frozen to himself

[RaspberrySwirl]

stop a moment
to breathe.
always jumping from one extreme to the next,
to avoid the pain of really
looking yourself in the eyes.
i don't know if
i've got it in me to hold your hand
feel like i did when
i was nine years old
the stroke that left me with vertigo
fumbling around in the dark
a room i had known for years
yet i
couldnt find the door
and i couldnt scream either,
who would help me?
cant sleep now that we are seperate
i cant even cry since i stopped the H
though it feels my chest ripped in two.
no where to go
no one to hold me so i can sob
so i
dont eat or sleep
down to 103 now
to see you drowning is to jump in the swirling mass of shit myself.
cant bring myself to sacrifice you or me
just trying to keep my head above it
and breathe....
my warmth hasnt begun to thaw you
is it really hopeless?
i cant take one more fucking thing thats hopeless
or this heart will turn to stone
i want to help you
i want to be here for you but you
push away
and for the first time in my life
i dont know how to be there for someone

 

[Shuddr2Think]

i want to help you
i want to be here for you but you
push away
and for the first time in my life
i dont know how to be there for someone
wow...i don't know what to say. i am going thru the same thing right now, and its horrible. just keep trying...
-me-

 

[up all night]

God this takes me back to about 6 months ago....
There's nothing worse then watching someone you love slowly self destruct and be powerless to stop them.

always jumping from one extreme to the next,
to avoid the pain of really
looking yourself in the eyes.
Yes. Perfectly, beautifully, tragically expressed. I wish I had read this 6 months ago.
This has reminded me of so much....touched something so deep inside me that I don't think I could ever explain. Thank you.