From Oxycodone addiction to "recovery, who's been successful...FUCK

[tj11989]

So here I am, typing this, feeling blissful as shit. They say it takes a while for opiate tolerance to come down (don't quote me on that), but over the last 3-4 years, mine seems to stay at a fairly constant level. I can dose 15 mg. of a A215 Roxycodone and feel euphoric/happy/great for 1 - 2 hours easily. Sure, if I wanna get "higher" I can take more, but that takes more money/the right connect/a ride/time etc. etc. Of course, if I do only take a half of a blue, it's not gonna make me feel as good as 5-10 (10 being my usual maximum, I've never had a script or THAT much money, these shits are anywhere from $15-$25 around here). Plus constantly worrying about family seeing me high, cops pulling me or a friend over, and girls thinking "wtf is with this kids pupils" is kinda...shitty.

My question is this: Have YOU or anyone you know genuinely gotten CLEAN from all opiates 100%? I'm lucky to even give myself a month, and thats with using alcohol on weekends and benzos here and there to sorta "forget" the opiate craving. The "RECOVERY PROCESS" aka rehab, detox, halfway houses, state-run facilities, NA/AA meetings, doesn't seem to work for anyone who hasn't "so-called" hit their rock bottom; but then again, I have hit a few fucking shitty lows.

I'm sure I'm not the first pondering this, I just can't seem to find a thread hitting this exact subject. Idk man, it's like I know I'll be reading this tommorow when I'm withdrawing, hating the fucking world, when in reality everything is pretty much fine, except my mind and body makes me wanna rip my fucking hair out. Please share your side of the story if you guys have time, esp. if you yourself are a fellow opiate addict...does NA work? The "right" rehab? I've just about given up, knowing its gonna be needle time soon most likely...and with my addictive personality, it'll all be over if that shit happens.

Edit> removed triggering content<

 

[supermarket]

Man, your posts just made me more depressed

You can get high off 15mg, and probably get by on just that for the day

My addiction has gotten to the point where I need atleast 120mg a day to avoid w/d symptoms, and generally take a little shy of 300mg per day.

I dont get cravings, never did - if it werent for the terrible W/Ds, and the Post Acute W/D Syndrome, Id have already been clean, as I've quit twice. Once for 6 months, once for 2 months - and I couldnt deal with the lingering side effects and shittiness

Good luck brother, it really must be a mental thing for you , if thats the case, find something to replace it with man

 

[Vaya]

Faith.

Hello TJ. Welcome to Bluelight! (I see that you are rather new, at least to posting)

I want to say firstly that it took tremendous courage to post something like this here - any opiate addict knows that. I have (and in many ways am) where you're at; I've pondered the same questions and sought the same courage within myself. All in pursuit of that innate tranquility which, I strongly believes, is capable of ridding us of the narcotic obsession.

My history with opiate addiction is a part of my personal life that, wherever appropriate, I have spoken of to members of the Bluelight community (either in public or through private messaging). When others reach out hoping to get their lives back, I always do the very best I can to address their specific questions - partly because I feel I owe it to give back what I've been given throughout the courses of my many addictions; partly, also, because not doing so can mean the difference between life and death (of the body and/or the spirit). I am not currently a member of AA or NA, but I have spent significant time engrossed in their activities in the past, and can offer you plenty of solid insight when it comes to managing your attitudes towards recovery as well - IF that particular route appeals to you. There are many others, and it's important to understand that none is the "right" method of recovering from this type of affliction. Breaking free can occur, so to speak, on a case-by-case basis in a variety of ways. But it can occur.

I would love to address your specific questions, and in a broader sense I am sure that many others on these boards will want to do the same. I've sent you a private message; please check it out and get back to me if you are so inclined.

Once again, welcome I truly hope that you can discover and utilize the magnitude of what this community has to offer you.

Namaste

~ vaya

 

[Swerlz]

I'm a recovering opiate addict. It started with the roxi's, then moved on to a full blown IV heroin addiction. After the support of my friends and family, I decided to check into a rehab. Spent 2 months in there. I learned a lot about myself and how to cope with the things I normally used drugs to "hide". Today I'm a little over 4 months clean and living every minute of it. I feel like I it back in high school. Energetic, happy, and out going. It's a great life now.

I do still get urges, but instead of acting on them. I talk about it and in 5 minutes the craving is no longer there. It's a long hard road,but the pay off is SOOOOOO great. Why risk it?

It is possible. Build a support group of people who you think will care enough to see you happy and healthy.

