From friends to something more.

[psytaco]

A few weeks ago I was out with some friends. I was chatting with a girl whom I have been friends with for about 8 years. Not close friends, but friends none the less.

She had recently broken up with her boyfriend of like 4 to 5 years. It sounded like a pretty amicable break up (both just having grown apart) and she was the one who broke up with him. She seemed to be pretty fine with it and not upset at all.

As we were talking I noticed that something had changed a bit with how we interacted. She seemed more flirty and engaged in me than usual. I guess I got a vibe that she may be interested in me. There wasn't anything concrete, just more of a feeling I had.

She has also been messaging me and calling me more than she normally does. Actually, she never really called or messaged that much previously. She has invited me to a few different things, one being a gig next friday with her and some other mutual friends. This in itself is nothing out the ordinary.

As I am not living in Melbourne anymore she said I could stay at her place.

Now my questions are: 1) how do I know this is not just her being a friend and that my vibes are a bit off? Further, if she is interested how do I find out or make a move?

To be honest, nearly all of my hook ups and relationships have come from meeting a girl and things getting sexual pretty quickly. It hasn't happened with a friend who I have known for ages. So I don't really have much experience with this.

 

[pokepoke420]

Just talk to her man. I would ask how she actually views you. Be open, if you have a crush on her, tell her. If she doesn't than it's fine, her excuse could be "oh I have been in a relationship for a long time, I'm not looking for something like that."

You just have to be open and up front.

 

[Lysis]

Oh, I do love the friends to lovers thing. It's so much better.

I subscribe to the rule that girls know within 3 seconds of meeting you whether they would have sex with you. Doesn't mean anything will happen. Doesn't mean she'll give off a vibe and it doesn't mean she'll jump your bones. It just means you have a chance if the opportunity were to present itself and even then her brain might stop herself from doing something.

Anyway, from your post, if she flirts with you, hangs out with you and offered up her place, it sounds to me like she's dropping hints.

I would go hang out with her, and if she is still flirty with you and you get a good vibe from her, tell her "before this night is over, I am going to kiss you" and see how she reacts.

 

[Pagey]

Yeah it sounds like she's hinting at something. I wouldn't make any obvious moves too quickly - you don't want to risk losing your friendship if it turns out she's not into you - but if you could go dancing, drinking, whatever with her it would definitely help...any environment where it's easy to figure out what the other person is thinking, basically. You can also try to drop some hints yourself, things like 'you look really beautiful today' and see how she reacts.

 

[Pariahprose]

A few weeks ago I was out with some friends. I was chatting with a girl whom I have been friends with for about 8 years. Not close friends, but friends none the less.

She had recently broken up with her boyfriend of like 4 to 5 years. It sounded like a pretty amicable break up (both just having grown apart) and she was the one who broke up with him. She seemed to be pretty fine with it and not upset at all.

As we were talking I noticed that something had changed a bit with how we interacted. She seemed more flirty and engaged in me than usual. I guess I got a vibe that she may be interested in me. There wasn't anything concrete, just more of a feeling I had.

She has also been messaging me and calling me more than she normally does. Actually, she never really called or messaged that much previously. She has invited me to a few different things, one being a gig next friday with her and some other mutual friends. This in itself is nothing out the ordinary.

As I am not living in Melbourne anymore she said I could stay at her place.

Now my questions are: 1) how do I know this is not just her being a friend and that my vibes are a bit off? Further, if she is interested how do I find out or make a move?

To be honest, nearly all of my hook ups and relationships have come from meeting a girl and things getting sexual pretty quickly. It hasn't happened with a friend who I have known for ages. So I don't really have much experience with this.

It sounds like she wants something more than just being friends,which makes since if you stop and think about it. Yall have been friends for 8 years and through that time both of you has witnessed the other go through various changes in life and I would bet that during that time you both have shared many good times and bad times together. If she seems to be sending off different vibes than she usually has during the past 8 years of knowing her than chances are that she probably is. I understand that during that time you have not known her in that way but maybe she is just trying to give you a chance to ~.^ When she says something flirty,say something flirty back to her,but be yourself when doing so to make her feel secure that you will be the same person that she has known for 8 years and possibly slowly fell in love with over that time. Don't let a change in the status of where you and her stand relationship wise change who you are as a person.

Of course, I do not personally know her, but based on some of the things you said I feel I can make fairly accurate remarks on a few of her personality traits,which might be helpful to you if you feel I am correct in them. If she is trying to make a move into a romantic relationship with you, it is apparent that she is wishing to be in a relationship with someone that she already has a sense of security with. She is likely seeking a sense of security that she once felt while around a close male family member(likely her father). On the flip side of that coin she may be seeking out the security she never had when younger. Either way, it comes down to the shared archetype of the father so keeping this sense of security and expanding upon it is key to being in a successful relationship.

