Fuck this world.

[CfZrx]

You do need to be put on some opiate medication!

If the medical lords are already dogging you, I think your best move is to shoot for suboxone and gabapentin combo

 

[BehindtheShadow]

Fuck this world but fuck Africa in particular. We got it rough out here. Lions everywhere and dirt cheap drugs.

Really? See I'm in South Africa and I don't have lions everywhere..... Unless you live in a National Park or the likes boet

 

[JK25]

Really? See I'm in South Africa and I don't have lions everywhere..... Unless you live in a National Park or the likes boet

I'm speaking the biggest pile of shit boeta haha!!! I'm in Joburg. Let them foreigners imagine the stereotype as they think Africa is. So that they won't come over for there safari holidays and that leaves more drugs for us!

Amerikaners en Britte is poes dom dude, hulle glo al die kak wat ek op forums sit van Afrika. Behalwe dat ons drugs baie baie cheaper is as hulle kak. Regte Valium kos R500 hier maar $500 in USA? Belaglik.

 

[BehindtheShadow]

I'm speaking the biggest pile of shit boeta haha!!! I'm in Joburg. Let them foreigners imagine the stereotype as they think Africa is. So that they won't come over for there safari holidays and that leaves more drugs for us!

Amerikaners en Britte is poes dom dude, hulle glo al die kak wat ek op forums sit van Afrika. Behalwe dat ons drugs baie baie cheaper is as hulle kak. Regte Valium kos R500 hier maar $500 in USA? Belaglik.

Alright dan as jy wil
Eks nie n boeta nie Eks n sussie

 

[JK25]

Alright dan as jy wil
Eks nie n boeta nie Eks n sussie

Oh okay skat. Ek is ook 'n sussie want ek is te gay vir woorde.

Lekker aand vir jou.

 

[JK25]

Alright dan as jy wil
Eks nie n boeta nie Eks n sussie

Jesus nou dat ek dit weer lees hoe kortaf en ongeskik kan jy nie wees nie? Proudly South African se voet. Ek dog ek maak 'n maatjie maar nee, vroumense werk maar net nie uit nie, met niks, dis hoe dit is.

 

[JK25]

Alright dan as jy wil
Eks nie n boeta nie Eks n sussie

Ek is jammer skat ek het 3 dae se Meth in my gat en ek is paranoid en voel baie nie lekker nie. Ek was nou lelik gewees en het dit nie bedoel nie. Hierdie kak maak my anders. So as jy my nie vergewe nie verstaan ek maar moes net stil bly en aangaan met my lewe. Ek kort slaap, soos tot more oggend toe sommer slaap.

Anyway ek hoop jou Sondag is amazing.
Jammer weer vir my maniere.

 

[BehindtheShadow]

Ek is jammer skat ek het 3 dae se Meth in my gat en ek is paranoid en voel baie nie lekker nie. Ek was nou lelik gewees en het dit nie bedoel nie. Hierdie kak maak my anders. So as jy my nie vergewe nie verstaan ek maar moes net stil bly en aangaan met my lewe. Ek kort slaap, soos tot more oggend toe sommer slaap.

Anyway ek hoop jou Sondag is amazing.
Jammer weer vir my maniere.

Nee dis alright, gaan soeties slaap hoor
Lekker daggie verder

 

[Trev26]

Hey guys, just an update if anyone cares.

So I had a procedure for my back this morning. I believe it was called like a discogram or discography. It's supposed to cause pain so my surgeon can operate and know exactly where my pain is coming from. It was literally the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life before. I was completely sober and awake during the procedure.

When it was over I was basically paralyzed for 30 minuets. I couldn't roll over from the operating table to the gurnee. They had to put a body board under me and roll me over. Has anyone ever had this procedure done, and was ot as bad as my experience?

I'm about 2 weeks away from my fusion surgery, and I'm not gonna lie im starting to get pretty nervous. I have a lot of anxiety and cant really sleep. Also my oxy dealers phone has been off for 5 days now and I'm scared I'll just be in crippling pain until the surgery. My 7 percs a weekarent going to cut it.

Has anyone had a lumbar fusion? What should I expect, and how do I prepare for it?

Ps, on a positive note, I've been feeling a lot better since I quit taking the antidepressants. It's been about 3 weeks without any and I feel a lot better, but still have bad days.

If anyone can give me any reassuring or supportive feedback, I can really use it, as I'm starting to freak out about my imposing doom.

 

[Painful One]

What do you mean, if anyone care??!!!

You know we love and care about you very much!

