Fuck this anxiety...

Trying to get into a headspace where I can realise just how fake all of this anxiety is. I'm going to go out for a run in a second, have to eat something first though because I had only one meal the whole of yesterday and I feel really weak. I want to start running on a daily basis again. Last year I kept it up for 2 whole months, and I remember feeling so proud every day, that I was doing something good for myself.

Not liking the direction my life is going in at the moment. So I'm not as fucked up as I was exactly one year ago, I drink a lot less and take a lot less drugs... But sometimes I wish I could just give it up altogether.

Cocaine is so evil! I'm mega paranoid about going to work tonight, feel as if I made a huge fool of myself this weekend. Which I probably did,
but realistically I know people are not going to judge me or make a big deal out of it. I know when one of my friends acts like a twat when they are coked up or drunk it's more "haha what a fool" than "omg this person is so fucked up, I need not to know them". So why can't I be cool about this?

 

I think i'm on a long sabbatical for the self-same reason. Much like smoking, I found the mechanisim of drink to mouth to be as important as the actual alcohol and as a result began drinking about three litres of water and having a bottle to hand at all times to ease off the jitter/unsettled feeling that goes with the territory.

 

Your icon is so cool..