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fuck me if i cant

mtu mwendawazimu said:
I was homeless but had a job that kinda shit
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fucking hell that's impressive.

i couldn't turn up to a place for a time for the life of me. but that shows you can keep down a job in worse circumstances than you're in now. can you draw any hope from that?
 
chinup said:
fucking hell that's impressive.

i couldn't turn up to a place for a time for the life of me. but that shows you can keep down a job in worse circumstances than you're in now. can you draw any hope from that?
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The circumstances were just different.

I know what I need to do I just need to do it
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
The circumstances were just different.

I know what I need to do I just need to do it
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ahhhh that old chestnut. i'm in the same boat tbh. just the stakes aren't so high for me right now thank fuck.

try and do it sooner rather than later. its only pain til you do.
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
I feel good today.

Really good.

@chinup

How are you
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awesome!!

i feel OK today. its 36 celsius here right now, its not gonna go below 26 overnight..... as we're the north of england we don't have AC. so i'm not loving life. but i got through work, and the weather is due to break on Wednesday so hopefully won't be too bad to get through.
 
chinup said:
awesome!!

i feel OK today. its 36 celsius here right now, its not gonna go below 26 overnight..... as we're the north of england we don't have AC. so i'm not loving life. but i got through work, and the weather is due to break on Wednesday so hopefully won't be too bad to get through.
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The fire emoji.........literally.

I'm gonna assume that " North of England so no AC " means that as a rule it never got hot enough there for any of the residents to bother with it. So all the homes where you are don't have any. Kind of sucks to not have that option even if you never used it. I may only use mine 5 or 6 times the whole summer but I'm glad I have it.

Glad the heat wave won't be lasting long.
 
Nurse Ratched said:
I'm gonna assume that " North of England so no AC " means that as a rule it never got hot enough there for any of the residents to bother with it. So all the homes where you are don't have any. Kind of sucks to not have that option even if you never used it. I may only use mine 5 or 6 times the whole summer but I'm glad I have it.
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exactly. we just aren't warm enough. we have central heating though!

thankfully our house is actually quite well insulated so its not as roasting as it could be.
 
chinup said:
exactly. we just aren't warm enough. we have central heating though!

thankfully our house is actually quite well insulated so its not as roasting as it could be.
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Glad you aren’t melting. I was FaveTiming with my uncle Sunday and he looked like he was melting.
 
Yesterday was tough. I had a very vivid violent dream. The feelings carried over to the day.

I stopped smoking weed at that point. I think I uncovered what needed to be uncovered, and I'm ready to put plan to action
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
Yesterday was tough. I had a very vivid violent dream. The feelings carried over to the day.

I stopped smoking weed at that point. I think I uncovered what needed to be uncovered, and I'm ready to put plan to action
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urgh sorry to hear that. dreams have such weird impacts on us, they can totally have long hangovers. its good that it helped you figure some stuff out though. do you have everything you need to put your plan into action?

i still remember some of the really brutal drug dreams i had in early recovery. now most of my craving related dreams are about eating disorder stuff, which is less immediately distressing and generally cause a less intense emotional response.
 
I vividly killed my girlfriend. It replayed in dream many times. It was a long process and very brutal. I told her about it.

All I need is a fucking break, to put it in action. Time and relaxation. Motivation. I'm moving in with my girlfriend next week. Away from this drug riddled city.
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
I vividly killed my girlfriend. It replayed in dream many times. It was a long process and very brutal. I told her about it.

All I need is a fucking break, to put it in action. Time and relaxation. Motivation. I'm moving in with my girlfriend next week. Away from this drug riddled city.
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urgh that's dark man.

i'm glad you're moving in with your girlfriend. sounds like she could be a positive influence on you. have you got a job and stuff sorted for after the move? what about recovery stuff? moving is stressful as fuck so make sure you get as much support in place as you can.
 
mtu mwendawazimu said:
Yeah, I just need a sober support group, I guess. She'll help a lot, keeping me busy and reminding me there's more to life. But I can't rely on her always @chinup
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for sure.

i stupidly assumed that i would recover with no effort when my boyf moved back from australia (i'd dumped him 5 years previously when he started getting on my back about my drug use), cos i would focus on him. i just ended up treating him like utter shit, hiding my use. i made him sleep on the floor in the spare room so i could go out to score after he'd gone to bed. shit like that. most shameful i think he might have attempted suicide (he took a suicidal drug combo for someone who is opiate naive, as he is) and i just called him an ambulance, got all my drugs together, and split, leaving him with my housemate.

don't do what i did. its different cos i was in the same place and he was the one that moved but you're right that you'll need to find other support.
 
how you doing man, ready for your move? or have you already moved?

i assume your cat is coming too? one of mine was so upset when i moved into my new place. he was hiding right at the back of his basket refusing to come out. he's a fucking 5 kilo brute, thinks he can take on dogs. but new house was so scary. he hid in the closet a lot, which is hilarious cos i'm sure he'd be gay if he was a person. he minces about like a true queen.
 
chinup said:
how you doing man, ready for your move? or have you already moved?

i assume your cat is coming too? one of mine was so upset when i moved into my new place. he was hiding right at the back of his basket refusing to come out. he's a fucking 5 kilo brute, thinks he can take on dogs. but new house was so scary. he hid in the closet a lot, which is hilarious cos i'm sure he'd be gay if he was a person. he minces about like a true queen.
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Hey, thanks, my girlfriend all moved in, I go over every night until I move too. No fee for breaking my lease all I need is give them 30 days notice which is sick. So I just pay for august then move in whenever I can.

Err.. kitty. So she's allowing kitty but has obvious repercussions. Her family won't visit her with the cat, she's a clean freak, and it's just an external factor that could bring us apart that neither of us want to deal with, honestly.

I feel bad, mostly for Kitty, not myself. Id love my parents, or sister, or aunt to take her. Not some, fucking cat-lady where kitty will be scared of the other cats and feel not special, like she has all the reason to feel since everyone has passed her off and she got lost in the street when the house burnt down for a month.

I can tell.. she's so thirsty for affection. She needs a good home.
 
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