I haven't been writing for many days. I confess, I've been very diverted and not just with dope. I keep putting this AFF thing in the back of my mind, but the activities they have on there, are addicting. I don't feel terribly horny anymore, just once in a while. I've gone way overboard with the dope though. Fucking probation started garnishing my wages by 25% starting last Friday.
I couldn't pay all of my rent and I certainly can't pay all my bills. This is a shitty time too because I can't NOT do dope. Well I could decide not to, but then I'm hooked to the point of getting fucked over by this damned chronic fatigue again. I have a lot to do and I can't accomplish shit being asleep 24/7, but Jesus I'm in trouble. I seem to panic and freeze every time I try to pick up the phone to work this out. I had the same trouble
sober too. Sometimes I just don't know what the fuckin matter with me is. And here Jim is saying he wishes he was me? I find that unbelievable because I'm getting my ass kicked both buy my addiction and the government taking 25% of my check. I can't survive long this way. I had it all planned out what I was gonna say, but ok will have to start over and try to resolve this crap. Life is good otherwise, but I am worried. I love not being so fucking fat anymore, it was such a fuckin
handicap. Everyone keeps telling me I'm pretty and after feeling so ugly for over 2 yrs, you kinda don't wanna go back to getting clean if it means getting fat. I don't. However, I swear, I have got to cut this crap out by 75% at least. And when I do that, I don't care if I'm tortured by obsessive thoughts of food night and day, I'd rather go without! Sigh. Life is so good in some ways, but I'm freaked in others....
I couldn't pay all of my rent and I certainly can't pay all my bills. This is a shitty time too because I can't NOT do dope. Well I could decide not to, but then I'm hooked to the point of getting fucked over by this damned chronic fatigue again. I have a lot to do and I can't accomplish shit being asleep 24/7, but Jesus I'm in trouble. I seem to panic and freeze every time I try to pick up the phone to work this out. I had the same trouble
sober too. Sometimes I just don't know what the fuckin matter with me is. And here Jim is saying he wishes he was me? I find that unbelievable because I'm getting my ass kicked both buy my addiction and the government taking 25% of my check. I can't survive long this way. I had it all planned out what I was gonna say, but ok will have to start over and try to resolve this crap. Life is good otherwise, but I am worried. I love not being so fucking fat anymore, it was such a fuckin
handicap. Everyone keeps telling me I'm pretty and after feeling so ugly for over 2 yrs, you kinda don't wanna go back to getting clean if it means getting fat. I don't. However, I swear, I have got to cut this crap out by 75% at least. And when I do that, I don't care if I'm tortured by obsessive thoughts of food night and day, I'd rather go without! Sigh. Life is so good in some ways, but I'm freaked in others....