friends anyone? (may be triggering)

[Corin_is_great]

so i got addicted to painkillers about 2 years ago, did the standard thing by taking codeine, then dihydrocodine , tramadol and lastly morphine,
never really had an issue with the morphine, luckily it just wasnt for me, oddly enough the codeine and tramadol are what got me, im a pretty miserable person and get depressed often, so i started taking codeine because i figured that taking antidepressants was the same thing, with either one i end up feeling happier and get dependant on them the difference being with codeine i dont have to see a doctor or counsellor and im the one in control (well, that was the idea) and the tramadol does such a great job of showing me the grass can be greener that i dont think ill ever lose the mental imprint it left, now that i have sort of quit (i take codeine every 2 - 3 weeks or so, not out of choice, its just usually about as long as i can go without breaking and i have been doing this for about 4 months with only a decrease in consumption, although my goal is to get entirley clean and not use any drugs at all) ive realised i have no social life, no friends, shitty health and feel like the only reason i am still recognizable as me is superficial, i feel like i am just fraction of the good things ive been and am horrendously miserable, what the fuck do i do?

i don't mean to sound like some melodramatic 18 year old, but i have even less than i thought i did and that realisation has just submerged me in emptyness.

how did you get your life back on track, and as retarded as this is, how the hell do i make some friends on this site.

 

[Fyasko.]

if you've gone from being addicted (im not sure how much you used to take?) to only taking codeine ever 2-3 weeks i think thats already a great improvement. and it shows that you've got the potential to beat this. just stay on this track. maybe see if you can go 4 weeks without it, if not then thats fine, but every day you can go without it is an improvement

you say you're a pretty miserable person and get depressed often, is there something causing this? Most people hate the idea of it but seeing a psychologist/therapist can do wonders for those kinda feelings. everyone needs to vent, if you find the right therapist it'll help sooo much.

how did you get your life back on track, and as retarded as this is, how the hell do i make some friends on this site.

thats not retarted at all! the people on BlueLight (especially the TDS users) are extremely friendly, BL is a fucking family haha :D and about the 'getting your life on track' thing- just know its not gonna happen overnight, like i said, every day you can go without the Codeine is an improvement and a step forward

GreenLighters cant send PersonalMessages but once you become a BlueLighter (when you get 50+ posts) feel free to send me a PM whenever you need to vent/talk/anything alright?

 

[Corin_is_great]

GreenLighters cant send PersonalMessages but once you become a BlueLighter (when you get 50+ posts) feel free to send me a PM whenever you need to vent/talk/anything alright?

wow, thank you, just hearing that is reassuring, i have no one to talk to, other than you guys and girls on bluelight and this is the first time i have talked to anyone properly, i was just really worried that i would look like a shining dick feeling sorry for myself with tramadol and codeine, when some people on here have died from heroin etc. this is hands down the best place for perspective, its just a nightmare using drugs for depression, especially drugs that will cause depression when withdrawn, i convince myself that one day i will have forgotten about this whole thing, but i really just feel that i won't, whatever i do i have that cloud looming over me telling me how much better it could be, and then theres the boredom, its just shit, sorry to vent and sound like a 13 year old who sniffed a pen and thinks they have a drug problem, i know what im going through is nothing compared to some people, but the real issue lies in the fact that i didnt take them for recreation, i took them to try and feel like i imagine other people do and because it made me ordinary, which is really what i wanted, and its my dads prescriptions i have been using so its not like i can distance myself from the drugs, i have to live with them, knowing full well were they are and that i can get them whenever i want for free and then having to choose not to.

 

[Legerity]

Nah man pain is pain it doesn't matter if it's drug that is feared by others or seen as mild. Cutting down to every few weeks is a huge difference as mentioned above.

If you're able to deal with it while having access then that's really an optimal thing to achieve. If somebody's use is dependent on convenient access then it is their circumstances rather than themselves that are determining their behavior. Not necessarily easy although it's certainly doable. Some treatment programs will intentionally put the person in "risky" situations in order to learn how to face cravings. But this is usually done later on in treatment and controlled.

 

[Fyasko.]

wow, thank you, just hearing that is reassuring, i have no one to talk to, other than you guys and girls on bluelight and this is the first time i have talked to anyone properly, i was just really worried that i would look like a shining dick feeling sorry for myself with tramadol and codeine, when some people on here have died from heroin etc. this is hands down the best place for perspective, its just a nightmare using drugs for depression, especially drugs that will cause depression when withdrawn, i convince myself that one day i will have forgotten about this whole thing, but i really just feel that i won't, whatever i do i have that cloud looming over me telling me how much better it could be, and then theres the boredom, its just shit, sorry to vent and sound like a 13 year old who sniffed a pen and thinks they have a drug problem, i know what im going through is nothing compared to some people, but the real issue lies in the fact that i didnt take them for recreation, i took them to try and feel like i imagine other people do and because it made me ordinary, which is really what i wanted, and its my dads prescriptions i have been using so its not like i can distance myself from the drugs, i have to live with them, knowing full well were they are and that i can get them whenever i want for free and then having to choose not to.

everyone has a different story, i would'nt trip about it
you just need to tell yourself that you are stronger than this, i know its gonna be tough not to use your dads' meds but just think of how accomplished you'll feel once you break the habit.
sounds like you need a hobby to be honest, why not try working out?
exercise promotes the release of endorphins (your body's natural painkiller, aka 'runners high'). so maybe give that a try?