I am so sorry that you had that horrific procedure, pain, and paralysis. I have not had that particular torture but I do understand what you are talking about. Makes me cry that you are having to endure all this. Makes me cry for all of us who are going through this hell.
I understand very well about the splitting migraine headaches and the noise and light sensitivity. I had a custom made pair of sunglasses made to help with that using color technology and it really does help. A lot.

I bet you are getting nervous about having your back surgery. I don't have anything to say about that except I am also very anxious for you.

I am glad to hear that you are getting over the horrific anti depressant withdrawal. Good Lord!

Trev, contact your surgeon or go to the hospital emergency room and tell them how bad the pain is.
They should be able to help you!

You are in my thoughts and prayers and I am hoping for a miraculous outcome for you!

 

[Catlady45]

Oh my lord! Same thing happened to my son and his pain management dr! He actually fired my son because of it! So sorry for you! I think structured medicine is a racket these days!

 

[Trev26]

Having my lumbar l5-s1 through l4 fusion surgery at 7:30 this morning.

I am freaking out and having full blown anxiety and panic attacks.

Anybody had this before? And how bad was it?

I need positive thoughts right now! I'm really having trouble controlling my anxiety. I've been popping valium and clonazepam but they don't see to be working.

I guess just wish me luck guys. I'm beyond a nervous wreck.

2.5 hours until its go time

 

[Painful One]

Breathe sweetheart, it is going to be alright.

I'm praying for you and wish you the best of luck.

You are so young, this may really help you to get back to the life someone so young should be living!
I want you out of this chronic pain hell!

I'm here. I will be thinking of you and will be very concerned so please update when you can.

You can do this.

Love you so much and I am right here if you need to talk.

 

[Catlady45]

This poor baby!! It's gonna be ok sweet boy!! Please update as soon as you can!

Isn't that the truth PainfulOne?! He is so young! But you are too I think with so much wisdom to give him!

 

[EPL1]

Yes I've had fusions. You will be just fine honey. I sincerely hope it fixes you for good. See you on the other side.

Feel free to pm me with any questions once you're home again.
xo

Hugs,
Ash.

Having my lumbar l5-s1 through l4 fusion surgery at 7:30 this morning.

I am freaking out and having full blown anxiety and panic attacks.

Anybody had this before? And how bad was it?

I need positive thoughts right now! I'm really having trouble controlling my anxiety. I've been popping valium and clonazepam but they don't see to be working.

I guess just wish me luck guys. I'm beyond a nervous wreck.

2.5 hours until its go time

 

[Painful One]

This poor baby!! It's gonna be ok sweet boy!! Please update as soon as you can!

Isn't that the truth PainfulOne?! He is so young! But you are too I think with so much wisdom to give him!

Yeah this poor young guy! Makes me very unhappy he is having to endure this! 21 years old approx.
(Shakes my head)

Aha! Well, I am no spring chicken here but not elderly either. Yes, WAY to young to be enduring this also!
As well as yourself, lovely Cat!

Looks like pain brings wisdom eh? That is some solace we can find in our situations.

Thinking of you Trev!
Those surgeons better be doing their best work today!
They do not want to answer to an irate Painful One!
I can assure them of that!

 

[Painful One]

Trev,

How are you doing?
Did the surgery help?
I have been wondering how you are doing and hoping and praying that you are feeling better.

Please let us know how you are doing when you can.
Hoping the surgery has made your quality of life better and your pain level is better.

 

[Jeanpauldash]

Same. My parents abused me while scapegoating me in a normal environment then do not care an internet predator made me homeless. High school was immediately being treated like shit by people except for a comfort based relationship with an older guy which freaked me the fuck out when i realized i looked and acted unintelligent and like him. He was culturally awful and i believe this was on purpose to humiliate me later now. Every single boyfriend made me suicidal and lied to me and now i'm a broken person with no hope for a good reality ever as i have had no one but people who lie to me, seriously emotionally and verbally abuse me and physically abuse me. And now i am losing even that. It was my one reason to live. And it does not feel like real living. Being degraded insulted accused and thrown away. After trying after trying after trying just more human evil. No one ever cared that i was a good person no ever cared about circumstances beyond my control. I have been blamed for every bloody beating i have ever taken from this sham reality of a life devoid of anything you see in movies. All people will lie to someone they accuse of lying, steal from someone with only little, victim blame, create their own hideous reality of a truth that you know is evil and a lie and you have no one to share with actual reality even though its the truth. I know i wasnt worthless. I know i didnt deserve the people who treated me that way over and over and over again. It doesnt matter. They made sure i had nothing. Stealing what i earned and loved, spitting hatred at me with disgusting accusations of me being a completely different person. I have nothing and deserved everything. I was broken down until i couldnt do it and then called evil names. There is no humanity worth saving on this planet earth except for me and someone who might exist i dont know.

