Fuck. did all the uppers that exist

[switzilover333]

I am a binger. BIG time. BPD w severe anxiety, and i use drugs to cope. Fucked myself. 6 30 mg vyvanse, 10 10 mg adderal, 40 dollars of speed, 80 dollars of coke. And to come down 5 colonapan and 30 gabapentin plus all my psych meds (saphris, ambien and trazadone) WHY AM I STILL ALIVE? WHY DO I DO THIS? I use drugs to cope, and sometimes to have fun. Im in pain management and on subs bc i used to have a horrible opie addiction. I want to change, but im so far in, so fucked up, theres no hope. Why am i nor dead? Answers plz.

 

[neversickanymore]

Hey switz.. welcome to Blue light:D.. the first thing I would try and do is quit trying dump all the downers to try and come down.. they dont work very well anyways and they make you feel like absolute ass the next time you wake up.. If your going to do the uppers just accept the come down and learn to enjoy it.. If what you are trying to avoid is the jones that can follow some coke use or other upper use then I would look to a different technique to help with that. If you cut out the all their synergy with the stimulants then you may just find you dont get nearly as pieced out and that floating down after use has ended really isn't that bad and can be enjoyable. If you try it you will have a good chance of agreeing with what Im claiming.. a great way to beat the stim comedown is to try and finish up a bit before a real; good breakfast joint opens up.. just deal with the jones for a little while.. when you figure you may be able to eat in a an hour or so then walk or ride a bike to the place.. the exercise helps to return that scrambled brain chemistry which make us unable to bend our knees for some weird reason that I would love to figure out.. so ride or walk to the breakfast joint.. with any luck you will be eating whatever breakfast food you love and felling pretty damn good after you eat and write back.. and you will fell amazing when you wake up and realize just how trying to take all that shit as a "parachute" really fucks you in the end.

Are you interested in getting completely off and trying to stay clean for a while?