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Forwards or backwards?

P

ProfessorBananas

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 15, 2012
Messages
70
I'm getting so tired of feeling like I'm actually doing okay and moving on to bigger and better things in my life one day only to wake up the next feeling like my situation is terrible and I'm facing some kind of impending doom. It's hard to have a firm grasp on my life when my view of the world shifts from positive to negative on any given day. Certainly these normal feelings. At least to some degree. Does anyone else go through this? If so, how do you cope with it?
 
I often go through this... although I consider myself fairly successful, I often get into a mood where I think everything is pointless and just want to lie in my bed and do nothing because I'm not capable of doing anything. That's also when I start to crave drugs of any kind. I think this is normal to a certain degree but it can be sort of depression-like, too.

What helps me most are the following things:

1. Not freak out. It's not the end of the world although I feel like it is. This will pass, I experienced that hundreds of times and it got better after a while every time

2. Self-obeservation: I try to do a step back and look at the situation from a different angle: Are there reasons or triggers that make me feel like this right now? Is this feeling rational or just a craze? This also helps to take the pressure of the situation from me.

3. An easy-to-follow routine that will make me feel better. For me it's to go for a run, do some things I put off for a while, cook a nice meal (unbelievable but cooking improves my mood so much and gives me the feeling that I'm taking care of myself properly) and listen to some happy music. Sounds unspectacular, but it does the trick for me.
 
Honestly, the only stupid thing that helps me is routine & planning. When life is easier to expect, it's less overwhelming. And saving any drug/alcohol use til the evening (or any other fun hobby of course) helps you get through the day, knowing what you have waiting for you.
 
Thank you for the advice everyone. I think trying to stay productive and accomplish things that I can take a little bit of pride in throughout the day is proving to be pretty helpful for me at this time. As Missykins said I do have a definite problem with depression. As far as the whole bpd thing goes, I'm yet to convince myself of that. I might enough criteria for a diagnosis of type II or NOS(and may even be diagnosed for that matter). I yet to be convinced that's the case though. Either way, thank you all so much for your replies!
 
Sounds like me too though I listen to what many other would consider very depressing music (like AiC, "Hurt" by NiN, etc). If I can hear someone has it worse than me, it puts me in a better place, not because I enjoy their sorrow, but that ppl survive worse shit than I do. That's what gets me through the worst of it. Singing. Hot showers. Posting on the net. All help. and Motrin, a shitload of it by today's standards, but it gets me thru the pain better than a lot of opiates do. I know the feeling tho. I almost dont want anything good in my life because everything good goes away.

Ive been on an array of antidepressants/antipsychotics, and all were either a) ineffective or b) had side effects worse than depression (diabetes, weight gain, sexual dysfunction). I think I have the one thing I havent been diagnosed with: PTSD. Im sick of seeing docs that think they have me pegged after 15-60 minutes discussion. Im sorry, but Im not that easy, and you're not that good.
 
I just pretty much dissociate from the reality of my life, and the good amount of damage I've done to it, and time I've wasted. Like I ignore, pretend what's really there; isn't.

I suppose one day I'll awaken to some crippling reality. Such is life I guess.
 
mareseatoats said:
I just pretty much dissociate from the reality of my life, and the good amount of damage I've done to it, and time I've wasted. Like I ignore, pretend what's really there; isn't.

I suppose one day I'll awaken to some crippling reality. Such is life I guess.
Click to expand...

I think that I'm currently awakening to that reality.
 
mareseatoats said:
I just pretty much dissociate from the reality of my life, and the good amount of damage I've done to it, and time I've wasted. Like I ignore, pretend what's really there; isn't.

I suppose one day I'll awaken to some crippling reality. Such is life I guess.
Click to expand...

yes. me too...Or, I'll feel happy for a few, and then all of the sudden I'll remember a million things that are wrong and its almost as if I feel guilty for having any joy.
 
tOOts16 said:
yes. me too...Or, I'll feel happy for a few, and then all of the sudden I'll remember a million things that are wrong and its almost as if I feel guilty for having any joy.
Click to expand...
toots-what you said here, is an exact third paragraph I could have added into my last comment. Yes-I will do my best to be positive and think good thoughts of how far I've crawled out of the hole I used to be in, but then the haze of reality just never feels like it's ever gone. That haze will always be there; some days hanging closer over my head than others...
And P.S. To you-best wishes in dealing with your future-they say God doesn't throw us anything that we can't in some way handle; even if it is tough. So I just try to remember that when times get tough(though I still don't always completely understand it).
 
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