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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

TDS FUCK. Just can't stop

I guess the amount I'd taken botched my taper plan, just super motivated to finish some. It's an noncomsumable energy I gain from them. It's my meth I suppose. So many addicts in my family too. Dad, both his parents, almost all but 1 of my siblings. My blood brother is the worst of them all, he's lost to everyone. Maybe I can go help him now. Knowing this as well as I do.

The thing that bothers me is my lower back. Kidney area. Just from the fucked amount of APAP I abused.
 
Today's the first day that I haven't been hungry. Panic seems to have subsided finally though.
 
I think youre out of the woods so to speak about imminent liver failure. You only had 11 Norcos with APAP. I knew people who used to take that amount all the time over the course of a day before they knew of CWE, and they still walk and talk today.

Its time to get better for your kids man. I wish I did it when I could; instead Im a broken man with deeper addiction because of it. Your panic attacks will be 10x worse if your wife finds out about your pill popping adventures and takes the kids & leaves.

Think of this as your wake up call, my friend. You are alive and you are working and you have a beautiful wife and kids. You have a shit ton going for you, we just gotta figure out how to knock that monkey off your back before he ruins you. Good luck man, you can do it : ) One day at a time...
 
good idea.. or just go in and have a liver panel done and let them check you out.. its not worth the anxiety and possible health risk just to avoid s silly embarrassment of telling a dr that you are an addict.. er docs see good people struggling with addiction all the time.. could be good practice for working up to telling your wife.. because i believe if you want to look at this honestly the only way you will loose your wife is if you continue to use. I would look at if the anxiety you feel towards telling your wife doesn't come from taking a plunge that could make continuing to use pretty hard.. IMO its best to head of a problem before it REALLY BECOMES A PROBLEM.. like getting pulled over driving the kiddos all lit up with some unsubscribed schedule two narcotics:\.. not saying you do that but we all know where the slippery slope of addiction leads to.. total loss of control and 24 hour physical dependence, usually with very real possibility of serious negative side effects like loss of job, family, respect for yourself, freedom. etc etc.. you can do this.. really look at what you still think you enjoy about use.. hammering back a bunch of pills for a soon to be gone "couple hour euphoria" followed by so many hours of anxiety, depression, guilt, etc.. I really do feel better now 98% off the time off opiates than i did 100% of the time on them.. remember how nice it is not to need something to feel pretty damn good.. you can do this.. just going to take a little effort and a little time<3
 
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