Keep your head up.. Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk about any. I'm here to help

 

[megawoof]

it sounds from reading your thread that your intake is on the low side which is a good thing if you want to become clean from opiates im currently got and addiction to opiates usually do about 160mg of oxy plus other stuff like demerol/heroin/fentanyl i think if you really want to become clean you must have a plan and a goal to focus on i find the psychological aspects of opiate addiction the worst you must be ready and be strong mentally to overcome this meetings/thearpy/counselling are all useful tools to help you become clean do as many of these things as you can it might take a while to find the right people to help you with this as it can take a while when you go to meetings to find the right people you feel comfortable with it is in your grasp to overcome addictions if you are really ready to do it but dont feel pressured in to doing it for sumbody else or because you think its the right thing to do
well good luck with what ever you do in future

 

[euphoric123]

3-4 years and you still get high off 15 mg? if you can take a month off your definitely not addicted...(you just want to get rocked, but hey who doesnt)...big difference than being addicted. Somebody whos addicted needs them everyday all day....u my friend, are not addicted.....my girlfriend got an rx of percs after she had surgery (she never takes opiates) and she didnt feel anything off 15mg. Trust me if you were addicted ur tolerance would be much MUCH higher

 

[hydrochron]

Do you drink or anything else? Quiting drinking helps alot. You need to take a step back, and look at everything when your not high. What your doing with your life and what you plan on doing. Yeah oxycodone is really euphoric. But is it really worth the trouble, and money? You need to start asking your self some of these things.

When your ready to quit, you need to just STOP. What you really need though is a strong reason, why your not going to take drugs. Or a certain drug. Once you figure out what that is, everytime you think about it you can think of that reason and not do it.

For awhile your going to need have to fake liking not being high. Have you ever heard that expression "fake it until you make it". Well do that, and eventually, probably with in 4 months things will just blend. Your life will definently get worse before it gets better. Just remember people have had it alot worse and made it, to be normal productive members of society.

After you quit you'll feel good and probably once every blue moon randomly want to go out and get high, once you do this you'll mentally want it, or you might get high and find out that you already felt really good and it isn't doing much.

Good luck man, hope this helps.

 

[Pwninator]

I feel you man. I have a pretty low opiate tolerance because I'm not able to sustain a daily habit. If I took 45 mg of hydrocodone or 30 mg of oxycodone right now I would be very high. Back home, I don't have the hooks. At college, I have the hooks but not enough money to buy them all the time. So whenever I get money I blow it all on opiates, it's depressing to think how much money I've wasted on them. I could have bought myself two new guitars with that money

Anxiety, mainly social anxiety, and depression are problems I deal with daily in my life. I've been on an SSRI before, and quit it due to side effects. I loved opiates from the very first time I tried them. It was vicodins that showed me the wonderful world of opiate euphoria, and I had no idea what I was getting into at the time. I found some vics in my house that I thought were long gone, from when I had had my wisdom teeth extracted back in '04. I popped two, expecting just a sedated feeling, and became so happy and talkative! After they were gone I felt compelled to seek them out again - those little pills that made me feel sooo good. And find them again I did.

This led to me damaging a friendship with one of the friends I've known the longest. He's my only friend that went to college with me, and he ended up breaking his back and getting a norco script. After awhile I started swiping his pills, I justified it to myself by saying that he wasn't taking them, so why let good opiates go to waste? Ahh, those lovely 10/325s. I must have taken 50 or 60 before he found out eventually. Then I found a new hook that got me OC's and roxis, I loved how oxy would make me feel stimulated yet sedated at the same time, add some weed to the mix and it only gets better! I tried smoking black tar heroin, I tried some other pharmaceuticals like Opana.

The longest break I've had from opiates for a while was three weeks. I've realized it will take a lot longer than that for the cravings to subside. I know what it's going to take: being able to become more satisfied with my life, instead of trying to avoid dealing with my many issues. It'll take gaining more confidence in myself, and more self-esteem. Then maybe I won't be thinking about opiates every day. But sometimes I just feel overwhelmed by everything, afraid of what will happen to me in my future, afraid I will fail myself and my parents. And I just want to pop or rail some pills and run away from it all.

