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Friends with benefits, or more?

D

DreamsnMidnightBlu

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 13, 2012
Messages
7


Ok, This is my first time on here, so sorry if my story hops all over the place, and sorry if it is dragged on, I honestly don't know how to ask my question or what I am quite asking at all...
I guess just feedback. I'm not sure where to start! but I'm just spinning. So, there is a man who I knew when we were in junior high together, we just ran into eachother about two months ago, it had been fourteen years since the last time I saw him. After running into him, he messages me on facebook to text him, so a couple days later I did.

I invited him to come to my work and hang out since I was not busy and we hadn't seen eachother in a while, (not that we were close as kids he is just amazingly sexy) so he comes over, ends up going home with me, we get some beers, smoke some pot, kick it, and just end up getting along really well. We did not sleep together that night, or for a while after we started spending so much time together. Anyways, he has driven to my house just about every single night for the last month to come have a good time, kick it a while, cuddle/have sex or both depending on how tired we were and how early we both have to get up for work. I have NO kids. he has two boys, I have never dated anyone with a kid either, but I am not upset with the idea and I do love kids. So we spend all this time together, he has brought his kids around me, and stayed the night and slept inbetween us in the bed. every here and there, he holds my hand, and sometimes it seems Im not getting as much attention ( but I failed to mention I am a Virgo, and he as well is Virgo) so maybe he is just being typical virgo man, thinking you should know they care without having to shower you with affection, and I could just be being crazy over thinking analytic, insecure, attention wanting (needing) Virgo woman.

So, we sleep together, literally and figuratively, we hold hands. we kiss, sometimes I get just one on the cheek, sometimes full passionate make out session, he has insisted on buying me things every day, he has spent well over $800 on random things for me in the last month and a half, if I ask him to brush my hair or rub my back, he will, if he is hungry I get up and cook his something no matter what, I spoil the shit out of him and he does me too. we ACT like a couple. But here is where my confusion comes in.. When we are together, he ALWAYS makes it a point to point out the status of our relationship.

He will say things like "where have you been the past
ten years of my life". then it will be "It is so amazing to have a
friend like you, someone who isn't crazy or jealous, claiming me immediately,
is so awesome, sweet, and beautiful". or he will tell people in stores "this is my ol lady"
but then he will make sure to tell me "well we arent together but who knows what will happen in the future" He mentioned how amazing I was blabla and after him saying how "he loves how patient I am, we are becoming so close, i dont know how ive gone so long with out you, we are forming such a strong relationship, thats what I need a friend that could one day grow into a real relationship, and I love how we are, it would be perfect", and I tell him also that (because I was in a ten year relationship) I do not want to rush into anything at all. and in fact it's true, I just dont know what the hell is going on up there because he is so wishy washy.

he is also very flirtatious with other women even in front of me, but i have to be cool bc we are friends :p.. he also is extremely attractive and im very insecure and wonder how he could even be attracted to me..He has stopped by my work just to give me a kiss and ask how my day was... it's just that even though it SEEMS he has feelings for me, he always tells me somthing that sounds like he is madly in love with me the contradicts it to somehow throw the word friends in there, then other times talks about our "future relationship" that we "could have" when I talk bad about myself, he got upset and said "I think your beautiful so thats all that should matter" i responded "youre not mine, so it isnt the only opinion that counts" he says " I could be yours, one day, but how can you let anyone love you if you cant love yourself"... He has told me that neither me or him are tied down, and that if he ever did sleep with someone he would have the respect to tell me, i said I would do the same but that I do not believe in sleeping with multiple people at a time, just because I think its slutty ya know lol, and assured him that until he stopped giving it to me,there was a small chance i would sleep with anyone else. in front of people he doesnt kiss on me much, until he's had a few beers then he doesnt care, some nights he passes out and doesnt even know he fell asleep, some nights he holds me like he loves me, and some we have crazy sex.

others no sex, some days just play around do a little oral or something and just dont continue, that makes me feel less attractive to him, but at the same time it is said that the Virgo nature "virgin" can go without the sex as long as they are emotionally happy, I am like that 100% but I also reallllyyy love my sex.. I think he could either be leading me on, or could be afraid because he has only been out of the baby momma relationship for 8 months, I just found that out a few days ago I assumed it had been much longer. I am patient, I just don't want to keep developing such strong feelings for him and him turn around and wrip my heart out, and it be just that much harder because we have started this relationship on building to be friends before anything else. But on the other hand i WANT it to stay moving slow because I dont want to be the rebound he thought was perfect, I want him to really admire and appreciate me if we did date, actually care for me, not just think he does. And if we dont jump into a relationship and we turn out to be just friends, I know I will respect the decision of not taking a chance a ruining our friendship.I think about him so much...

