Friendship

Keif' Richards

Keif' Richards

Moderator: BDD, OD
Staff member
Joined
Aug 4, 2010
Messages
8,425
Location
Lowell/Charlestown, Massachusetts
It's pretty sad realizing friends aren't who you thought they were. I've been in the hospital with several different problems for about two weeks and would've loved to have heard from friends other than my high school best friend Cori. He has been with me through thick and thin and as soon as he realized I was in trouble, he drove from 4 hours to hang with me. I reminded me of what friends are actually supposed to be. A 20 minute phone call from someone would've been great. At any rate I know who I can depend on now after going through this experience. Don't trust anyone, and I'm not making that mistake again.

I can't believe this person felt the need to bullshit me so hard. It's like I'm dealing with a completely different person. I feel worse for them than for myself. There will be no free stuff unfortunately.

Anyway, I got the hospital IT guy to unblock BL after I explained to him what it was (It's done by keywords). I'm going to try my best to keep up with things while I'm dealing with all of this stuff. I'm really so sorry for letting the entire community down.
 
Hey mate I am sorry you are sad and yeah you are right about findong out in tomes like yhis eho your frirnds are.

Heh, going into a psych ward and withdrawal unit was scary and also not something I wanted anyone to know but couple best mates I told as we're best mates, one still is and has been for 25 years. The other, well, lame excuse she had to go shopping and needed new eyeliner but really did not want to be seen there nor have anyone associate her with having a mate there. Despite her bf and mates all known addicts and my housemates.



It hurts .

You are a wonderful person, hope the food is okay and you get back on top.
 
Seriously, reading through this page has been the highlight of my entire week. Out of all of the people that I expected to reach out and ask how I was doing, it ended up being my friends on Bluelight. I'm almost in tears knowing that you all care so much for me, as this has been a very lonely experience. Every day is just an IV bag change or two, receiving my medications, watching MASH reruns (second highlight of my day) and waiting. Just waiting.

I always thought I would end up near-death or dead in a hospital, but not for something like this. It really makes me ponder all of those times I said "I wish I was dead". Now that I'm staring it in the face, it is such a different feeling.

Long-story short guys, as a lot of you have brought up, it really sucks when people who say they care about you don't have the time to try to communicate or even just say "Ryan, I care". It is such a lonely feeling and it makes me feel like a fool for ever trusting anybody so quickly and so totally. Everyone likes to be there for the "ups" apparently, but "the downs" suddenly make folks' schedules utterly packed. Not a minute. Not a second. Not a fucking emoji. It's just so depressing.

But I don't need those people. You all have made me feel like I am cared for and appreciated. I can only say that I value you all in the same way. I am so lucky to have so many care so much.

-Keif (Ryan) :)
 
Keif without being mean, you gotta go out and communicate and sometimes friends are like stars, they are not always there but they're there. So don't do this, remember.. digital interaction cannot replace human interaction, don't drift in a fantasy world. I hope though you are okay and let's hope you will give up on drugs and do something with your life other than being high and those $ spent on drugs, could be well spent on other things like travelling, seeing this world before you go into the grave because belive me afterlife isn't real, although I think you already know this.
 
Keif' Richards said:
It's pretty sad realizing friends aren't who you thought they were. I've been in the hospital with several different problems for about two weeks and would've loved to have heard from friends other than my high school best friend Cori. He has been with me through thick and thin and as soon as he realized I was in trouble, he drove from 4 hours to hang with me. I reminded me of what friends are actually supposed to be. A 20 minute phone call from someone would've been great. At any rate I know who I can depend on now after going through this experience. Don't trust anyone, and I'm not making that mistake again.

I can't believe this person felt the need to bullshit me so hard. It's like I'm dealing with a completely different person.
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It's at your lowest ebbs that you find what really matters.
I wager that most have had this experience, Keif - it is really tough. However, you can use it to feel defeated or, fuel yourself toward resilience and spending your energy on looking after yourself & finding things & people that actually, have value.
They exist.
The rest is just fluff. 😉
Look after yourself, you seem like a really decent human; get yourself well and keep your head up. ❤️
 
Shady's Fox said:
Keif without being mean, you gotta go out and communicate and sometimes friends are like stars, they are not always there but they're there. So don't do this, remember.. digital interaction cannot replace human interaction, don't drift in a fantasy world. I hope though you are okay and let's hope you will give up on drugs and do something with your life other than being high and those $ spent on drugs, could be well spent on other things like travelling, seeing this world before you go into the grave because belive me afterlife isn't real, although I think you already know this.
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Damn. This is passive aggression to a tee. I wasn't implying that I don't go out or that I don't have friends. I mean, you're really welcome to think what you want about my personal life. I don't know you and you don't know me so I don't know exactly where all of this is coming from. I have a job that I actually love, have traveled and taught English to the poor in the process and am hospitalized for a reason other than drug use. You don't typically spend 3 weeks in the hospital because you have overdosed. I'm sober, yes, but I would be lying if I said I didn't go off track for 1-3 days every once in a while, and even this is usually just drinking. Binge drinking is really my last vice that I'm trying to beat.