One thing to be careful about as well is moving in to quickly. Try the whole romance thing living seperatly for a little while,as it may already be slightly akward being together in that way but living together would likely increase that feeling. Not to mention putting such an already delicate relationship through something that can already be a stressing situation under normal conditions is just asking for somebody to be overwhelmed and make a possible good situation into a failed bad situation. Its different when actually living with someone. But best of luck ^.^

 

[Pretty_Diamonds]

It sounds like she's interested. Just go with the flow. If you like her--it shouldn't be that hard. Reciprocate the flirt.

 

[psytaco]

Yeah it sounds like she's hinting at something. I wouldn't make any obvious moves too quickly - you don't want to risk losing your friendship if it turns out she's not into you - but if you could go dancing, drinking, whatever with her it would definitely help...any environment where it's easy to figure out what the other person is thinking, basically. You can also try to drop some hints yourself, things like 'you look really beautiful today' and see how she reacts.

Thanks for all the advice guys.

I think I will follow pagey's advice, proceed forward but with a little bit of caution. I am thinking of handling this in a more subtle and slower manner than I normally would due to the chance of messing with a friendship or making things awkward in my friendship group.

Normally when a girl likes me (or I like the girl) I am generally pretty confident and forward, and this often works. But with her I am feeling a bit hesitant to make such a bold move. Do you think go through the whole seduction process as I have always done or instead play it a bit more slow and cool? Is it worth taking the chance or waiting until I have a better idea about how she feels? Is it as important 'to strike while the iron is hot' as it is when hooking up with girls normally.

I don't know. Despite what others have said on here, and the vibe I get from her, I am still far from sure she is interested. She is a friendly and sweet girl (if I had to describe one of my friends as a 'sweet heart' it would be her), hence I am thinking that maybe I am misreading things. This is a bit confusing for me. Maybe it is a confidence thing, but I have never entertained the thought that girls I have been friends with for ages see me romantically. I guess I have this idea of myself as being perceived as someone who slept around alot and used alot of drugs (as I was when I first met this girl) but in that time I have changed alot as a person, had long term relationships and become more serious about life (grown up basically) - I have this idea that none of my female friends see me as boyfriend or lover material, but just as a platonic friend. This could all just be my own neurosis.

Anyway, I messaged her and told I would be down on friday and asked if it was possible if I could crash on the couch at her place - she said of course. So yeah, we are going out on Friday night to check out a DJ, other friends will be going too. Alcohol and dancing will definately be involved. Amphetamines and MDMA may also be (though no MDMA for me as I am on antidepressants at the moment). So there is definately a recipe for something happening.

I do have one last question - say if a cute girl happens to come up talk to me or I talk to a cute girl - and say we hooked up and my friend found out about it, do you think that would ruin the chance of something happening with my friend at a later date? I know this might seem like an odd thing to ask but I have been living in this small arse country town for two months where I haven't even seen an attractive single woman, let alone flirt with one or have one chat me up. On the other hand nightclubs and parties are full of them, and I am a bit more loathed to pass up opportunities than I normally would be. In a nut shell - would it be dumb to pass up another girl hitting on me just because there is the prospect of something happening between me and my friend?

 

[bunnymunro]

Gees, psytaco, thats a big question....for starters, the said cutey would need to have her own place, it would probably be a bit awkward taking her back to your friend's place... :O
Perhaps you should ask your friend "what if a guy hits on you during the night, would would you take him home, or would you rather I hung around so that he gets the idea we are together and stop pestering you?" to get an idea of where her intentions lie... I know that I have been out with platonic friends who did not want to be picked up, and without actually saying that we are a couple, have pretty well implied it to randoms who would hit on her.

 

[Pagey]

Mmh, if this girl means a lot to you as a friend I think it's definitely important to take things a bit more slowly than you usually would. Especially since, seeing as she's just coming out of a break-up, if you're too 'clear' and it turns out she doesn't feel that way at all she might think you're trying to take advantage of her a bit.

I do have one last question - say if a cute girl happens to come up talk to me or I talk to a cute girl - and say we hooked up and my friend found out about it, do you think that would ruin the chance of something happening with my friend at a later date? I know this might seem like an odd thing to ask but I have been living in this small arse country town for two months where I haven't even seen an attractive single woman, let alone flirt with one or have one chat me up. On the other hand nightclubs and parties are full of them, and I am a bit more loathed to pass up opportunities than I normally would be. In a nut shell - would it be dumb to pass up another girl hitting on me just because there is the prospect of something happening between me and my friend?

