Well where to begin.
Where does it begin where does it end, whose your real friend, at the same place again. I remember it came to me one time at the young age of 14 just beginning to realize the path that i was already set on althought i was only beginning to see it. it came in a dream and said "No End--No Beginning" and i wrote it down in a dream state aka-some kind of drug haze that i dont remember wat it was.
Sometimes I feel so tired of this circle , like i been here 1000 years doomed to repeat over and over one day after the next, same game different name. I can remember to the first time i was introducted to my one tru love, fast forward rewind like it was yesterday, the feeling of anticipation in the air as i cruised thru unfamiliar territory while the sun light began to heat up that hot summer day, zig zag waves of distorted air rippling up over the sidewalk like it was cookin somethin, scene hazy and shimmering like the middle of the hood was the promised land.
Or fast forward to 19. Clean, happy, drinkin hennesey and tanqueray and puffin L's barely a thought of those little folded papers in my mind after I said i let it go. I was 19, and all of a sudden....wat happened? Here I am about to turn 22, cold n old n blue, wat to do?
I been in the places that feels like i have crawled to the bottom of the under belly of my soul. places no person should ever have to go. places that the numbness kept me from processin in my mind, broken stoned n out of time....scrapin the bottom and wantin nothin but to fall further still. I am young but i feel like i been since the beginning of time. when some galaxy far away exploded and a little piece of me shot thru space somehow landing on a green and blue mass called earth like the dinosaurs are in my bones and my mind knows more than i think i know.
I travel thru my mind all the time plottin thinkin, nickels n dimes, fearin the darkness of wat i might find, knowin my fate was sealed as soon as i took that turn, smoked the first crack hit got my first mouth burn. time stands still when i pass that folded bill, the ticket to salvation internal medication. A silent red rose blooms in a golden sky. whose worried now? Na not I. I hold it steady....Am I ready? Of course, i think, as I hit a home run...far past the crowds....far past the sun, im heaven and hell all rolled into one, dont know if its ended or just begun. I can fall n fall and still it aint enough, retreatin deeper lower slower , put to sleep by a ghetto lullaby thinkin how far did i come. i just want to rest my bones a minute. too bad i didnt think of that before i did it, before i hit it, couldnt quit it.....
I feel like im the moment , or like i am eternal, cant pick which and I aint sure when i make that switch. im the steam of your breath while you take that long walk to cop, block by block, in the cold with the knowledge of wat waits for you burnin in your soul. and i am the street you walk, walked by a thousand before you and a thousand more once you are gone i live on.
But wait I had somethin else to say. and it died in my throat as i faded away.
I dont always live in the imaginary. I see the cold world just like any. I see the clock just like you, another hour, the wait is thru, i pray for the strenth to pass another day, as I plan just one more time how Ima shoot my life away.
you speak n i dont hear you I am too far gone, where the darkness is velvet and the silence is warm, i live for that moment i feel my heart drop, my eyelids fall shut and everything stops. I know its all lies but proudley I stand. I know they cant catch me nobody can. I play the game just as good as the next did as I skip thru the garbage and sadness and wreckage. This is my life I think. thats it this is me. and the warm rush of emptiness is all that I see.
I imagine it all while i go thru the motions. preparin my potion, my ointment, soul lotion. A single tear droppin like rain down my window pane, into the cooker and into my vein.
Of all the thousand ways to tease and please....why is it that Im always dreamin dreams of disease.
Where does it begin where does it end, whose your real friend, at the same place again. I remember it came to me one time at the young age of 14 just beginning to realize the path that i was already set on althought i was only beginning to see it. it came in a dream and said "No End--No Beginning" and i wrote it down in a dream state aka-some kind of drug haze that i dont remember wat it was.
Sometimes I feel so tired of this circle , like i been here 1000 years doomed to repeat over and over one day after the next, same game different name. I can remember to the first time i was introducted to my one tru love, fast forward rewind like it was yesterday, the feeling of anticipation in the air as i cruised thru unfamiliar territory while the sun light began to heat up that hot summer day, zig zag waves of distorted air rippling up over the sidewalk like it was cookin somethin, scene hazy and shimmering like the middle of the hood was the promised land.
Or fast forward to 19. Clean, happy, drinkin hennesey and tanqueray and puffin L's barely a thought of those little folded papers in my mind after I said i let it go. I was 19, and all of a sudden....wat happened? Here I am about to turn 22, cold n old n blue, wat to do?
I been in the places that feels like i have crawled to the bottom of the under belly of my soul. places no person should ever have to go. places that the numbness kept me from processin in my mind, broken stoned n out of time....scrapin the bottom and wantin nothin but to fall further still. I am young but i feel like i been since the beginning of time. when some galaxy far away exploded and a little piece of me shot thru space somehow landing on a green and blue mass called earth like the dinosaurs are in my bones and my mind knows more than i think i know.
I travel thru my mind all the time plottin thinkin, nickels n dimes, fearin the darkness of wat i might find, knowin my fate was sealed as soon as i took that turn, smoked the first crack hit got my first mouth burn. time stands still when i pass that folded bill, the ticket to salvation internal medication. A silent red rose blooms in a golden sky. whose worried now? Na not I. I hold it steady....Am I ready? Of course, i think, as I hit a home run...far past the crowds....far past the sun, im heaven and hell all rolled into one, dont know if its ended or just begun. I can fall n fall and still it aint enough, retreatin deeper lower slower , put to sleep by a ghetto lullaby thinkin how far did i come. i just want to rest my bones a minute. too bad i didnt think of that before i did it, before i hit it, couldnt quit it.....
I feel like im the moment , or like i am eternal, cant pick which and I aint sure when i make that switch. im the steam of your breath while you take that long walk to cop, block by block, in the cold with the knowledge of wat waits for you burnin in your soul. and i am the street you walk, walked by a thousand before you and a thousand more once you are gone i live on.
But wait I had somethin else to say. and it died in my throat as i faded away.
I dont always live in the imaginary. I see the cold world just like any. I see the clock just like you, another hour, the wait is thru, i pray for the strenth to pass another day, as I plan just one more time how Ima shoot my life away.
you speak n i dont hear you I am too far gone, where the darkness is velvet and the silence is warm, i live for that moment i feel my heart drop, my eyelids fall shut and everything stops. I know its all lies but proudley I stand. I know they cant catch me nobody can. I play the game just as good as the next did as I skip thru the garbage and sadness and wreckage. This is my life I think. thats it this is me. and the warm rush of emptiness is all that I see.
I imagine it all while i go thru the motions. preparin my potion, my ointment, soul lotion. A single tear droppin like rain down my window pane, into the cooker and into my vein.
Of all the thousand ways to tease and please....why is it that Im always dreamin dreams of disease.
