Fuck the government unitl they fuck you back

[nofx1422]

So, Ive spent the last 2 1/2 years in jail and court imposed residential rehab. God knows I have a serious drug problem,but I was OK with that until I went to jail.. Now I cant get enjoyment out of using, except for maybe alcohol, yet I continue to abuse whatevers around. Rehab has changed the way I use drugs, for 13 months I was living in a therapeutic community where there is NO acceptable situation in which to use ANY drug. Obviously the only reason anyone would use drugs is to escape from the pain of, WHATEVER.

In some fucked up way I guess Ive been brainwashed into believing theres no acceptable drug use, and now I get extremely anxious when using drugs in social situations. As a result I isolate, and take drugs/drink by myself. Ive started using I.V. meth & mdpv, maybe for a couple of days a fortnight. I dont have an issue with that, but I do have an issue with staying up all night watching porn when Ive got University/Work the next day, and when my girlfriend is still in rehab trying to get her kids back. She has no idea about any of my drug use.

Fuck, obviously Ive been up all night, and needed a vent... Im struggling to see a way out of this fucking nightmare though. Im suicidal some days, and the days Im not acutely suicidal the option is still there. Ive paid a psychologist $150 a week for 3 years in total, before I was arrested, and since I got out of jail/rehab. Hes good, and weve become close friends, but Im starting to think Im beyond help. Ive tried to sort my shit out myself, with the help of professionals, by ignoring it, by drinking, taking psychedelics and Im still just as fucked up as Ive ever been.

Im starting to get drunk, and should go to bed... Its 7am after all. I dont know, fuck this shit, it all seems too hard. I blame the government. Peace

 

[Ds]

hope it works out for ya man. keep ur head up.

 

[caltrain208]

Hello nofx- It sounds as though you have had the idea of recovery planted in your head by this point. I would find it extremely helpful if you could elaborate on what is keeping you from staying clean. I'm a recovering addict and try to help others suffering from active addiction out of their desperation, yet so many are unwilling to do the work necessary to recover, so it would help me/help others if you could share. One thing I have found in common with all the addicts I know who are recovering/have recovered is three beliefs. They have come to realize they they cannot control their use, they have faith that recovery is possible, and they had enough pain from using to become willing to do the work. Pain is the great motivator. You can recover from this disease too, if you have had enough and are willing to try something different. If you're not ready yet, my only hope is that addiction gets uncomfortable enough for you to give up and ask for help, before you die of this disease. Best of luck to you, there is hope, please feel free to contact me for anything at all.

 

[muvolution]

yes, it's totally the governments fault. Perhaps it is time to be a man and take responsibility for your own addiction and problems. Maybe then you will find a way to beat them.

 

[calmAnimal]

yeah i didnt wanna be the first to say it but since muv already did ill say it again.

man up, dude. take responsibilty for your actions and then do something about it.

i, like caltrain, am a recovering addict. i chose to go into recovery because it was a positive thing to do with my life. i was sick of fucking around and knew that getting into recovery was the best way to start that change in my life.

 

[jctoona84]

In my youth I had the same mindset. I believe(d) that it's nobody's business what I do to my body. While I still believe this, compromise is the word of the day. I suffered and lost much for years before I realized that I was trying to change the system from the wrong end. Get yourself to a good place and then you can change things from the inside. I can sympathize with your situation. I wish you good luck and I know things can change if you want them too badly enough.