Sept 20, 2004 - Nov 13, 2004
Well she finally had done it. Elena had tried black tar heroin IV'ed a total of 6 times. During the course of the 6 shots, Elena had been without her painkillers, and a couple times with them. When 1 or perhaps 2 days passed without her doing either shots or pills, she had been at work one early morning telling herself that the cold sweats and chills she was experiencing was due to the fact she had a lab coat on, but she also knew that was total bullshit. How many millions of H users had she heard say in the beginning, "Only a few times or only once in a while." If every drug addict got paid a nickel for every time they heard a newby utter a similarity of those words, including themselves, they'd all be walking around with some serious change clanging around in their pockets. While Elena really liked Ana, not to mention the dope, meth and H both, she knew that unless she imposed a forced separation between herself, and her neighbors Ana and Juan, she was looking at a repeat of round 2 getting strung out on opiates, only perhaps this time even more intense.
Twelve years ago, she had gone through a very dark period in her life with 2 years of being heavily strung out on pills, the black outs, the mood swings, the outbursts of anger and tears, the numerous bouts of vomiting because she either forgot how many pills she'd already taken and kept re dosing, or if not, making a judgment error and dosing too high cause she wasn't aware of how fucked up she already was. For 2 years there was always the fear of running out of pills, having constantly to work hard at getting alot of them, suffering the shit of withdrawals, and even worse having no pills to take and subjected to nasty migraines days on end until she DID get some pills, then seriously trying 2 limit her intake by not giving into the monkey, only to HAVE to take them due to extreme physical pain. It was one fucked up, vicious cycle, stuck on repeat.
Noooo fucking thankyou, uh uh was she signing up for a repeat of that scenario. "Ok Elena, you're 40 years old now, been there, done that. The writing is on the wall. You must separate yourself from Ana and Juan, and you must do it right now." Doing so, however, was going to prove to be a bit more challenging, because never before did she have user friends as neighbors. She was emotionally vulnerable and she knew it. She also knew herself, and didn't bullshit about the fact that, sooner or later, eventually Ana and Juan, their H and meth waved in her face, she, Elena would wear down. There were 2 things she could do to handle this situation that would work best. Beggin God for protection with pleas of desperation repeatedly, asking a couple friends to pray on her behalf to start.
The 2nd was listening to her intuition to stay away from her apartment for 3 days, which she did. She was an inch away from slipping and falling, and she could smell trouble brewing. Ana had gotten arrested twice during that time, the 2nd time for a prolonged stay at the Pomona Correctional Institution for Women. Ana didn't take any pains to keep a low profile, she insisted on being a thief even though she had no talent in that line of work whatsoever and Elena had told her so. People had a way of taking others down with them that didn't watch their own back. There was no one to look out for Elena other than herself, and she'd be damned if she'd allow her livelihood to be taken away from her due to another's criminal drama and negligence.
Often times, more often than not, drug users tended to be some of the nicest and fun characters this earth has to offer. Still, there is a down side of course. They could be manipulative and careless, and unless one knew what these people were really about and what to watch out for, then too often unsuspecting or passive types end up getting scammed or screwed, although not necessarily out of malice on the dope fiend's part. She looked out for herself, and God looked out for her too. Yes the heroin had been nice. It made her feel warm just like her pills did with a touch of serenity. She found black tar heroin like she'd been told was indeed weak, seeing as how her 1st time was able to take 1/2cc all at once, yet still feel less of a buzz than she got with her pills. It was probably just as well that in Cali, cleaner, white heroin is rarely found. SHe had no regrets trying it though. The day she experienced a mild form of the cold sweats was the day she decided to put a permanent halt on future shots. Shows over, she had her fun. She was glad she had the foresight not to go for round 2 strung out on opiates rerun.
Ana's letters from prison made her sad. Inside she was clean, cept for some anti depressant or psych med they were giving her. Reading Ana's letters, seeing her mind free of methadone and H at daily large doses, not to mention meth, coke, and a variety of other Rx pills, the sad fact was the doped up version made more sense then the sober, slightly psychotic or neurotic mind that came across in the letters. If these disjumbled thoughts and confusion were her sober mind, God help her, no fucking wonder she did heroin, methadone, and a smorgasborg of drugs. Her mother Linda told Elena that Ana had been a fearful, asthmatic child, plagued with constant insomnia. How awfully sad. Opiates and downers to quiet the voices or constant discord in her head. Finding bliss in the luxury of sleep or do without. It wasn't always just about getting high for some people. For her, Elena, getting zonked out on opiates allowed her to get away from herself and life itself. She had loved to sleep her life away, but felt very fortunate thats ALL it was and not more, unlike Ana and some others.
Epilogue:
Elena stuck to her guns, and has not done H after the last time around Sept 20. She continues to refrain. Elena had it out with Juan, who remains banned from her house unless he's sober. That said, Juan's visits have been down to practically nil. Ana remains in the custody of the Pomona Correctional Institution For Women for a sentence still unknown, pending a charge of accessory to homicide pressed by George's family. They claim it is her fault because they liked to shoot H together. George had a stroke in Ana's living room one morning before he had a chance to shoot the dope and take the downers he bought. She is looking at at least a year for a parole violation by seeing another user and using.
