Fuck trust.

My sister admitted to me the other day that she told my fucking ex that she loves him, and he has the same feelings for her. According to her they will never be together due to certain factors but I really don't believe that. I'm sure she's fucked around with him already. She will be moving into a house with him and a friend soon. I am speechless. My sister was one of my best friends. Why the fuck would a best friend fall in love with someone who abused you mentally and emotionally for over a year, verbally insulted you, and nearly poisoned you with drugs.
I am tired of being unable to trust anyone in my life. Almost every single person who I have let close to me has fucked me over in some way. Even my family. I was extremely close and trusting of my sister up until last month. I can sadly no longer say that I feel she is my "sister."
My ex once said to me that in life, you can only trust 1% of the people in your life. He said that people change, and that in a few more years my friend circles will have probably changed completely aside from a few people, and those few people will also eventually dwindle until there are only a select few left, the 1%. But I don't believe that anymore. I believe now that I AM that one percent. All that life has taught me in the past few years is that the only person you can trust, is yourself. No one else matters.
Too many of my family, friends, and past boyfriends have lied to me, used me, and hurt me. I'm really fucking sick of it. It's always the people who are closest to you that hurt you the most. So why should I bother to let anyone in from this point onwards. I won't have any of these problems if I push everyone away from me.

 

it could be worse. at least she didnt get shot to death on christmas day, like my best friend did.

 

man I'd prefer if she was shot, I'm fucking pissed atm. We got in a huge fight this morning..

but in any case, I'm sorry to hear that I can't relate because I've never had anyone close to me pass away. But yeah, it could be worse. I try to remind myself that all my problems are just "first world problems" because in reality that's all they really are. I know that there's people out there that are far worse off than me and would kill to have my "problems." But it still sucks, when you're accustomed to a particular style of life and don't have to deal with every day issues that are extremely horrible, such as starvation.

 

thats too bad you got into a fight with someone that is near and dear to you..


try and remember this: a lot of really bad things are gona happen in life.. that is guaranteed. BUT it is up to you on how you react to the situation.

try not to dwell on bad things like that, especially holding a resentment towards someone like your sister. anger will not accomplish anything, but only make matters worse. it is important to not hold on to anger...

 

I've always been of the 'have a few really close friends' camp than the 'have a huge social circle' one, but I think that there is some truth in that there are usually only a few friends that really have lasting power. I can only speak for my own experience, but each of my few IRL friends is a confidant with regards to a different aspect of my life, which is a bit odd, but keeps it so that I don't just dump on one person all the time.

What I'm trying to say is: everyone has a different idea about friendship, and most are equally valid. The only caveat that I'd add to that is that the saying "no person is an island" is completely true. I've done the "I am a rock" thing before - for most of my 20s actually - and it is just no way to live. Okay, so you've lost the trust of your sister, and if I'm reading between the lines properly you've lost the trust of nearly (if not completely) all your other friends. That's lousy, no word of a lie, but it's also perhaps a sign that you should start surrounding yourself with other people. You've learned all you can from these.

Naturally, you can't just get rid of your sister, but the more time you spend with others, the less that her behaviour will seem to affect you.

 

Wow that's a fucked-up situation! Sorry to hear

 

imo you are actually quite well off when you CAN trust yourself.

 

Why bother letting anyone in ever? Because it's nice! Because there are people out there who want more than just to fuck with you.

I can almost guarantee that those who have screwed you over haven't had the intention to do so until the act occurred. Humans, as a species are subject to whims- the stronger ones can suppress their desire to act like idiots, the weaker- don't.

If you turn your back on the rest of the world now- you could reject from your life that one person who, actually, just wants to be awesome for you and will remain so.

Smile Time moves forwards and so should you.