H! I'm new-ish on the forums here and to get straight to the point, my cat has a question about a group of mates who she met while she was on drugs. she would like to know if she should cut them loose. if she does this, she would also like to know what she should expect?
The thing is my cat used to party every weekend but for over a decade, she has been a very careful & casual taker of substances, indulging in a limited and premeditated way about 5-6 times a year. Binging is not her style, even when she does indulge. but over the past few months, it has become glaringly clear to her that she only ever sees these friends when THEY are on an endless binge. She is starting to feel she will never catch up to them without drugs, which is not the way she wants to be.
Lately she has also noticed that they aren't there to help her out with a show of meaningful support. They show little interest in her extra-party activities (arts, exercise, and studying) which are valuable to her and take up a lot of her time (e.g. she feels they are a big part of her feline charm). She can't therefore say that she feels her attachment goes both ways.
These friends are her only contacts in the local techno scene who are of the same background (age, taste, culture) so this is why she likes to see them in those rare partying times. Also, if she breaks with them in a bad way, going to parties could be awkward in the future. She wants to avoid a messy situation.
While my cats philosophy tends toward balance, so far she has only ever seen these mates when they were on drugs (& many times when she was on drugs, too... *their* drugs, which she would not have otherwise sought out). when these friends meet her, they usually ask if she wants a line straight off the bat. when she says no, they will proceed to run down a grocery list of other mind altering substances she may choose from, always free of charge. very generous yes, but also tempting as hell and inconsiderate of her lifestyle.
Lately shes also noticed that her arrival and departure (as well as that of other acquaintances) goes virtually unnoticed in the group's mayhem. The intimacy is lacking and she has confronted a couple of members in an "I want to help but this isn't healthy for either of us" way. said members grudgingly agreed...then went right back to acting like the chat never even happened. (The talks were about behaviors rather than drugs). She feels the status quo may be against her; the entire group sees each others addiction as all right because its all they know.
She has already limited her visits to once a month or so but even then, it usually ends with her coughing up a fur ball in an alley next day. The friend who she is closest to in the group also calls a lot and claims to "miss" her, so she feels pressure to stay connected to them.
The bender behaviour has been there since the beginning but lately, my cat gets the impression that her friends are getting worse. (Maybe her animal instinct is speaking to her?) Recent breakups and other personal dramas in the group seem to have exacerbated their descent, yet my cat feels bad about ditching mates of any quality in a crisis. she feels duty bound even though her inner cat is screeching, "cut & run!" As if everything is about to get far messier than she can handle.
She really doesn't want a resentful breakup but everytime that she sees these friends, my cat ends up getting dragged into dramas and benders. I'm sure some of you are familiar with this situation...! If so, do you have advice and/or experience that may help my cat decide what tack to take? Also, "for" and "against" or "pros vs cons" comments are most welcome. My cat generally has trouble seeing emotionally-charged decisions clearly, and can use some sober second sight.
Cheers
The thing is my cat used to party every weekend but for over a decade, she has been a very careful & casual taker of substances, indulging in a limited and premeditated way about 5-6 times a year. Binging is not her style, even when she does indulge. but over the past few months, it has become glaringly clear to her that she only ever sees these friends when THEY are on an endless binge. She is starting to feel she will never catch up to them without drugs, which is not the way she wants to be.
Lately she has also noticed that they aren't there to help her out with a show of meaningful support. They show little interest in her extra-party activities (arts, exercise, and studying) which are valuable to her and take up a lot of her time (e.g. she feels they are a big part of her feline charm). She can't therefore say that she feels her attachment goes both ways.
These friends are her only contacts in the local techno scene who are of the same background (age, taste, culture) so this is why she likes to see them in those rare partying times. Also, if she breaks with them in a bad way, going to parties could be awkward in the future. She wants to avoid a messy situation.
While my cats philosophy tends toward balance, so far she has only ever seen these mates when they were on drugs (& many times when she was on drugs, too... *their* drugs, which she would not have otherwise sought out). when these friends meet her, they usually ask if she wants a line straight off the bat. when she says no, they will proceed to run down a grocery list of other mind altering substances she may choose from, always free of charge. very generous yes, but also tempting as hell and inconsiderate of her lifestyle.
Lately shes also noticed that her arrival and departure (as well as that of other acquaintances) goes virtually unnoticed in the group's mayhem. The intimacy is lacking and she has confronted a couple of members in an "I want to help but this isn't healthy for either of us" way. said members grudgingly agreed...then went right back to acting like the chat never even happened. (The talks were about behaviors rather than drugs). She feels the status quo may be against her; the entire group sees each others addiction as all right because its all they know.
She has already limited her visits to once a month or so but even then, it usually ends with her coughing up a fur ball in an alley next day. The friend who she is closest to in the group also calls a lot and claims to "miss" her, so she feels pressure to stay connected to them.
The bender behaviour has been there since the beginning but lately, my cat gets the impression that her friends are getting worse. (Maybe her animal instinct is speaking to her?) Recent breakups and other personal dramas in the group seem to have exacerbated their descent, yet my cat feels bad about ditching mates of any quality in a crisis. she feels duty bound even though her inner cat is screeching, "cut & run!" As if everything is about to get far messier than she can handle.
She really doesn't want a resentful breakup but everytime that she sees these friends, my cat ends up getting dragged into dramas and benders. I'm sure some of you are familiar with this situation...! If so, do you have advice and/or experience that may help my cat decide what tack to take? Also, "for" and "against" or "pros vs cons" comments are most welcome. My cat generally has trouble seeing emotionally-charged decisions clearly, and can use some sober second sight.
Cheers
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