Every time I spend money on vics, or roxis, or OCs, or whatever is around, my mind tells me that it's worth it. Then I run out, and I feel like utter shit. I've never experienced severe physical withdrawal but my on-and-off opiate usage still results in withdrawal symptoms every time I come off of them. Yawning, runny nose, hot and cold flashes are the most common physical symptoms. But that's manageable, what really hurts me is the soul-crushing depression, the restlessness and anhedonia. I thought this would be an opiate-free summer, boy was I wrong! After that three week break the vics found me, and I was back on the train for a week. Back at college for summer school, and the OC's found me. I ended up trying IV dilaudid for the first time. Back home and my friend finds a bottle of vics... Goddamn it I just can't stay away from these cursed things

In two days, I'm going back to college. And my opiate hook will be living even closer to me. My money will be limited but I always find ways of getting money. I know that if I fuck up, I'll probably have to leave school and then will really be hurting my chance of being successful in the future. I'm afraid, because as much as I know that opiates are hurting me, I still know that when they're around, I won't have the will-power to turn them down. My hook will call me up, letting me know he's got "roxis 20 a piece!" and I'll empty out the contents of my wallet, a look of glee upon my face, shaking with giddyness in anticipation of the high that will be soon to come.

I'm 20 years old and am psychologically addicted to opiates. May God help me...

 

[dokomo]

From my point of view, opioid addiction really stands out from other addictions.

I think that for some people, the key to recovery is to learn to NOT trust yourself, your own inclinations, your thoughts, your opinions, etc. Combining this resolve with the right program can lead to success.

The reason being, opioids hijack our normally functioning approach/avoidance system, producing real physiological and psychological changes in thought patterns. Meaning that your brain is physically/psychologically changed and not particularly good at making decisions and determinations about getting clean, because the decision making part is what has changed.

Your brain has repeatedly reinforced taking opioids, (and many times other aspects of the habit--the needle, the surroundings, the ritual) so thats exactly what your approach/avoidance system expects you to do.

Knowing this, its easy to see why making decisions opposed to this and sticking to them on a day-to-day basis is so bloody difficult.

 

[BIGsherm7272]

I am a recovering medium-heavy user of opioids. I have been clean for almost 6 months, and to be honest, I don't feel any better mentally yet. I am still very foggy and think about using everyday. It is quite a difficult addiction to deal with.

 

[Nib]

I got clean from all real opiates but am kinda stuck on Kratom now.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

In a rare occurrence, I'm skeptical of some of what you're saying, dokomo.

I took opiates in doses averaging 2-3x what the OP is taking, for a similar duration of time and didn't experience physical or psychological changes you're speaking of upon cessation.

I think the effects you describe are largely accurate but the neurological 'changes' you attribute them to are not. As someone studying addiction and addiction counseling, I think these effects are largely true for any situation of chemical dependency.

For the most part, the DOC and its specific pharmacokinetics are less relevant to the relationship the individual cultivates WITH the DOC. Addiction isn't a biological reaction to prolonged exposure to a drug but a biological, psychological, spiritual, social, all-encompassing reaction to the imbalance drug abuse causes in people's lives.

As a result of the above, recovery has to be a process that addresses all of the effects this relationship has had on an individual's life. Over and over again (especially around here) I see people go through withdrawal, try sobriety without making any other changes, fail within a short period and then claim hopelessness, blame the drug, etc.

Recovery is *not* easy and I would never claim that, but a lot of the people railing against recovery programs (inpatient, outpatient, intensive outpatient, group counseling, 12 step, rational recovery, and on and on) do not fully commit to change in their life before proclaiming defeat.

Change occurs in a pretty linear pattern for almost everyone. We all start at the pre-contemplation stage before considering change.

If we recognize a problem, we start thinking about it and possibly addressing it, this is the contemplation stage.

To be successful in making change we have to follow the next 3 steps-

*Preparation- you have to know what you are getting into and make the proper arrangements physically, psychologically and so on. If you just dump all the ingredients in a bowl and throw it in the oven you won't get a cake, you have to prepare properly for the desired results.

*action- this is taking the necessary steps to changing. For many (not all) this may include some form of treatment or formal support. In general, people have to address why it is that they use and what it will take for them to remain sober. Of course its never this simple

Lastly, and often neglected is...

*maintenance- you can't go through a 90 day treatment and think, "I'm cured!" And then go back to the same life and friends and circumstances that lead to use previously. After figuring out why you use and what it took to quit, you have to maintain these changes or you will slide down these steps back into use.

For more information, look into the 'stages of change model'

OP, if you want to talk further or have any other questions, please feel free to PM me any time, I'd love to help in any way that I can. Recovery is possible for everyone and oftentimes the most successful recoveries are the ones where people did *not* allow their lives to get so out of hand they hit bottom. People just have to be willing to commit to change and do what is necessary to achieve and maintain those changes.

With all this said, I think this discussion is probably better suited for TDS forum so I'll send this over there.

*tds mods* if you don't think this belongs, feel free to move it or sent it back.


--->TDS

 

[bagochina]

The "RECOVERY PROCESS" aka rehab, detox, halfway houses, state-run facilities, NA/AA meetings, doesn't seem to work for anyone who hasn't "so-called" hit their rock bottom; but then again, I have hit a few fucking shitty lows.

