Friend is a 4 letter word and end is the only part i heard

cj

cj

Bluelight Crew
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Nov 18, 2008
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Twin cities made of ashes
End. A short simple word that has the power to crush me like nothing else imaginable. Its obvious this relationship has been slowly unraveling for awhile. Just like my guts when she tells me she hates me. The sinking feeling in my stomach makes me want to scream for help. I beg forgiveness but its played out. I chase her down the elevator. Block the door. Anything to stop the inevitable. But I feel less every single time. The warmth of our love replaced by this cold feeling I cant quite describe. It's sad. I'm sad.

The spot I proposed looks so very different then it did 4 months ago. I look different. My arms are beat up from heroin and meth. My gaze only on the next drug I'll get. The next bender. Waiting on this check. That scam. That this who what when where. All the dopamine you can bang.i guess love just doesnt have a strong enough binding affinity

But fuck I love her. I know I'm going to miss her if she leaves.I know I've made the biggest mistake of my life. Every bone in my body tells me I irreparably fucked this up. God I need to fix it. God I have to fix it. How do I fix us?

I'm letting the love of my life slip through my fingers. Why? For what? Another shot? A wash? 20 of go fast? My own self absorbed narcissism? None of that is worth it.

I want some to just run. Leave all this behind. Just me and Ali. Back to basics. Back to us. A family. But nah tommorow we do it again. Scam scam scam. Smile while I kill. That's life.
 
Some people are disturbed just because you know their psychology, how they react to certain things, certain ''frequencies''/certain slangs. What happens it's that they bite back and they wanna get out of that loop, those mirror games and from there it starts a whole root of useless toxicity that leads to ''END''. People are strange, you need to meet people who behave and think naturally. You don't need all these forced behaviours. What also kills a lot of relationship and if not we as a whole, it's that we vent issues under jokes, we vent issues under certain fights, hiddin beneath the vista.
 
cj said:
End. A short simple word that has the power to crush me like nothing else imaginable. Its obvious this relationship has been slowly unraveling for awhile. Just like my guts when she tells me she hates me. The sinking feeling in my stomach makes me want to scream for help. I beg forgiveness but its played out. I chase her down the elevator. Block the door. Anything to stop the inevitable. But I feel less every single time. The warmth of our love replaced by this cold feeling I cant quite describe. It's sad. I'm sad.

The spot I proposed looks so very different then it did 4 months ago. I look different. My arms are beat up from heroin and meth. My gaze only on the next drug I'll get. The next bender. Waiting on this check. That scam. That this who what when where. All the dopamine you can bang.i guess love just doesnt have a strong enough binding affinity

But fuck I love her. I know I'm going to miss her if she leaves.I know I've made the biggest mistake of my life. Every bone in my body tells me I irreparably fucked this up. God I need to fix it. God I have to fix it. How do I fix us?

I'm letting the love of my life slip through my fingers. Why? For what? Another shot? A wash? 20 of go fast? My own self absorbed narcissism? None of that is worth it.

I want some to just run. Leave all this behind. Just me and Ali. Back to basics. Back to us. A family. But nah tommorow we do it again. Scam scam scam. Smile while I kill. That's life.
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Lost mine too bru, chemical narcissism. Turn her loose if ya love her. Can't undo rearview, I've tried. Can't un say or un do the damage. Fix you, with no expectations. If she finds happy, then be happy for her.
Still wrestle with it myself.
 
We are actually doing much better in our relationship. Both got on methodone. Not fighting near as much. I think we are going to make it
 
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