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fuck it all

W

WarChild

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 27, 2000
Messages
224
Location
Melbourne, Australia
There is no point to life. If it wouldn't hurt so many people I would end it all. I have had 'schizophrenia' diagnosis for 14 years. The only time i am truly happy is when i'm on uppers.. mainly meth. i love it. but i come down for a week afterwards and makes my depression even worse. Its Sunday afternoon and i'm drunk because my girlfriend split up with me last week cause i'm shit in bed. Fuck everything. i have no reason to live.
 
WarChild said:
There is no point to life. If it wouldn't hurt so many people I would end it all. I have had 'schizophrenia' diagnosis for 14 years. The only time i am truly happy is when i'm on uppers.. mainly meth. i love it. but i come down for a week afterwards and makes my depression even worse. Its Sunday afternoon and i'm drunk because my girlfriend split up with me last week cause i'm shit in bed. Fuck everything. i have no reason to live.
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Sounds like you have a case of the fuckits. Ive had that many times and i don't miss them :\

Shit get's better man that's all i can really say. If you have schizophrenia meth is certainly not going to help you at all it's going to make it much much worse. Not to mention that it will counteract the effects of anti-psychotics atleast abit.

Are you currently taking any meds for your disorder? If you have schizophrenia you really need to be taking medication under a psychiatrists orders. I have bipolar disorder and life got a fuck of alot easier for me when i found the right combo of meds. Sure i have my bad days but nothing like years ago when i was under medicated or not on any meds at all. I have been on anti-psychotics (seroquel, risperdidone, zyprexa) and they have helped me alot. In fact id go as far to say that they have on occasion saved my life.

As for the girl mess well fuck man that sucks :( . Breakups are rough as fuck and i know that all to well sadly enough :| . But it sounds like you to just where not meant to be and i wouldn't take what she said too personally as people shoot their mouth off when they are pissed off. There are other fish in the ocean and you'll find a woman someday that's right for you.

In regards to the drinking take it from a long time alcoholic that alcohol makes everything much fucking worse. It turns depression into a bottomless pit of despair and makes everything look far more bleak.

If you are suicidal talk to somebody about it man anyone. Call a friend or anything or if your really bad go to the hospital. Anything is better then offing yourself man. There are very few problems that cannot be fixed but once your in the ground it's kinda hard to fix anything now is it? So talk to a friend, talk to a family member or go to a hospital if you feel you need to. Just hang in there and things will get better. If a miserable sod such as myself can get better anybody can :\

Stay strong and hang in there
 
man maybe the amps or any neuroleptics are effecting your sex life... maybe thats kind of shallow for a person to leave another over;-\ and not worth drowning in with alcohol for long over, drinking with a broken heart leaves your spirit open for damage too.

you say that the amps make your depression even worse, fuck that stuff if it only brings you temporary happiness as well, to land you in the mud again... this is a common vicious cycle, well a few you are in. some never notice it so they keep stirring.

take this sunday in moderation, imagine all this shit being the 6 days of realizations, and today a day to allow yourself to accept and grow from, away from these realizations and into, back into what you know you are actually capable of, dont convince yourself, dont let anyone convince you of anything... especially a drug or angry girl, you are all thats there right now, and you are what matters the most.

allow yourself to feel these things for their actual worth - and notice that you are better then that.
 
War child: My heart goes out to you...Have been in a very similar situation hun, it hurts like hell...just remember that the feeling is whats taking you over at the moment-it doesnt encompass all that you are...you have been through a severly, painfull, shitty situation-that does not define you! <3
You're obviously a strong guy or you wouldnt be on here lookin for help, knowing who you are, is messed up from all the stress your going through at the moment. It's cruel to feel like this when you have done nothing to deserve it. Know that you know you dont deserve to feel this way but it is something you have to sort out with time and in part, digest but that doesnt mean you blame yourself-its too easy an option, your not that cruel I'd imagine. Do keep on here and let us know how you're doin? Being rejected is a horrible thing but I have been there, as have many on here, as you'l see, if you read some of the threads...so bare in mind that your not alone in this thing your going through hun, there is nothing wrong with you at all, its just someone/and some situation has been cruel to you and not understood you; the way you need for yourself. <3
 
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A romantic love can be our primary channel to seeing the world in a positive way. Losing that sort of connection can make us feel life, ourselves, and pretty much the whole world is shit.

I'm sure pre-relationship you had some ways to feel OK about yourself and the world. You can find new ways as well. Post-romantic relationship seems dark and unlivable for a bit but many folks find it livable and in some ways better. That post relationship black hole does go away.

Things can get a lot better. Alcohol when depressed can give everything dark and heavy a feeling of having a lot more power than they really have. If you need help in coping, especially with the schizophrenia stuff do reach out to professionals with the background to be able to help.
 
I see you have been a member since 2000, how have you been doing these last fourteen years which you have been afflicted with this problem?

Has it gradually gotten worse for you over time, or did something suddenly happen recently for you to feel this way?

In any circumstance, I hope that you think things through, and give it some time. There are plenty of loving, caring people here in The Dark Side, and you can give any of them a PM including myself. :)
 
No need to just fuck it all. If life has no meaning you just have to find your specific place to fill. This takes time if you are patient and receptive things become clearer.

Left you because of sex? I can understand the pain of that, but sex "abilities" is ultimately some macho false idea of what it means to be a man. You do not have to let these sorts of things dictate your self-worth.

The more you can detatch from outdated useless social values/rituals/etc the easier it is to figure out who you are and how to live a fulfilling life.

If you're gonna do stimulants there are certain ways of reducing harm. Firstly is avoiding them in the first place. Otherwise, find product that is as pure as possible. There is drastic differences in the amount of impurities in what some people are putting out. If you can sleep each night, that is helpful. Or at least not missing more than one night. Otherwise the lack of sleep causes just as many problems as the drug itself. And eat eat eat. Smoothies with protein powder go down easy.

All the best <3
 
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