I dont know about that. I know I didnt hit my bottom and things could get much worse very quick. I do have 6 months off opiates [bupe for the last 8 yrs. heroin maybe 3 times in the last 5 yrs] Long habit before all that. You forgot to mention 'jails' and 'homeless' above because that will happen too. I have a real strong feeling that if I were to use and get a habit again I wouldn't last too long. Probably end up blue on some dead end street after gulping down a handful of xanax and shooting a gram shot.

peace.
seedless

 

[theseeker]

I have quit opiates many times and in the past have had some serious habits (at least for me). After a run with OC's around 2 years ago- I swore off opiates for like 6 months but then started again. For the last year I've taken Vic's and perc's fairly regularly but I never let the habit go above 20 mg a day and I make sure to take breaks for like 2 weeks or so. Otherwise the expense is too intrusive. Also, the w/d get pretty fucking annoying.

So I guess, at least technically, I haven't been able to quit opiates. As long as they're available I'll continue to get them- at least for little binges.

 

[belfort]

i have been clean from opiates for 4-5 years now..i dont crave them at all so it can be done..thats not to say i dont indulge in another substance from time to time...just as a social tool thats all..

 

[johnny oxy]

I tapered a 140-160mg oxy ir to 20mg. a day. I have not broken my taper plan but was so close one time, I was looking at 30mg broke out in 4 lines for 4 hours. I didnt do it though. I didnt have any wd's til my dose got to 40mg. a day. I have them everyday. The symptoms are always different than the day before. But YES I do get high off of a 5mg. oxy. Amazing because just a couple months ago I needed 40mg. to get high. And before I was addicted and used recreationaly with a low tolerance, I needed at least 15mg to get high. Whoever said that opiates stand out unlike any other drugs, hit the nail on the head. One thing I know to be true is everyone is different and it is gonna suck. But it can be done. I could not vision a life without opiates until recently. I have kind of got used to wd's and know it's almost over. I have even been eating better, having more energy, and my sex drive is back. Maybe not for everyone, but I had no appetite and no sex drive while using high doses of oxy. When you quit get some OTC stuff that helps and if you can get to a doc they can give you some rx that helps. You can find the oTC stuff that helps on this site. And if you can get any benzos, like xanax,klonopin,valium, they help. Good luck.

 

[HeroinGoblin]

Well heres my 2cents on addiction brotha.. From what you posted id have to say you should put down the opiates for a while if not permanetly( easier said than done i know..) the sooner you do it the better. Things are going to get worse before they get any better if you keep it up.

The first time i gave getting clean a shot i made it three months. I had a pretty decent habbit i needed atleast 120mg's of oxy a day just to be straight. Opiate addiction kinda seeks up on ya, the first time i w/d i was clueless to what was going on, i just figured i had a really bad flu or something. My dude called me up and told me he had 80s so i picked a couple up thinking "what the hell if im sick atleast some oc will take the edge off" I picked up 2 of em and did one and ill be damned. The oc was the miracle cure for a flu.. Or so i thought until i realised that they were the cause hahha. It took me about a day or two to figure out that i didnt have a flu i was physically addicted to opiates.

After about 6 months of use i ended up breaking down to my familey and letting them know what i was into and what i was going thru. They were upset, but they were really supportive and took me to the ER. After waiting in the er for what seemed like a year(30hours) i ended up in a medical detox. I was put on a subutex taper and once i got out i managed to stay clean for 3 months.

Until my best friend sister died who i was really close with and myparents also went thru a horrible divorce where i was thrown in the middle of it all and just couldnt deal with it. We ended up going on a fullblown balls to the walls oxy fuck fest. This lasted for about a year. Until finally i tried quitting again. Stayed clean for a few weeks. Than started doing H, this is where things started to get out of control. I burned so many bridges, i lied to my familey. stole about 20000$ from my mom and lost any relationship i had with my dad. My mom is rich so she didnt even notice me slowly taking money out of her account.

