ShardHunter
Bluelighter
I'm drunk. I know I'm drunk. But it's not FAIR. (And I can taste bullshit as I say this in my head. "No one ever said life is fair. Who promised us a fair life?" I say I say this in the bullshit workshops I claim to teach but I haven't really taught too many workshops. I have taught, I realize, even as I type this [I am constantly selling myself short, I meta-realize], more than I give myself credit...and every moment I open my mouth, I teach or learn or both...but I digress as us storytellers are wont to do...)
What isn't...what wasn't fair...oh...him. Yes. Ugh...My heart skips again. Dammit.
Yes...I don't have the energy for details. Not now. Not today...I'm still too close to the smoldering destruction. My head is high because I can ignore the searing Pain; it is now mostly pretend Pain and will ebb within the next few days to be replaced by Rage, and then Indignation before Contempt. The twin sisters of Forgiveness and Dismissiveness often arrive so close I cannot discern them one from the other.
In short, he arrived in brilliant light to lift me from my darkness. Perhaps, the fact he...may have been a spark - and I grew exponentially brighter in his presence - terrified him...maybe he was a fraud all along. Those of you who have read "The Devil With Love" by Robert Nathan may know what I mean...
Anyway...he showed up and showered me with love...he was magnificent.
And then he ghosted me.
After shattering my sorrow, giving me hope...after opening my old ass geriatric eyes to the idea love could possibly find me...and yes, I'm nowhere near old nor geriatric and even though I call myself raisin, I look like my sister's mother which is less an insult to me looking older than her and more to the fact it is obvious I am older than 25 but my sister is supermodel gorgeous and THANK YOU for thinking I'm her mother, actually, I'm her sister, our mother looks like an animated scarecrow zombie but thank you for the compliment.
And that's another reason why December continues to be the worst and most horrific month of the year for me. When I'm rich enough, I'll go into my bomb shelter just after Thanksgiving and come out after Three Kings'.
Fuck this.
Also...thanks, ya jackass. Just when my tiny, shivering, meekass heart thought it. was safe, way to Hiroshima that lil' beet. Fuck you, you beautiful ass narcissicist pansy bitch. And fuck you for ruining The Witcher for me, ASSHOLE.
What isn't...what wasn't fair...oh...him. Yes. Ugh...My heart skips again. Dammit.
Yes...I don't have the energy for details. Not now. Not today...I'm still too close to the smoldering destruction. My head is high because I can ignore the searing Pain; it is now mostly pretend Pain and will ebb within the next few days to be replaced by Rage, and then Indignation before Contempt. The twin sisters of Forgiveness and Dismissiveness often arrive so close I cannot discern them one from the other.
In short, he arrived in brilliant light to lift me from my darkness. Perhaps, the fact he...may have been a spark - and I grew exponentially brighter in his presence - terrified him...maybe he was a fraud all along. Those of you who have read "The Devil With Love" by Robert Nathan may know what I mean...
Anyway...he showed up and showered me with love...he was magnificent.
And then he ghosted me.
After shattering my sorrow, giving me hope...after opening my old ass geriatric eyes to the idea love could possibly find me...and yes, I'm nowhere near old nor geriatric and even though I call myself raisin, I look like my sister's mother which is less an insult to me looking older than her and more to the fact it is obvious I am older than 25 but my sister is supermodel gorgeous and THANK YOU for thinking I'm her mother, actually, I'm her sister, our mother looks like an animated scarecrow zombie but thank you for the compliment.
And that's another reason why December continues to be the worst and most horrific month of the year for me. When I'm rich enough, I'll go into my bomb shelter just after Thanksgiving and come out after Three Kings'.
Fuck this.
Also...thanks, ya jackass. Just when my tiny, shivering, meekass heart thought it. was safe, way to Hiroshima that lil' beet. Fuck you, you beautiful ass narcissicist pansy bitch. And fuck you for ruining The Witcher for me, ASSHOLE.
