its 9.24am in england, the morning tried to creep up but i saw it coming hours off, it kindof gives itself away in the stealth department seeing as it consists of one big nuclear hydrogen explosion thousands of miles across rising into the sky. made the adjustment from ''last night'' to ''its today now'' in my head (my equivalent of waking up) and came on bluelight. left some post which is probably pretty worthless but described the pleasures of smoking in great depth, and that made it inevitable i'd go out for a fag. then forced some food and decided ''i'm going to take stock of shit, just for the fun and its good to know where you're at''. and it felt better to write it down so here we are, its purely a drama free update on something you dont care about in the space before some other thought distracts me like this one is beginning to do, but tbh you chose to read. if you're bored i'll put another dotted line underneath the report when i'm done, skip down to it and prepare to fail to be any more entertained
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general status report:
pulse: 104bpm
mass: 134lbs
general state: alive (always a win )
general sleep estimate: 2-3 nights sleep a week on average, some more some less.
drug being used and duration of use: amphetamine sulphate been using for about two or three months along with alot of ketamine and a random break for a week consisting of only ketamine which is not included in the time estimate
level of use: around 1/2oz per three days-ish at peak use, i'd say three grams a day at normal use. all insufflated, once rectal however
any secondary substances: some nice MDMA i found last night, some methoxetamine briefly, o-desmethyltramadol and some etizolam once
physical state: brain says i'm not tired body lets me know i am apparenlty
Heart: nahman, heavy beating sometimes and just fast aside from that
hyrdation/nutrition: i, unlike every single person i'm friends with knows how to sustain an amphetamine habit, constantly hydrated, make sure i eat a meal or two a day, literally force it down because i know i'll feel better for it, nobody else sees the motivation its sickening. thank god they only do it the odd night lol
mental stability right now, relatively ok, in general? poor. am becoming permanently slightly anxious and am able to think back on situations and think ''maybe thas not what happened'' and spot a whole psychotic fantasy right there, in general life is keeping head above water, trying to spot paranoia spirals and if i do reach them make sure i get off at the first exit. have reached fairly advanced stages of stim psychosis, but ensure at these points i will not be near people or outdoors (this is usually by the 85-90th hour sleep deprived but sometimes alot earlier depending on how much i'd recovered during the sleep preceding) and after spending at least two hours getting distracted from another line (things NEVER GET DONE PROCASTINATION TO THE MAX) this usually causes my body to give up waiting at that point and i fall asleep in front of it. i'm pretty sure i just changed from some kind of weird past/conditional to the past perfect but cba to change it. but yeh basically i wouldn't get away from a doctor without scripts for seroquel and zopiclone at the least. becoming more distant towards other people daily but i'm actually dealing with paranoia and mild-moderate psychotic symptoms. at times when it become severe then i just secure myself somewhere and enjoy the moments of lull between the next horror sequence. lets just say as on top of it as i can be, dopamine is literally burnt to the ground, tyrosine should be keeping that depletion manageable though. and all in all i'm learning to deal with my fractured mental state very well
this morning have consumed my survival morning diet of:
one bowl of raisin wheats (for fibre and vitamines and they're just healthy
two bowls of chocolate cereals for energy and sugar and fat
one cigarette
1000mg of l-Tyrosine
100mg 5-HTP (dont have this every morning)
a multivitamine
(and i forgot my daily banana)
this basically allows for me forgetting to eat throughout the rest of the day
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report done, i'm assuming no-one's reached it this far, but i'll keep writing for my own benifit because my mind naturally assumes i'm socialising even though i've realised that its doing this i still feel like i'm talking to someone even though it is in essence myself. then again stim psychotic dilerium often deludes me into thinking i've spent the morning with like three differnt people, kindof lonley in the times i surface and realise there's only one and its me :L
ah it feels good to be on bluelight (possibly) interacting (because i am probably interacting with no-one by this stage) with people who actually have evidence supported common sense background not to mention specialist drugs knowledge. if i have to talk to one more amatuer who just happens to have more drugs than anybody else because they happen to sell them, thinking they're the fucking ''pro drug expert, find me a labcoat'' and solemnly tell you ''nah matee your guy's base is cut, get mine right mines pure, oh and it goes off if its not in the freezer incidentally'' then asking ''why is it wet?'' when they're apparenlty some amphetamine sulphate base baron according to their purity claims (which would literally slaughter all his customers if he actually had it)
bluelight also helps me keep some faith in humanity, the vast majority of which is lost when some new newspaper article is published talking about some ''promising child of 16'' called tasha who looks like fucking ghetto fodder and how she did a line of mcat and died. she was just trying it for the first time on her 32nd healthy sleepless night whilst she just pushing the plunger on her simultaneous 4methylaminorex/Car-Fentanyl/MDPV/desoxypipradol shot IV into leg and the line was passed to her and she had to twist awkwardly to do it and the needle slipped injecting several mililitres of air into her vein. anyways they're suspecting the obvious culprit here which is the mephedrone and the wild amounts of rat poison it was undoubtedly laced with.
where the fuck did the lie about the rat poison being used to cut drugs originate?
