So, in order to get into an IOP, which has been a laborious and drawn out process, seeing as ohio is in the dark ages when it comes to ORT (it's either subs on your own, or IOP w/out ORT), I have been tricking the system by replacing subs with kratom. And don't you know it, my beautiful readers, that I almost immediately began to over consume this horrible tasting plant matter, as let's face it, when it comes to most opiates, more is MORE.
Anyway, this was working quite well for me, for about a week, consuming about 30-40g of bali powder (use a table spoon so who knows how much I actually take). However, their came a turning point about two days ago, the night before 'attending' my first IOP group, I noticed that the mu-agonist effects started to shift into something terrible and serotonergic (for those that don't know, which is likely all of you, and this will no doubt become relevant in my view's on the art work of Alex Grey, I hate psychedelic drugs- with the exception of taking a blast of dmt in between meth hits-that is). I began to tremble, so bad, that by the morning of my first group, I was literally shaking like I was about to have a seizure. My vision, was distorted seeming, wobbly, and I felt like absolute shit. Even worse, smoking cigarettes made these effects worse, as did drinking coffee. But, if you know me, which most of you don't IRL, than you will know that even when I am literally seconds from a fatal asthma attack, I will be smoking cigarette butts picked up from the ground (I've noticed that American Spirits make for the best snipes, as they burn for so long, but when it comes to smoking full cigarettes, I'm a marlboro man, like my father, though I prefer '27s). What I'm saying is, this terrible side effect which I started to think was 'Seretonin Syndrome' (and perhaps it was), did not cease my indulgence in the few vices I have left to lean on.
Anyway, it got so bad that I was tweaking out all last night, watching bad horror movie after bad thriller, (with the exception of Killer Joe- suck that fried chicken!), and ended up taking some subs, and sleeping most of the day. When I woke up I started researching these abhorrent effects on line, and I came across a 'wiki' page for 'psychonauts'. Now, I consider myself a psychonaut to some degree, although a careless one, and I should also note that I consider the term 'psychonaut' to be a dressed up way of saying drug addict, at least in my case. Oh, I've tried plenty of RC's in my time-though test them I did not, nope, I was the brave idiot that upon receiving his latest batch of whatever crappy replacement/substitutes they had come out for MDPV or Mephedrone, would pour out a nice 100mg into a plastic cap, draw up, and slam into my veins, often with horrible consequences, such as, psychosis, or black outs (some of these 'stims' have the propensity to fucking put you to sleep, 4-FA comes to mind as well as 4-EMC if I am correct). Yes, my experiments were not for the sake of science, or for the sake of opening up my mind to the beauty of the universe, but rather, to pump out as much dopamine in my brain to create a quick, cheap high for the times I could not afford to shoot real cocaine. I serve, myself, though through my errors, perhaps some will learn to not be so reckless when it comes to IV'ing vials of crystalline substances with a little label we all ignore that says 'Not for human consumption' (I never considered myself a human anyway). So blasphemous were my ways, that the few times I acquired some high quality MDMA, I shot it all up, by myself, and stared at the floor. No raves for me, no stupid, fucking finger lights.
Well back to the psychonaut wiki page-they had a little art section, bless their hearts, and wouldn't you know it, every motherfucking piece looked like...surprise, surprise, a photoshopped rip-off of Alex Grey's style. I mean fuck, all you trippers can't see the same fucking thing?? I know psychosis isn't quite the same thing, but my 'trips' were at least a little unique, though granted they did always involve some authority figure trying to arrest or kill me for or before I could administer my heroin (just grant me this last shot-I'd beg the imaginary villains).
Let me now give a little background about my views on the art of Alex Grey-for it haunts me, wherever I go. Even on the streets of Oakland, where the junkies were divided basically into two camps, Grateful Dead Kids, and then, the rest of us, which if you had to classify us, were more sided with punk rock ideology, though what that is, I've always been confused, and would often joke with my 'punk' friends, that isn't being a junky punk rock enough? Why bother dressing like one? I mean, at the end there, I had been free-balling for literally 4 months, had a hole in the crotch of my size 0 women's jeans (which wasn't good, the hole), no shoelaces, as they had long abandoned there post and responsibility's to be used as tourniquets, and blood on...everything. Wasn't nihilism and apathy enough? I always thought so.
BUT, even among my friends, I was constantly reminded of HIM. Alex Grey. On of my friends, god bless his heart, would go around constantly even quoting the motherfucker.
So here's the deal- I grew up with Alex Grey. No, I'm not trying to say 'y'all are posers, cause I knew about Alex Grey FIRST', but the truth is, I actually knew him. I was friends with his daughter in middle school, very good friends. I also knew another artist, Robert Longo, who, among those actually knowledgable in the wider world of art, is very famous, and even directed the music video for 'Peace sells...but who's buying?' by Megadeth (what'ya mean I don't believe in GOD!? talk to 'em every day!). But I spent a lot of time, in Brooklyn, at Alex Grey's house, and just so know one asks 'well whats he's like', I'll tell you- he's really fucking nice, and he's pretty fucking cool when it comes down to it. BUT, he's also a human being, not a GOD, as some people seem to think, or worship him in such way.
So why do I say 'Fuck Alex Grey' ? Because, SOME HAD TO SAY IT. THERE ARE BETTER ARTISTS. Isn't taking acid and all that horrible shit supposed to open your world up? Well open it up to some other artists, liking Alex Grey is fine, but don't claim that he's your 'favorite artist' unless you can name at least 10 other artists who aren't Michelangelo, Donetello, Leonardo, or Raphael. Because it comes across as being fucking 'ignorant'.
Anyway, in conclusion, I stopped taking the kratom for 24 hours, and then took 5-6 grams, and now I'm feeling great. But Kratom is a drug like buprenorphine, I've sadly come to conclude, where, less, is generally more. Luckily there is more room for getting a quality buzz with kratom, which can be speedy or sedating, but what I've learned is, you gotta come down before you re-dose. Also, if you have a 'hepatic' situation like I do, that ends with a C, or an A or B, you probably should watch it too. My face just
I'm listening to the misfits and Donald Trump talk at Anderson Cooper simultaneously, and it's hella punk rock! DEAD END ZONE, FUCK WORLD TRADE, FUCK AMERICA! We're getting what we deserve.
Do you ever sleep dear heart?