I get it if you feel bad about what happened in that thread, but you have to get over it dude. It really was such a small thing and you're turning it into me being like your arch nemesis or something. I would say to you, learn how to take things a little less seriously, be nicer to people and try to not get so wrapped up in such small shit. I understand if you're depressed or bipolar or something and I have no ill judgement for you.

You are clearly projecting, as you know nothing about me. I still don't take it personally as I assume it comes from a place of deep hurt. If you ever want to talk about it or try to mend this tension, talk to me. I don't need negativity in my life right now.

I guess I was trying to say that it's better to have a few, true and close friends than it is to have many acquaintances. Please, and this is my only issue with you, don't refer to Bluelighters as if they are not real people because they are on the internet. There are a lot of folks for whom we are all they have. Do not bring them down. Let go of the negativity and try to embrace some good shit.

I stand by what I said, you are all all True Blue Friends for taking the time to send good vibes.
 
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And for the record, I was hoping one of my friends from work would walk (neither of us have wheels) up the hill to the hospital, and eventually, she did, so I do apologize for painting her in a negative light. She said she was busy and would come up when she could. A week went by, I grew despondent and expected the worst... and she eventually showed up with a plush "Champ the Lake Champlain Monster" stuffed doll and some coffee from our favorite joint here in town.

I apologize to the universe for being so pessimistic. I was lucky that I got good back from the negative vibes I was sending. Probably gonna be out within a few days. If anyone who has my old number wants it, I'm trying out the Wal Mart phone thing for a month to see if it is better and I'd be happy to provide it.
 
Keif' Richards said:
Damn. This is passive aggression to a tee. I wasn't implying that I don't go out or that I don't have friends. I mean, you're really welcome to think what you want about my personal life. I don't know you and you don't know me so I don't know exactly where all of this is coming from. I have a job that I actually love, have traveled and taught English to the poor in the process and am hospitalized for a reason other than drug use. You don't typically spend 3 weeks in the hospital because you have overdosed. I'm sober, yes, but I would be lying if I said I didn't go off track for 1-3 days every once in a while, and even this is usually just drinking. Binge drinking is really my last vice that I'm trying to beat.

I get it if you feel bad about what happened in that thread, but you have to get over it dude. It really was such a small thing and you're turning it into me being like your arch nemesis or something. I would say to you, learn how to take things a little less seriously, be nicer to people and try to not get so wrapped up in such small shit. I understand if you're depressed or bipolar or something and I have no ill judgement for you.

You are clearly projecting, as you know nothing about me. I still don't take it personally as I assume it comes from a place of deep hurt. If you ever want to talk about it or try to mend this tension, talk to me. I don't need negativity in my life right now.

I guess I was trying to say that it's better to have a few, true and close friends than it is to have many acquaintances. Please, and this is my only issue with you, don't refer to Bluelighters as if they are not real people because they are on the internet. There are a lot of folks for whom we are all they have. Do not bring them down. Let go of the negativity and try to embrace some good shit.

I stand by what I said, you are all all True Blue Friends for taking the time to send good vibes.
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I think you are gettin a bit offensive for no reason, no one jumped you. The irony here its huge, even though you realise this. It's something, haha. Dunno man, I cannot speak with someone who didn't learnt so.
 
Recovery and support. 'Swat it's all about. Man down: Don't leave him behind... carry that MF if you have to but for sure don't kick him in the nuts.
Know this thread is gonna turn into a combat zone (as most eventually do) so will follow and give support by way of any element. Prepare for amazement....
🇭🇷
 
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Blogs are a bit different to threads in the rest of the forum. Anyone can just shoot me a PM re: any responses on their blog they'd like to have removed.

These are our little individual corners of BL, and as long as you don't violate the BLUA, you can do whatever you like with them.
 
Shady is a hard-ass but is beautiful inside. They have v. good & smart motivations. :) <3 ( most of the time ;) )
 
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