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Friends with benefits turned messy...

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robotkittens

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 28, 2012
Messages
17
Location
NV
So, months ago, I posted on here asking how people's experiences had been with friends with benefits relationships, because I had recently gotten into that sort of thing.

Can I just say right now it did not go well and I need advice. -___-

The whole thing started after months of a failing relationship with my then-boyfriend. Some stuff happened between me and a male best friend and I broke up with the boyfriend a few hours later. From then on, me and the best friend in question started hooking up and he was staying the night at my house and we would do everything together and kiss and cuddle and ALL THAT LOVELY STUFF. It was GREAT, but I was developing feelings and I didn't think he felt the same. Sooo, one night at a party, I kissed this dude and my best friend caught wind of it and got REALLY MAD. And told me we were supposed to be sticking to each other. So, he forgave me (I guess) and we moved on, continuing things. I didn't kiss anyone or anything like that anymore, just him. But since then, he has been incredibly mistrusting. Like, if I go out, he will accuse me of "having fun with guys" and generally fucking around and shit. And then he will subsequently tell me that our friends with benefits thing is over and we need to just be friends. Except.. every time this has happened, he will come to my house to just hang out, and we... ya know. Then we would resume the FWB. Anyway, eventually all the accusations came a stop. Just recently actually, like a few weeks ago. Things were going pretty awesome, until the other day. I told him I was at the movies and would text him after. When I later looked at my phone, what do I see?! Accusations out the asshole! I was out with my family and so livid about being accused of things that I sent him a picture of my family for proof even.
-__-

Well, from there, he once again said we need to just be friends. And I agreed, though I was pretty disappointed in the turn of events. He said he was way too insecure about everything, and it was my fault for fucking up so long ago, and so on and so forth. However, the other night, I went to a party and he heard about it and GOT MAD. ACCUSING ME OF DOING THINGS WITH DUDES. Like, I don't get it, what is going through this guy's mind? He has spent the last three-ish hours telling me how stupid I am and how much he doesn't trust me and generally being a little jackass. Ordinarily, I would not put up with this kinda shit but me and this dude have a LOT of memories and good times, and I would hate to just throw it at all away. And I really DO like him... when he is not giving me this bullshit attitude of his, anyway.

I don't really know how to proceed with things. I have no idea how to get him to talk in a sane and rational manner. I have no idea what he wants or what he is thinking. I would like to be just friends if it needs to be that way, but he himself seems to be having trouble with that, with his accusations and whatnot. Can someone just give me adviiiiiice? :C I know there's not a lot of detail in this post for such a long relationship thingo, but you get the general idea of things and I can expand on anything if need be.
 
Honestly I think the best course of action is to not only completely quit the whole FWB thing with this guy, but also just cut contact with him for a little while. It sounds like he's clearly unable to handle a FWB situation and you just both need some time off from each other. Considering you were already such good friends before hopefully if you both get some time apart and see other people you'll be able to be just friends again.
 
I replied to your other thread in September and said it wouldn't stand the test of time. I will tell you now. I don't think you can go back to being just friends. If you can it will be a minor miracle. Too many other emotions have come into play that have nothing to do with friendship to just turn them off. Consider it a learning lesson and move on. You will probably try to make it work as friends and I don't blame you but it happened to me in the 80's and 90's and we never could go back to just friends. Best of luck to you.
 
In my case there were feelings of jealousy and other emotions that you don't have with just friendship. The friends with benefits hardly ever clearly defines how or if the relationship will evolve. Both parties go into it with the best of intentions to keep it platonic but at a sexual level. When that inevitably fails there is a sense of .....well failure for one or both. That leads to frustration,jealousy or both from one of the people especially when the other person seems to still be playing by the 'friends' rules.
Plus, going back to being friends is tough as you pointed out when you two get together sex almost always is on the agenda. You can give it a try and I hope it works out but there is already insecurity on his half to deal with and I don't think that will die easy.
 
i have gone back to friends after a fwb situation. you need to not see them at all for a while. thats what i did

might not always work
 
Dude sounds like a chick

I think we have sort of a reverse "IT'S A TRAP" situation

But on a serious note, he's a dick, if you're not officially monogamous, he's got no reason to bitch. And he's obviously doing an excessive amount of bitching. So just call it quits, he's being consistently dumb and not gonna stop
 
It sounds like he's developed feelings for u more than just fwb so unless your ready to sit down with him and say let's be bf and gf and cut all this nonsense out then I agree with everybody else's assessment here and u should just stop cold turkey. Who knows maybe u do want to have a relationship with him more than just fwb and if so maybe if u were to commit yourself to him he would ease up a bit on the jealousy. Although once a man is jealous where it becomes more of a controlling situation its most likely never to end. Just sounds like he's to immature for anything serious.
 
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