I cant wait everyday for that text message asking if "I want him to come over" ... there's his text now, always 30 minutes before I get off work... feedback anyone?
 
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lol. I read some of your blogs. you may think you're being clever being an ass to me, but either way, I just wanted to say besides your manners I admire your intellect and topics, but again, you have been no help :p
.
 
DreamsnMidnightBlu said:
l you may think you're being clever being an ass to me, but either way,
Click to expand...

I don't think I'm being clever, I know I'm being clever.

So, here is my take. (keeping in my mind that regardless of my qualifications in other disciplines, I am woefully unequipped when it comes interpersonal relations) The gentlemen is either a) smitten with you and is (not unlike myself in these situations) not prepared to outwardly say that for a variety of arbitrary and irrational reasons. or b) genuinely likes sexing you up, and genuinely likes you as a friend, and is therefore content with the current state of the system. Further, based on my own exp, in either event, it will continue to evolve increasing towards being a "relationship" (whatever that term means) as a function of time.
 
You can edit the post so that it is more readable. There is an "edit" button at the bottom of your post. If you break your post into paragraphs, more people may respond.
 
Ya you know how sometimes people talk really fast and are all over the map? How it kind of gives you a headache? Just kidding...but yeah that was hard to read. However, it seems like the guy genuinely likes you.
 
In a situation like this, I'd remember the famous quote "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" Your situation sounds great, so why try to change it?
 
I can't say with any certainty how this is going to work, but he does have a point about you putting yourself down. Don't do that and have some confidence. You havn't been seeing each other too long. What's the rush?
 
I will try and fix this lol sorry guys and thanks for all the input... I just get insecure, I don't like my emotions toyed with..
 
T. Calderone said:
I can't say with any certainty how this is going to work, but he does have a point about you putting yourself down. Don't do that and have some confidence. You havn't been seeing each other too long. What's the rush?
Click to expand...

Thank you, you are right, he does get very bothered by my insecurity, I try to keep it locked up but I
always had a problem with this
 
Tude said:
In a situation like this, I'd remember the famous quote "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" Your situation sounds great, so why try to change it?
Click to expand...

Thanks :) I'm just afraid to be hurt. Its taken me nearly three years to quit the self destruction after
the ten year relationship ended, I am terrified of rejection as well. This is the second person I've let my gaurd down to, and I don't want this to turn out the way I did last time, what a terrible feeling.. brings up old ones.
 
Man that was a lot but what caught me was the kids thing. I'm kinda new to that too. I don't have kids either and he does. Unless he's a total douche he would not bring his kids with him to hang out. That would be all kinds of wrong when he's only been separated for a short time from their mother.
 
sounds like he is behaving like its a relationship while labeling it as friends.

either he's not serious or he is

its up to you if you want to tolerate this for a long period of time. at some point you will get fed up

also you dont bring your kids to a hook up/fwb. unless your gonna go further and have a relationship

i think he's full of shit- if i was going round someone's house every day for sex and fun thats a relationship even if you want to call it a treehouse or a aeroplane.

actions speak louder than words
 
Lysis said:
Man that was a lot but what caught me was the kids thing. I'm kinda new to that too. I don't have kids either and he does. Unless he's a total douche he would not bring his kids with him to hang out. That would be all kinds of wrong when he's only been separated for a short time from their mother.
Click to expand...
At this point only going out for a couple months you said? I might find that offputting. I mean, can't he wait until they go back with mom to spend the night with you? I'm assuming it's a joint custody thing but sorry if I'm wrong.
 
sounds like he is behaving like its a relationship while labeling it as friends.
Click to expand...

Maybe it's a psychological thing. I would imagine if he loved her and it isn't him calling it off, maybe he still loves her and is having a hard time letting go.

I dated someone who told me his baby momma was evil. It was really odd but at that moment I realized he was still in love with her.
 
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