Found this forum researching depression solutions after death of my son

[whatsreal]

tw; suicide

Hello and thank you for being here.
I am a mom of a young adult and a teenager. I found this forum while researching depression, suicidal ideation and transcendental experiences. I have learned a lot just by reading.
I have 2 goals in being here.
First, I want to learn more about ketamine and depression (and kratom? etc) because I lost my beautiful, successful, wonderful 19 year old to suicide 2 days before his 20th birthday, 7 weeks ago. He hid everything and I believe if the whole culture knew about the possibilities of ketamine that could have saved his life. and our family. I have other beloved family members who struggle with significant anxiety and we are all in the throes of situational depression right now. So, that's goal one. learn and disseminate that information.
Second, I have heard of transcendental experiences with ayahuasca and a few others. I don't even know what I believe, but I know believing in an afterlife could help me find joy in this life again.
Thank you for reading and if there is a good space you'd recommend for either of my goals I'd be very grateful.
With Love,
whatsreal

 

[Badgerman]

I'm a veteran who has Breen struggling with addiction for 11 years. I got everything else beat except opiates. I'm going in to start suboxone. Does anyone know if I have to be clean to start the suboxone at the VA? Is anyone else in the suboxone program in Murfreesboro tn?

 

[whatsreal]

Your post got subbed under my intro post, so I'm worried people won't see it to answer your question. Might want to move or repost. Wishing you easy journey with your effort to get what you need.

 

[Smoky]

Hello whatsreal,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I have lost friends to suicide but never a son or daughter. I honestly don't know how I would survive. You seem to have a lot of courage. I am glad you decided to join Bluelight. Please let me know if I may move your post.

I would recommend the Dark Side; although I could move it to a Drug Discussion forum. We do have a suicide thread and some info on Ketamine if you use the search engine.

Great to have you aboard ! !

LoVe,

Smoky

 

[spacejunk]

Welcome to bluelight.

Your story - and what lead you here - is heartbreaking to read.
My sincere condolences.

the subforums Smoky has recommended would be a good place to start - there is a wealth of information and many warrm, caring people on the site, who i hope can help you find the sort of information you are seeking, as well as support and understanding.
There are some amazing individuals from many very diverse backgrounds in this community.

I would also recommend having a look at the MAPS forums section of the site.
In case you are not aware of their work, MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies) are an organisation dedicated to the re-introduction of psychedelic and other drug therapies for a range of psychological treatments. They have conducted studies with drugs like ketamine as well as more 'conventional' psychedelics - and also function as an advocacy group in an effort to have these treatments accepted and used more widely than in the small experimental studies that they are currently engaging in.

Well worth reading up on, i believe.

Wishing you all the best and hoping you are able to find the kind of information you are looking for on bluelight.

Please feel free to drop me a private message if you need any help, support or just to talk.

 

[whatsreal]

Thank you so much for the kind words and welcome, Smoky. I will check those out asap. Please feel free move my post. Ty.
I'm sorry you've lost friends. I hate the beast depression. Until I was put in this situation I said the same thing you thought. Not to be a downer, but I am not alive. I am a ghost of myself. And I am worried about my daughter (15) so I have to find a way back to life. I reject any life without my son, so I have to find another way. I hope to share widely about ketamine and psylocibin therapies and I also hold out hope that I will find a firm belief in the afterlife. Right now I have a baby belief I don't care if its not real. I just have to believe it thoroughly. Thank you again for your welcome and here's to the health of all our vulnerable.

 

[whatsreal]

Thank you spacejunk. Your kind words and warm welcome move me.
I was not aware of MAPS and that sounds like just what I am looking for. It hurts so much to know that they have known about ketamine's positive effects on suicidal thoughts since 2000. I really appreciate the offer to chat.
Stranger hugs

 

[spacejunk]

Stranger hugs

We're all friends here

 

[Smoky]

Indeed. Thank you both - yes, we are all friends here, and do relate in one way or another in my experience.

I'll move for starters to The Dark Side. Please let me know if you prefer a Drug Discussion Forum.

spacejunk has some recommendations I would find beneficial indeed.

 

[sliceofcake]

Whatsreal, thank you for sharing how you are feeling and what you are looking for. I am so sorry for the loss of your beautiful boy. It's been two years since my daughter's serious attempt and I'm still feeling the effects. I can imagine what it feels like to live as as ghost as you say. The attempt alone crushed my being and I currently live in daily fear that I will find her gone. The experience left me in anxiety and depression that had me considering how I could go on if she tried again successfully and looking for relief in alcohol. I relive the event every single day as I'm sure you do too.

It's so good that you are looking for recovery and help. You already know in your mind how much you are loved and needed on this earth. It's our spirits that need healing to believe it. Please keep us updated on your search, your progress, your journey. I know how broken your heart is.