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From injection to acception

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posttrip

Greenlighter
Joined
Sep 22, 2015
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13
Im 22 years old. Ive been battling with injection drug use since 16. On and off for years shooting everything i could but mainly heroin/ketamine. I have been 3 months off needles and im starting to feel like a human again. Im waking up every morning feeling rested and capable of taking on the day. I am really enjoying all of this new found energy and enthusiasm i have towards living clean. At night time however I still have these horrible dreams about getting high, Finding a vein or picking up which wakes me in a pool of sweat nearly every night. Its getting better as time passes but Im feeling like if I can survive the realism of these dreams by waking up in the morning and NOT calling my dealer than im basically capable of anything right???? Anyone dealing with these crazy ass dreams??? They suck ass and Im kinda nervous about giving in one day. They just seem so real !!!
 
Lots of BL folks have talked about the power of 'using' dreams. I think your strategy to use them as fuel for your resolve is a good one. Stick with that. Also, remember that though you may have been transported back to whatever good feeling you got from the injection, remind yourself of the temporary nature of that feeling as opposed to the more long lasting consequences that followed the euphoria.
 
My dreams have faded into nothingness and my g/f reports the same thing after about a year of being on methadone. I think i may have had a using dream recently but they are never in the detail that they would have been when i first stopped, like i woke up and had a vague memory of something maybe like finding a vein or something. I never really get triggers so i can watch addicts on tv use in vivid detail and not care or feel much. I said to my mother "i may always have a weird connection to the needle like when i see it on tv it makes me think of stuff in my life but it is neither good or bad its probably similar to what people who never used experience except it reminds me of me and not someone i know or something foreign much like a movie about a high school party may remind you about high school but it doesnt drive you to try to go to high school and act like you did then."

I am a big believer in time removing all of this and as you get better memories and good life experiences they will be replaced. Its like "do you get a craving for a childs christmas when you see one in a movie even though you had good ones and we would all like that back at some point?" Memories fade as they get replaced you should be fine :)
 
Yes...definitely dreams of using...from IV use to when I stopped taking OxyContin...I dreamnt I was walking knee-deep in them in my bedroom. I even bent down to touch them to see if it was real or not...in the dream I touched my face trying to see if it was true....and it was horrible waking up.

They will stop. It's part of getting well. :)
 
I think time seems to take care of all this. I can't remember my last dope dream.
I did dream about losing my teeth, so I must still fear losing control. They say that is what that dream means
 
Yea, for me the falling type dream where all I can do is struggle and squirm in vain while dropping to my death is what it felt like when I had my last using dream...
 
In my using dreams, I am back at rehab, or back in my dad's house and I have somehow got a rig full of morphine and I can't find a vein. There is obviously someone on the other side of the door about to come in, but I just won't stop trying to find a vein until I finally wake up covered in sweat, scared that I have messed up my sobriety. I mean I am literally at the point of looking around my bed for the needle to make sure it wasn't true, and that I still am sober.

These usually come when my days are extremely stressful. It is like my subconscious reminding me that using was how I dealt with that stress for a long time. Now when I have those dreams they just cause me more stress.

I say it quite a bit, but I would suggest keeping a journal. Write these dreams in there. Sometimes you can draw a correlation between things that happened during the day and having a using dream.
 
I like having using dreams, because I wake up immediately feeling guilty and like I fucked up and then realize it was just a dream and feel good about myself. I used needles but never got the "needle fixation" thing really, I never shot anything other than heroin and though obviously it was my preferred ROA I never shot anything else. My love was for a needle full of heroin, not just for a needle. However, I know one guy ten years sober who had a really bad needle fixation - shooting tap water, shooting all manner of tablets not meant to be shot, every drug he could put in a syringe he would etc - and told me whenever he used to get his cravings coupled with overwhelming thoughts of using needles, he'd go and get a tattoo. Unorthodox but apparently it worked.
 
I used to have horrible vivid dreams, and still do about my drug of choice. I was taught in rehab to give them no mind and every former addict has them. Some of mine have been so bad they've almost caused me to relapse but you've got ton a lot of good advice on this thread and remember, you're not alone☺️
 
I still have "sick" dreams too-where in my sleep I feel horrible -dope sick-sweaty and restless....and everything I'm dreaming is very negative, dark-I think I hate these dreams almost more then when I'm just about to use and something happens to interrupt it. All part of the territory.
 
I find something to help sleep helps. I take Trazadone and you can have vivid dreams on that stuff but I don't have hardly any using dreams. I have them when I have insomnia and prone to them. I know how you feel stargazer cause I've been there. Good luck
 
closeau hey- I take amitryptilline (sp?) to sleep- but its not the most effective or reliable. Sometimes it takes 2-3hrs to work (I know really weird, but true) or it doesn't work.

I need to talk to the Dr. about that...Thanks for the suggestion. :)
 
No problem. My Trazadone takes like 45 min to work. When you start a little grogginess in morning. I was started on 50mg now I take 100 but my prescription is 100-300 a night. I was taking 3 but I have to get up at night and empty my ostomy bag and take pain meds so I can't hear my alarm at 300. I tried 200 for awhile and still couldn't hear my alarm. Now I'm down to 100. It used to take 300 to get me to sleep but the Trazadone along with Kolonopin and hydroxizine really helps. I suffered from insomnia for lots of years but I'm glad it's under control. Plus Trazadone is an anti deppresant so it might boost your mood. Good luck!
 
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