Don Quixote
Bluelighter
Good evening all, it's been a while since I was last on.
I have a question I'd like to propose, where I'm going to value a male opinion far more than female, but don't let that discourage you
Basically I'd like you to read my scenario, give your opinion on how it was handled, answer the question and maybe provide an alternative solution as to what you would do yourself.
Last night, I was out at the pub with a few friends (A);(B);(C), who I've known well for a long time. That night we'd been doing the bar-crawl thing. Everything was pretty good until the end of the night - ie: no animosity on my behalf. At the very end of the night, we were trying to catch a cab back home, and everyone was pretty tired but in good spirits. After checking several cabs, who wouldn't even let us in without receiving a 150% deposit on the expected fare - something they're not supposed to do, and something I find offensive personally - we came to the last cab. This cab asked the same of us, a $50 deposit on a $30 or so fare. I told him that we weren't paying him more than the meter, and walked away until he beckoned us back. Quickly explaining the situation to my friends, I approached the driver and he basically restated his original offer in a different way, but with the same terms.
My friend (A) intervened before I could tell him no again, and basically started to abuse the guy in an impression of his accent (some kind of Middle-Eastern / Indian). Another friend (B), also quite drunk, decided to walk up to the window as well, but really only had his head in there, and non-abusively added further confusion to the situation, by talking over (A)'s abuse, asking questions as to why he wouldn't take us. After giving (A) his fare share of time, I decided that having him at the rank/cab line abusing a driver was not a good way to get in that cab, let alone any at the rank. I walked up on the side of (B) and rather gently pulled them both back up off the street away from the window. (A) however did not have enough, and decided to turn around and continue to verbal the driver, pushing back against me (not with any real force). It was then that I slapped him, to my standards, rather gently once across his face with an open hand.
Standing shocked, his eyes went quite wild and he took that step towards me that said 'get in close and quick' so i took his wrists in my hands, and gave them a firm squeeze which again, I feel was not excessive, so as to say "sit down, be quiet and don't try to fight me" and held both his wrists above his head from in front of him, not turning or twisting them in any kind of disarming or particularly apprehending position, or so as to create undue discomfort. (A) was visibly upset, his eyes glassy from the liquor but with that extra sheen of a wounded pride, or perhaps a growing aggression. He repeated several times "don't you fucking hit me" along with several other veiled threats. I decided to let him go and stood back, and he didn't wait around long before turning and walking off with (B) and (C).
I chased them and asked them if they were getting in the cab or not, to be ignored, so i turned and got straight into another cab with (B), who had followed me. We slowed the cab at our two other friends, now down the street, and asked again if they were getting in and coming back to mine to sleep. Again, ignored we drove home. So I was talking it over with (B) at home for a while, more venting like this than persuading, and he didn't comment too much on the night, when (A) showed up.
I asked (A) if he was feeling better, he sat down, staring right at me with furious drunken eyes. Denying he had ever abused the driver, he said that I shouldn't have hit him to which I replied that I felt it was the best option available to me (aside: (A) is a very proud person, I'd say ignorant in a lot of ways and though he doesn't like to debate or discuss a lot of things, when he does want to he will not give an inch even when sober, let alone drunk). He said that it wasn't, and when I asked him what he thought the better option would have been, he provided only "not to hit me". The exchange continued for a small time onwards, with no swearing or raised voices throughout. I answered or responded to something from him, admittedly with a smirk that he took offense to and he told me to stop smiling when talking to him. I paused, frustrated, and responded that "honestly, I don't really care what I look like to you". He stopped and pursed his lips, got up and took his stuff from inside (as the plan was for all (ABC) to stay over after the crawl). I told him he was in no shape to drive, he responded with "who says that I'm driving" and then got in his car and drove off. I sent him a text saying it was stupid for him to drive off but I hope he got home OK and to text me when he's ready.
I have never dealt with (A) in this way before, or any bar one of my friends. However it should be noted that I did get into a fight, which I accept a good deal of responsibility for, with another friend unrelated to this story about a year back, to which (C) was a witness to, and (A) is aware of. Both know and are friends with this unrelated friend and myself a that other time. That previous issue has however been resolved, and that unrelated friend now my roommate.
So, how did I handle the situation? How would you handle the situation, and is physical confrontation ever a valid non-verbal communication, in your opinion?