I ended up quitting my job, and just became a straight junkie. IV heroin became my life. what im trying to say is give this shit up well you can man because it only leads you down a path you really dont wanna take. If you have any questions on quitting or getting thru withdrawals id love to help ya man. I may not be clean now but thru experience i know how to get thru w/d and i know what you need to stay clean. You have to put double the effort into staying clean as you put into staying high. After you get thru w/d's you need to have a solid support system, N/A meetings are great for meeting people and holding you responsible for your actions. Getting a sponser who you have to check in with daily can go a long way. One on one therpy, a shrink, group therpy and talking things thru with familey and friends all also help. All this plus a sub matience program could really help you. It all depends on YOU tho. Like i said tho man, if you need ANYTHING id really like you to PM me. Maybe we could help each other clean up, im on the end of my rope here too, i really need help from my fellow blue lighters. The support on this site is amazing. If anyone has a minute send me a PM, and let me know how you got sober. Sorry for the long post. Thanks all. Peace n love

 

[PillPoppingAnimal]

i did it...

i dont go to na meeting tho, i find them depressing and makes u want to relapse more if i go to them...

u end up being like...."omg im thinking of using..... i need an na meeting now!"...i see people like that all the time...

IMO!! i say find ur own way to deal with ur problems...just cuz we live in this society things are set in stone .. u get clean u must go to NA...what u think people did in the early 1900s or 1800s or even before when they hada get clean...its called LIVE UR FUCKING LIFE~!

 

[jwestlock]

I don't know what your life is like, but my, I've been using opiates for 4 years, and I do nothing. I go to work, I come home, I sit around and read a book or surf the internet, and that's it. I don't have friends really, I'm not involved in any activities etc. Right now I'm tapering down and am working on adding some structure to my life.

I'm still using, and I don't know the answers, but I've been thinking about it a lot and that's the strongest theme I see. Opiate addicts by and large lead lives without structure. Many don't even have jobs, their time is just spent taking drugs and either spending time alone or socializing with other drug users.

I think it's mostly just about shifting your focus in life from short term thinking to long term. I mean for the last 4 years for me, my thoughts have rarely gone beyond a couple days in advance. I'd sit in class at university feeling excited about going home and getting high. But I haven't had any goals. I think that's really the key to a satisfying life, to work towards things that take time. Getting into a career and going as far as you can in it, getting in shape and healthy, learning about new things.

So I mean what's your situation, if you can say you lead a really active life, have long term goals you're working towards, take care of yourself physically, have a job you like or are taking steps towards finding one you do, and you're feeling totally stuck with addiction, I'd be amazed.

That's the best I can figure. It's a habit fueled by free time and boredom.

 

[What was it?]

So here I am, typing this, feeling blissful as shit. They say it takes a while for opiate tolerance to come down (don't quote me on that), but over the last 3-4 years, mine seems to stay at a fairly constant level. I can dose 15 mg. of a A215 Roxycodone and feel euphoric/happy/great for 1 - 2 hours easily. Sure, if I wanna get "higher" I can take more, but that takes more money/the right connect/a ride/time etc. etc. Of course, if I do only take a half of a blue, it's not gonna make me feel as good as 5-10 (10 being my usual maximum, I've never had a script or THAT much money, these shits are anywhere from $15-$25 around here). Plus constantly worrying about family seeing me high, cops pulling me or a friend over, and girls thinking "wtf is with this kids pupils" is kinda...shitty.

My question is this: Have YOU or anyone you know genuinely gotten CLEAN from all opiates 100%? I'm lucky to even give myself a month, and thats with using alcohol on weekends and benzos here and there to sorta "forget" the opiate craving. The "RECOVERY PROCESS" aka rehab, detox, halfway houses, state-run facilities, NA/AA meetings, doesn't seem to work for anyone who hasn't "so-called" hit their rock bottom; but then again, I have hit a few fucking shitty lows.

I'm sure I'm not the first pondering this, I just can't seem to find a thread hitting this exact subject. Idk man, it's like I know I'll be reading this tommorow when I'm withdrawing, hating the fucking world, when in reality everything is pretty much fine, except my mind and body makes me wanna rip my fucking hair out. Please share your side of the story if you guys have time, esp. if you yourself are a fellow opiate addict...does NA work? The "right" rehab? I've just about given up, knowing its gonna be needle time soon most likely...and with my addictive personality, it'll all be over if that shit happens.

Edit> removed triggering content<

mate, just do it once every 2 weeks and actually enjoy it. that is supposed to be the purpose of taking drugs recreationally....enjoyment. Ask yourself next time you want to take oxys earlier than after 2 weeks what this will give you? Nothing. Try to substitute with Kava kava (if you give yourself some time with this you will subtly feel this helps, much better than benzos) I took heroin with 15 and have never been addicted to anything else but cigarettes when i was 15-17. YOU CAN DO THIS DUDE. It is not that hard. With your free time try to discover other things you might like to do> Art, sports, movies, exercises, galleries, or jsut malls...whatever....try to cherish life and drugs every now and then.

Also, don't try to quit opiates-whast the point of that? Opiates are great drugs....you just need to treat them with respect and they will treat you back with respect. It's all give and take with opiates. If you need any further help let me know.