I've had a hellacious time the past 2 and a half days with the migraine from hell. Sigh. I used up all my non narcotic pills, went to the doc in agony to pick up more samples, took more and the cocksucker STILL wouldn't go away. Mom wants me to have tests and and MRI. The only problem with THAT is that my insurance covers less than half of these types of procedures. My insurance is a fucking rip off. I pay $58 a week, plus 100% of all my Rx's and over half of my lab work, and Xrays, except for mammograms and annual exam. And with my low paying job I'm completely fucked. I CAN'T pay for all this. The pain continued to get excruciatingly horrific until finally I called UNCLE and took the offered vicodin and fioricet from my Mom and her friend. Technically I'm not clean anymore, although in NA as long as it's a small amount of meds for serious pain, they don't count that against you. I just couldn't take it anymore.
One awesome thing about recovery is how very loved I feel the past 2 years since getting clean and working a program from Mom and her friends. I used to be secondary to guests staying in the house for example, but Mom has been on my side and sticks up for me which I love. Everyone else is treating me with love and respect too, except for Tony's side of the family. I was very upset at being rejected twice by my brother's wife. I mean I would have accepted if I heard from my brother's mouth he didn't want to talk to me, but to be denied being allowed to talk to him from his wife plus her witholding information to my sister I think at the very least should have been my brother's decision to my ears, not hers. Whatever. So like the program says, I have to let it go. Do I still have to send my amends letters to Tony and my sister via my brother's address? According to my sponsor, yes I do. Fine. I plan on sending one page each explaining my behavior and why, say I'm sorry, I'm clean and working a spiritual program now and that said peace out.
I'd just as soon forget the whole mess, but I have to run it by my sponsor first. Mom told me that I'm not very popular with Tony's family because out of all the women he screwed, and there were more than he could count, she was the only woman that actually dumped him. She took off with me when I was a baby, left a bare apartment and a note saying goodbye, then she eventually denied visits from them to me, but now I clearly see why. Tony robbed armored trucks, got 4 women pregant that he didn't support or spend any time with any of us 4 children, he lived off women his entire life, never worked an honest job a day in his life, and yet his family treats him like a saint. I make a single mistake of having a bad day and not picking up a snot nosed toddler and I'm banned for life. Apparently my sister RJ and Tony's sister and neice told my brother's wife that I was a complete asshole so she goes by what they say even though I've never even met the woman. And Ed does what his wife tells him to do. Out of all of them, I did like Ed and his first wife, and his mother Alice.
To this day I've never understood why some people marry and just do what their husband or wife tells them to do. I've lost a few friends to marriage, girls and guys. When a girlfriend gets married, she sometimes gets all wrapped up in a controlling husband and kids and if a guy gets married he listenes to his jealous wife and we can't be friends anymore. That pisses me off, but fine, but there is no way in HELL I'd allow someone to tell ME what to do. My first boyfriend did and I obeyed him sometimes resentfully at the threat of violence, but I was 15 when we first started going out and 19 when we were done. I haven't made that mistake sense. I'm wondering if all this drama brought on the chest pain/pressure, then the migraine from hell. I just want it gone and how I want to be done with Step 9 in NA. When it comes to Tony's family, it's a big nightmare.
One awesome thing about recovery is how very loved I feel the past 2 years since getting clean and working a program from Mom and her friends. I used to be secondary to guests staying in the house for example, but Mom has been on my side and sticks up for me which I love. Everyone else is treating me with love and respect too, except for Tony's side of the family. I was very upset at being rejected twice by my brother's wife. I mean I would have accepted if I heard from my brother's mouth he didn't want to talk to me, but to be denied being allowed to talk to him from his wife plus her witholding information to my sister I think at the very least should have been my brother's decision to my ears, not hers. Whatever. So like the program says, I have to let it go. Do I still have to send my amends letters to Tony and my sister via my brother's address? According to my sponsor, yes I do. Fine. I plan on sending one page each explaining my behavior and why, say I'm sorry, I'm clean and working a spiritual program now and that said peace out.
I'd just as soon forget the whole mess, but I have to run it by my sponsor first. Mom told me that I'm not very popular with Tony's family because out of all the women he screwed, and there were more than he could count, she was the only woman that actually dumped him. She took off with me when I was a baby, left a bare apartment and a note saying goodbye, then she eventually denied visits from them to me, but now I clearly see why. Tony robbed armored trucks, got 4 women pregant that he didn't support or spend any time with any of us 4 children, he lived off women his entire life, never worked an honest job a day in his life, and yet his family treats him like a saint. I make a single mistake of having a bad day and not picking up a snot nosed toddler and I'm banned for life. Apparently my sister RJ and Tony's sister and neice told my brother's wife that I was a complete asshole so she goes by what they say even though I've never even met the woman. And Ed does what his wife tells him to do. Out of all of them, I did like Ed and his first wife, and his mother Alice.
To this day I've never understood why some people marry and just do what their husband or wife tells them to do. I've lost a few friends to marriage, girls and guys. When a girlfriend gets married, she sometimes gets all wrapped up in a controlling husband and kids and if a guy gets married he listenes to his jealous wife and we can't be friends anymore. That pisses me off, but fine, but there is no way in HELL I'd allow someone to tell ME what to do. My first boyfriend did and I obeyed him sometimes resentfully at the threat of violence, but I was 15 when we first started going out and 19 when we were done. I haven't made that mistake sense. I'm wondering if all this drama brought on the chest pain/pressure, then the migraine from hell. I just want it gone and how I want to be done with Step 9 in NA. When it comes to Tony's family, it's a big nightmare.