I don't think it would necessarily ruin anything, but it probably wouldn't help tbh putting myself in her position, if I did have a crush on you and you ended up hooking up with someone else while I was there, it would be pretty hurtful, even if I couldn't blame you for anything. But it might make me take my distance regarding something happening between us in the future. I dunno, this is kinduv a sticky situation but considering you're gonna be at a club with her and alcohol/MDMA, I think if anything's destined to happen between the two of you that night should be a pretty good indicator!

 

[Lysis]

Wat? I missed the part about him hooking up with another girl knowing the one has a crush? Oh jeez no no no bad.

 

[pofacedhoe]

considering you're gonna be at a club with her and alcohol/MDMA, I think if anything's destined to happen between the two of you that night should be a pretty good indicator!

if you hook up with another girl consider your chances with this one gone. once i realise someone is just going to hook up with anything that comes along then that makes me view them as a one time piece of meat as thats where they are at behaviour wise

 

[Lysis]

And it will hurt her if she has a crush on you. It would be kinda mean.

 

[Pagey]

Yeah basically

 

[llama112]

I do have one last question - say if a cute girl happens to come up talk to me or I talk to a cute girl - and say we hooked up and my friend found out about it, do you think that would ruin the chance of something happening with my friend at a later date? I know this might seem like an odd thing to ask but I have been living in this small arse country town for two months where I haven't even seen an attractive single woman, let alone flirt with one or have one chat me up. On the other hand nightclubs and parties are full of them, and I am a bit more loathed to pass up opportunities than I normally would be. In a nut shell - would it be dumb to pass up another girl hitting on me just because there is the prospect of something happening between me and my friend?

I would almost guarantee that yes, if you hooked up with another girl while hanging out with this girl that you like - you will have basically no chance of anything happening with her. Flirting with another girl could make this girl you like jealous.

If you want to hook up with another girl, make sure you're you're not with the girl you have a crush on at the same time!

 

[deldone]

I would almost guarantee that yes, if you hooked up with another girl while hanging out with this girl that you like - you will have basically no chance of anything happening with her. Flirting with another girl could make this girl you like jealous.

If you want to hook up with another girl, make sure you're you're not with the girl you have a crush on at the same time!

^^

First thing is to ask yourself what are your feelings towards her? If you think that this is not just a fling it would be best to take it slowly and see what happens. It might turn out to be a good relationship - you never know. You mentioned that she is your friend, so she is not just some random or some girls you just met a club. You will have to evaluate what this friendship means to you before making any rash decision.

But if your only interested to hook up and because your bored, it is probably wise to keep that friendship. At the end of the day, it really depends on how you value your friendship with this girl.

Best of luck %)%)

 

[psytaco]

^^

First thing is to ask yourself what are your feelings towards her? If you think that this is not just a fling it would be best to take it slowly and see what happens. It might turn out to be a good relationship - you never know. You mentioned that she is your friend, so she is not just some random or some girls you just met a club. You will have to evaluate what this friendship means to you before making any rash decision.

But if your only interested to hook up and because your bored, it is probably wise to keep that friendship. At the end of the day, it really depends on how you value your friendship with this girl.

Best of luck %)%)

That is a good question. To be honest up until this point I have never entertained anything other than platonic feelings towards her. She was dating a very good friend of mine when I first met her, and then later dating another guy. We have been friends, but never close friends. The only reason that I have been thinking differently about her lately is because I get the impression she has been thinking of me differently.

With all that said, she is a cool girl. Caring, sweet, smart and pretty. So she definately ticks all the right boxes. But as for thinking of her as a hook up or relationship material, I don't know. I don't even know if I want to get into a relationship just yet considering the last one was such a head fuck for me.

It would be good to just play things cool and see if 1) things progress and 2) if they do progress where they go. I just don't want to be misinterpreting things, make a move and then be wrong about and make things awkward or weird for her. Nor do I want to make things weird in my friendship group. To be honest though, I think if I did make a move and she knocked me back she is cool enough not to let it affect our friendship.

ideally what i would like is just to see how things go, and there to be no consequences if things don't work out. Kind of how it works with the type of dating I'm used too.

 

[deldone]

It would be good to just play things cool and see if 1) things progress and 2) if they do progress where they go. I just don't want to be misinterpreting things, make a move and then be wrong about and make things awkward or weird for her. Nor do I want to make things weird in my friendship group. To be honest though, I think if I did make a move and she knocked me back she is cool enough not to let it affect our friendship.

ideally what i would like is just to see how things go, and there to be no consequences if things don't work out. Kind of how it works with the type of dating I'm used too.

I think you've got my point %) Hope things will work out well for you both! :D