(in this case I don't think that 'violence' is appropriate, though I advocate violence in only the most extreme of defensive situations, so I have used physical means/confrontation)
I have a question I'd like to propose, where I'm going to value a male opinion far more than female, but don't let that discourage you
Basically I'd like you to read my scenario, give your opinion on how it was handled, answer the question and maybe provide an alternative solution as to what you would do yourself.
Last night, I was out at the pub with a few friends (A);(B);(C), who I've known well for a long time. That night we'd been doing the bar-crawl thing. Everything was pretty good until the end of the night - ie: no animosity on my behalf. At the very end of the night, we were trying to catch a cab back home, and everyone was pretty tired but in good spirits. After checking several cabs, who wouldn't even let us in without receiving a 150% deposit on the expected fare - something they're not supposed to do, and something I find offensive personally - we came to the last cab. This cab asked the same of us, a $50 deposit on a $30 or so fare. I told him that we weren't paying him more than the meter, and walked away until he beckoned us back. Quickly explaining the situation to my friends, I approached the driver and he basically restated his original offer in a different way, but with the same terms.
My friend (A) intervened before I could tell him no again, and basically started to abuse the guy in an impression of his accent (some kind of Middle-Eastern / Indian). Another friend (B), also quite drunk, decided to walk up to the window as well, but really only had his head in there, and non-abusively added further confusion to the situation, by talking over (A)'s abuse, asking questions as to why he wouldn't take us. After giving (A) his fare share of time, I decided that having him at the rank/cab line abusing a driver was not a good way to get in that cab, let alone any at the rank. I walked up on the side of (B) and rather gently pulled them both back up off the street away from the window. (A) however did not have enough, and decided to turn around and continue to verbal the driver, pushing back against me (not with any real force). It was then that I slapped him, to my standards, rather gently once across his face with an open hand.
Standing shocked, his eyes went quite wild and he took that step towards me that said 'get in close and quick' so i took his wrists in my hands, and gave them a firm squeeze which again, I feel was not excessive, so as to say "sit down, be quiet and don't try to fight me" and held both his wrists above his head from in front of him, not turning or twisting them in any kind of disarming or particularly apprehending position, or so as to create undue discomfort. (A) was visibly upset, his eyes glassy from the liquor but with that extra sheen of a wounded pride, or perhaps a growing aggression. He repeated several times "don't you fucking hit me" along with several other veiled threats. I decided to let him go and stood back, and he didn't wait around long before turning and walking off with (B) and (C).
I chased them and asked them if they were getting in the cab or not, to be ignored, so i turned and got straight into another cab with (B), who had followed me. We slowed the cab at our two other friends, now down the street, and asked again if they were getting in and coming back to mine to sleep. Again, ignored we drove home. So I was talking it over with (B) at home for a while, more venting like this than persuading, and he didn't comment too much on the night, when (A) showed up.
I asked (A) if he was feeling better, he sat down, staring right at me with furious drunken eyes. Denying he had ever abused the driver, he said that I shouldn't have hit him to which I replied that I felt it was the best option available to me (aside: (A) is a very proud person, I'd say ignorant in a lot of ways and though he doesn't like to debate or discuss a lot of things, when he does want to he will not give an inch even when sober, let alone drunk). He said that it wasn't, and when I asked him what he thought the better option would have been, he provided only "not to hit me". The exchange continued for a small time onwards, with no swearing or raised voices throughout. I answered or responded to something from him, admittedly with a smirk that he took offense to and he told me to stop smiling when talking to him. I paused, frustrated, and responded that "honestly, I don't really care what I look like to you". He stopped and pursed his lips, got up and took his stuff from inside (as the plan was for all (ABC) to stay over after the crawl). I told him he was in no shape to drive, he responded with "who says that I'm driving" and then got in his car and drove off. I sent him a text saying it was stupid for him to drive off but I hope he got home OK and to text me when he's ready.
I have never dealt with (A) in this way before, or any bar one of my friends. However it should be noted that I did get into a fight, which I accept a good deal of responsibility for, with another friend unrelated to this story about a year back, to which (C) was a witness to, and (A) is aware of. Both know and are friends with this unrelated friend and myself a that other time. That previous issue has however been resolved, and that unrelated friend now my roommate.
So, how did I handle the situation? How would you handle the situation, and is physical confrontation ever a valid non-verbal communication, in your opinion?
(in this case I don't think that 'violence' is appropriate, though I advocate violence in only the most extreme of defensive situations, so I have used physical means/confrontation)