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general status report:
pulse: 104bpm
mass: 134lbs
general state: alive (always a win )
general sleep estimate: 2-3 nights sleep a week on average, some more some less.
drug being used and duration of use: amphetamine sulphate been using for about two or three months along with alot of ketamine and a random break for a week consisting of only ketamine which is not included in the time estimate
level of use: around 1/2oz per three days-ish at peak use, i'd say three grams a day at normal use. all insufflated, once rectal however
any secondary substances: some nice MDMA i found last night, some methoxetamine briefly, o-desmethyltramadol and some etizolam once
physical state: brain says i'm not tired body lets me know i am apparenlty
Heart: nahman, heavy beating sometimes and just fast aside from that
hyrdation/nutrition: i, unlike every single person i'm friends with knows how to sustain an amphetamine habit, constantly hydrated, make sure i eat a meal or two a day, literally force it down because i know i'll feel better for it, nobody else sees the motivation its sickening. thank god they only do it the odd night lol
mental stability right now, relatively ok, in general? poor. am becoming permanently slightly anxious and am able to think back on situations and think ''maybe thas not what happened'' and spot a whole psychotic fantasy right there, in general life is keeping head above water, trying to spot paranoia spirals and if i do reach them make sure i get off at the first exit. have reached fairly advanced stages of stim psychosis, but ensure at these points i will not be near people or outdoors (this is usually by the 85-90th hour sleep deprived but sometimes alot earlier depending on how much i'd recovered during the sleep preceding) and after spending at least two hours getting distracted from another line (things NEVER GET DONE PROCASTINATION TO THE MAX) this usually causes my body to give up waiting at that point and i fall asleep in front of it. i'm pretty sure i just changed from some kind of weird past/conditional to the past perfect but cba to change it. but yeh basically i wouldn't get away from a doctor without scripts for seroquel and zopiclone at the least. becoming more distant towards other people daily but i'm actually dealing with paranoia and mild-moderate psychotic symptoms. at times when it become severe then i just secure myself somewhere and enjoy the moments of lull between the next horror sequence. lets just say as on top of it as i can be, dopamine is literally burnt to the ground, tyrosine should be keeping that depletion manageable though. and all in all i'm learning to deal with my fractured mental state very well
this morning have consumed my survival morning diet of:
one bowl of raisin wheats (for fibre and vitamines and they're just healthy
two bowls of chocolate cereals for energy and sugar and fat
one cigarette
1000mg of l-Tyrosine
100mg 5-HTP (dont have this every morning)
a multivitamine
(and i forgot my daily banana)
this basically allows for me forgetting to eat throughout the rest of the day
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
report done, i'm assuming no-one's reached it this far, but i'll keep writing for my own benifit because my mind naturally assumes i'm socialising even though i've realised that its doing this i still feel like i'm talking to someone even though it is in essence myself. then again stim psychotic dilerium often deludes me into thinking i've spent the morning with like three differnt people, kindof lonley in the times i surface and realise there's only one and its me :L
ah it feels good to be on bluelight (possibly) interacting (because i am probably interacting with no-one by this stage) with people who actually have evidence supported common sense background not to mention specialist drugs knowledge. if i have to talk to one more amatuer who just happens to have more drugs than anybody else because they happen to sell them, thinking they're the fucking ''pro drug expert, find me a labcoat'' and solemnly tell you ''nah matee your guy's base is cut, get mine right mines pure, oh and it goes off if its not in the freezer incidentally'' then asking ''why is it wet?'' when they're apparenlty some amphetamine sulphate base baron according to their purity claims (which would literally slaughter all his customers if he actually had it)
bluelight also helps me keep some faith in humanity, the vast majority of which is lost when some new newspaper article is published talking about some ''promising child of 16'' called tasha who looks like fucking ghetto fodder and how she did a line of mcat and died. she was just trying it for the first time on her 32nd healthy sleepless night whilst she just pushing the plunger on her simultaneous 4methylaminorex/Car-Fentanyl/MDPV/desoxypipradol shot IV into leg and the line was passed to her and she had to twist awkwardly to do it and the needle slipped injecting several mililitres of air into her vein. anyways they're suspecting the obvious culprit here which is the mephedrone and the wild amounts of rat poison it was undoubtedly laced with.
where the fuck did the lie about the rat poison being used to cut drugs originate?