From alcohol addicted. Want get sorber but now on Diclazepam and Pyrazolam

I will declare more tomorrow. Stressful days must relax, now...


(PS. I know sometimes my writings are hard to fallow. Because with WD I can not make a clear focus. I did my best. Everytime I read my writings and I see some failures - I correct it.)
 
Help!

8(

Hello bluelighters,


it's me LifeIsStrange - standing and still fighting.
What I found out for now:

Diclaz are the worst - will work on 4mg but that fucking metabolites makes you addicted as hell, after a specific time.
Without the metabolites it would be a proper way.
Have tried the it the last 3 days again but, it will only work for 6-8 hours - than get a little tiredness, after that - WD back.

After I lowered again and again my dosage as described in my first post before - it was my life what fucks me again. So to reduce the stress level and to to have a sleep - I began (HOW DUMB!!!) to drink a little amount of beer again. But it raised quickly to a level that was alerting me. Main problem was in that days that I had pure Ethanol 80% too and think that I could taper. Used a calculator plus a little plastic cap that can hold 5ml...
... but if you drunk you will be more thirsty - so clear what happened - I drank always more. Gabba rebound and addicted again to alcohol. I have to stop that shit. Because I think will loose my life complete if I walk that way.

Pyrazolam:
Now about 2 hours ago got WD from alcohol again. Which makes me going nuts. You must know that my Autonomic nervous system is very senstive. I tend go to have sweaty hands, feets and my blood pressure gets in condition yellow. To much pressure DIA. (Buyed even a device to check that). So I popped 4mg of Pyrazolam, because I heard in high doses it will be sedatating and you can pass out. What I am trying to do. Because I think you can better kick a drug when you are able to sleep.
But as you can see I am up again. Will try this again in a couple of hours.

Help me please!

I can not go to a doctor. And I have to do so much paperwork, throwing out things from my flat or selling it - because I will move as fast as possible away from here. Next week I must go to the judge, because my medical care system sued my even they got paid. Makes things not better. Especially I do not know the exact time because I do not know where the papers are atm.

So what to do? Must be ready with many things on Monday. Lot of calls - months ends - loans, etc.
Stick on alcohol - with I can control best if only a specific amount is available say: 6 beers (0,5) or take that fucking Dicalaz (which I do not trust any more, because I don't know how long it take to be addicted again (5, 10, 15) days? How long tapering takes.

What a mess...

Even tried a combination of today with 0,3l beer before a big meal and after that the rest 0,7l but horrible after I did this symtoms came back so quickly. So experiment fail.

What next have here a good ammount of Diclaz and Pyraz left, 3x Clonazolam, 2x Flubromazolam, 3x Flubromazepam (Not good - onset takes too long and duration 1-2 days - no way!), DPH, Valarian Root, and a few mg of Amitriptylin floating somewhere arround.

Amitriptylin is a tricyclic antidepressant that forces you to sleep at the first days. But the side effects are to heavy for me. Hangover, fogginess the half day. So can not stand up. Sweating, in all not the way I wan't to go.

So what can I do best atm?
 
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BTW
Taking that MMS seems to be real good way. But MMS is Chloride which is an oxidant, and vitamins are an antioxidants. So if I am taking MMS I will kill my vitamins which are helpfully to detox.

My father says always. What I did can you do too. But he had no clue what addiction makes in your brain and body. For me alcohol is the devilish drug ever. Because you I drank for over 15 years with no problem. But suddenly it I got WD symptoms, blood pressure problems, heart is not beating regularly when a big hit come.

---

Finally think the Pyraz (took it at 4:20) and the Valarian Root is kicking in because I get yawing. Hope to sleep a few hours and wake up clear headed...
 
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Cool got 137/88 Pulse 61
Reached green Zone. But do not know why. May be my body want to take a nap.
May by the Pyraz? Because I feel a little bit dizzy. Can not think clear. But this is lack of sleep or plus Benzo/Alc problem.
But I decided to stay awake until this night. Can not awake at night an miss the day light. Must get the right rhythm back.

Bah, Winter is suboptimal when you wan't to make sport in the nature...
 
So now for 24 hours awake.

Bah, that sucks. Ate 8g of Valerian root and drank a few coups of Valerian tea. Was ready for bed at 20:00 but I found it too early. So I waited and ate something. Then got WD again (Can't stand why, whole day was good, until a few hours).
Fuck must sleep. :!
But I think this is the problem. I am setting myself under too much pressure. Can not do my papers, because brain is not functional without proper sleep. But cleaned up my room. But now I must be silent - neighbours sleeping...
... will eat now 4g Valerian again and make a tea again. And if I ate 4mg of pyraz I got brain fogged totally the next day.
Now I am laughing because it is so crazy. Meals where top today. Went to curch. Was really productive but still awake. May be I should quit reading BL - %)
 
So after being 27 hours awake I popped 0,75mg Clonazolam. Did the last 3 hours some paperwork. Found the papers that I need with the dating details with Lady Justice and my evidence papers that will protect me from the lawyers from medical care. So I can kick their butts. Have enough time to be clear headed when the meeting is.

The reason why I choose to took that Clona is. Wan't finally sleep because my schedule plan for tomorrow/today is full. Can't stay this night again without sleep. Because the last hours I realized that I am torturing myself with that kind of sleep deprivation and how I go to the WD. Fucking Diclaz I popped since Tuesday and Thursday. Long lasting benzo - arrgh could kick myself in the butt for that. But must stop that bad alcohol WD. So I will go this way. Hope that the Diclaz are not blocking the Clona and on the good side Clona has no metabolites.

Plus I forced my self so hard the last hours that my muscles are hurting on my back. This must not be. Know what to do now . So I must have a rest. But I achieved today every single task I wanted. Hip Hip Hurray! Crossing fingers to fall asleep now.
 
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Had the best recovering sleep for the last weaks. So cool that I gave myself 11 hours of rest. Good decision do not regret it.
 
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