People are cruel, manipulative, evil, thieving, degrading, hateful, and stupid. Except me. Your victim on the internet.

 

[Trev26]

Hey everyone! Thanks for the support. I'm sorry for ignoring this thread, but let's just say I had enough of this cruel world. I'll be 6 weeks post-op this Thursday, and am still in terrible pain. My surgeon told me the hospitals policy (kaiser) is that he can only give me 3 prescriptions before I would have to get my meds from a PM doctor. I had an amazing spine team and the operation went fine, but my doc was telling me how sorry he was and that I'm clearly not an addict abusing my meds, and that I clearly need them, but he said our pos govt is really making it impossible for doctors to treat their patients. I'm seeing a different Pm doctor this Thursday who will hopefully help me out.

Long story short, I was so miserable and in unbearable pain with nothing to take that I went out and bought a pistol 9mm. I loaded the magazine, took off the safety, pointed it out my head, and pulled the trigger. For that millisecond I heard the hammer drop it was the most peaceful feeling in the world. Unfortunately, the gun jammed multiple times, and after my third attempt my brother found me and took the gun away. He called 911 and they took me to a psychiatric hospital where I was admitted for a 72 hour lock down.

Of course at the hospital, they highly recommended I take some antidepressants to which I told them to go fuck themselves. I tried to explain to them that I'm only depressed because I'm in such excruciating pain and no one helps me out, but of course, they don't understand. I'm alive but I'm simply not living, just existing. If this doctor doesnt help me out on Thursday than I will most definitely try to end it again. What's the point of life if there's no quality to it? My surgeon validates my pain but every doctor is to scared to prescribe.

I will keep you guys updated, and again, I apologize for going MIA. At least people on this forum actually pretend to give a shit, unlike other doctors and health care providers. My last PM doc told me straight up to my face that my quality of life wasnt worth risking his job.

 

[EPL1]

Hi Trevor,

Man I'm sad to hear how bad it's been for you, but it's happening to all of us chronic pain patients, so know that you are not alone.

We spoke a while back, I have also had fusions, and I am definitely not one who pretends to give a shit about you. I actually do.

I am going through pretty much the same thing you are in regards to chronic pain. Feel free to pm me ok?


You're going to make it through, go see that new pm doctor, and if he doesn't help, you ask for another pm referral. And if that doesn't work, you take someone with you to be your advocate, someone to stand up for you.

Believe me I understand and I'm here for you.

Much love and support to you,
Your friend,
Ash.

Hey everyone! Thanks for the support. I'm sorry for ignoring this thread, but let's just say I had enough of this cruel world. I'll be 6 weeks post-op this Thursday, and am still in terrible pain. My surgeon told me the hospitals policy (kaiser) is that he can only give me 3 prescriptions before I would have to get my meds from a PM doctor. I had an amazing spine team and the operation went fine, but my doc was telling me how sorry he was and that I'm clearly not an addict abusing my meds, and that I clearly need them, but he said our pos govt is really making it impossible for doctors to treat their patients. I'm seeing a different Pm doctor this Thursday who will hopefully help me out.

Long story short, I was so miserable and in unbearable pain with nothing to take that I went out and bought a pistol 9mm. I loaded the magazine, took off the safety, pointed it out my head, and pulled the trigger. For that millisecond I heard the hammer drop it was the most peaceful feeling in the world. Unfortunately, the gun jammed multiple times, and after my third attempt my brother found me and took the gun away. He called 911 and they took me to a psychiatric hospital where I was admitted for a 72 hour lock down.

Of course at the hospital, they highly recommended I take some antidepressants to which I told them to go fuck themselves. I tried to explain to them that I'm only depressed because I'm in such excruciating pain and no one helps me out, but of course, they don't understand. I'm alive but I'm simply not living, just existing. If this doctor doesnt help me out on Thursday than I will most definitely try to end it again. What's the point of life if there's no quality to it? My surgeon validates my pain but every doctor is to scared to prescribe.

I will keep you guys updated, and again, I apologize for going MIA. At least people on this forum actually pretend to give a shit, unlike other doctors and health care providers. My last PM doc told me straight up to my face that my quality of life wasnt worth risking his job.