Well she finally had done it. Elena had tried black tar heroin IV'ed a total of 6 times. During the course of the 6 shots, Elena had been without her painkillers, and a couple times with them. When 1 or perhaps 2 days passed without her doing either shots or pills, she had been at work one early morning telling herself that the cold sweats and chills she was experiencing was due to the fact she had a lab coat on, but she also knew that was total bullshit. How many millions of H users had she heard say in the beginning, "Only a few times or only once in a while." If every drug addict got paid a nickel for every time they heard a newby utter a similarity of those words, including themselves, they'd all be walking around with some serious change clanging around in their pockets. While Elena really liked Ana, not to mention the dope, meth and H both, she knew that unless she imposed a forced separation between herself, and her neighbors Ana and Juan, she was looking at a repeat of round 2 getting strung out on opiates, only perhaps this time even more intense.
Twelve years ago, she had gone through a very dark period in her life with 2 years of being heavily strung out on pills, the black outs, the mood swings, the outbursts of anger and tears, the numerous bouts of vomiting because she either forgot how many pills she'd already taken and kept re dosing, or if not, making a judgment error and dosing too high cause she wasn't aware of how fucked up she already was. For 2 years there was always the fear of running out of pills, having constantly to work hard at getting alot of them, suffering the shit of withdrawals, and even worse having no pills to take and subjected to nasty migraines days on end until she DID get some pills, then seriously trying 2 limit her intake by not giving into the monkey, only to HAVE to take them due to extreme physical pain. It was one fucked up, vicious cycle, stuck on repeat.
Noooo fucking thankyou, uh uh was she signing up for a repeat of that scenario. "Ok Elena, you're 40 years old now, been there, done that. The writing is on the wall. You must separate yourself from Ana and Juan, and you must do it right now." Doing so, however, was going to prove to be a bit more challenging, because never before did she have user friends as neighbors. She was emotionally vulnerable and she knew it. She also knew herself, and didn't bullshit about the fact that, sooner or later, eventually Ana and Juan, their H and meth waved in her face, she, Elena would wear down. There were 2 things she could do to handle this situation that would work best. Beggin God for protection with pleas of desperation repeatedly, asking a couple friends to pray on her behalf to start.
The 2nd was listening to her intuition to stay away from her apartment for 3 days, which she did. She was an inch away from slipping and falling, and she could smell trouble brewing. Ana had gotten arrested twice during that time, the 2nd time for a prolonged stay at the Pomona Correctional Institution for Women. Ana didn't take any pains to keep a low profile, she insisted on being a thief even though she had no talent in that line of work whatsoever and Elena had told her so. People had a way of taking others down with them that didn't watch their own back. There was no one to look out for Elena other than herself, and she'd be damned if she'd allow her livelihood to be taken away from her due to another's criminal drama and negligence.
Often times, more often than not, drug users tended to be some of the nicest and fun characters this earth has to offer. Still, there is a down side of course. They could be manipulative and careless, and unless one knew what these people were really about and what to watch out for, then too often unsuspecting or passive types end up getting scammed or screwed, although not necessarily out of malice on the dope fiend's part. She looked out for herself, and God looked out for her too. Yes the heroin had been nice. It made her feel warm just like her pills did with a touch of serenity. She found black tar heroin like she'd been told was indeed weak, seeing as how her 1st time was able to take 1/2cc all at once, yet still feel less of a buzz than she got with her pills. It was probably just as well that in Cali, cleaner, white heroin is rarely found. SHe had no regrets trying it though. The day she experienced a mild form of the cold sweats was the day she decided to put a permanent halt on future shots. Shows over, she had her fun. She was glad she had the foresight not to go for round 2 strung out on opiates rerun.
Ana's letters from prison made her sad. Inside she was clean, cept for some anti depressant or psych med they were giving her. Reading Ana's letters, seeing her mind free of methadone and H at daily large doses, not to mention meth, coke, and a variety of other Rx pills, the sad fact was the doped up version made more sense then the sober, slightly psychotic or neurotic mind that came across in the letters. If these disjumbled thoughts and confusion were her sober mind, God help her, no fucking wonder she did heroin, methadone, and a smorgasborg of drugs. Her mother Linda told Elena that Ana had been a fearful, asthmatic child, plagued with constant insomnia. How awfully sad. Opiates and downers to quiet the voices or constant discord in her head. Finding bliss in the luxury of sleep or do without. It wasn't always just about getting high for some people. For her, Elena, getting zonked out on opiates allowed her to get away from herself and life itself. She had loved to sleep her life away, but felt very fortunate thats ALL it was and not more, unlike Ana and some others.
Epilogue:
Elena stuck to her guns, and has not done H after the last time around Sept 20. She continues to refrain. Elena had it out with Juan, who remains banned from her house unless he's sober. That said, Juan's visits have been down to practically nil. Ana remains in the custody of the Pomona Correctional Institution For Women for a sentence still unknown, pending a charge of accessory to homicide pressed by George's family. They claim it is her fault because they liked to shoot H together. George had a stroke in Ana's living room one morning before he had a chance to shoot the dope and take the downers he bought. She is looking at at least a year for a parole violation by seeing another user and using.
