candycandy
Bluelighter
Hi, long-time lurker, finally registered. I hope I'm posting at a right section. I did a search for "heroin" and "depression" and this is where I found most of the threads, so... here we go. Feel free to move it to an appropriate place if needed!
(Warning - rambling ahead)
Background:
I've been a heroin/fentanyl user (mostly H) for about 3 years now, 2 years chipping and 1 year completely addicted once I started shooting up. Shooting up H, then fentanyl pops, and when that supply ran out, back to H. A couple things happened in past few months that I'm finally at a place where I don't want to live this life anymore. One, I overdosed twice this year (thank God for a friend with Narcan, both times, but I know I won't be that lucky every time.) Two, I was *this* close to getting busted BIG TIME & like a lot of you, I live a respectable "double" life where most people in my life could NOT imagine me as a regular drug user, let alone a heroin addict.
So I made a decision to quit. But the last couple of times I tried to quit, I fell into deep depression, the kind of level that I was barely functioning (not getting out of bed for the entire day, etc.) and that's precisely why I relapsed. Neither relapses lasted long time, a few days at max, but it did put me back exactly where I started. So last Saturday (a week ago, tail-end of my last relapse) I used H for "the last time" yet again. I've almost always been able to secure some Subs (from a friend, not Rx) so getting over physical withdrawal symptoms haven't been a problem. But the depression is a bitch. I've been feeling so depressed in past couple of days, and I'm trying really hard to fight the temptation of relapse (which isn't as hard as it used to be, as my main connect is getting locked up any day... but we all know we can find something somewhere if there's a will.)
Almost getting to the point:
I have been going to a therapist & she's recommended that I go on some kind of anti-depressant to combat that feeling. Now I was skeptical in the beginning, as I had gone through a similar episode of depression (not drug-related at all, I had never done opiates at that point) in my late teens. My psychiatrist at that time put me on Prozac & it didn't really work for me. I pulled myself out of it eventually, though it took a long time. But then my best drug buddy (the one who saved my life twice, he's been clean) told me he's been on Wellbutrin & it's worked very well for him. He's in a medical profession with lots of knowledge on psychology, and he's always said we have a similar brain chemistry. I also read about some people here using anti-depressants as well. So I'm willing to try Wellbutrin or other anti-depressants (preferably not SSRIs, though if they worked for you, I would like to hear about it) and I would really love to hear any comments or experiences from other former (or even on-and-off) heroin addicts who are taking or have taken anti-depressants to combat PAWS, especially depression.
So... summing of MY QUESTION:
Have any former (or on-and-off) heroin addicts* used anti-depressants to combat PAWS, especially depression? Which anti-depressants? How did it work for you? How long have you/were you on it? (I have a fear of not being able to get off them, I would rather not be dependent on *any* drugs forever)
*I know, once an addict, always an addict, blah blah blah... I'm referring to addicts who are not using actively at the moment.
A couple more things: (anticipating some replies related to the topic)
I read on many threads that Subs are good for depression, but it's really not a path that I would like to take. I find the taste horribly nauseating, and it'd be very expensive for me to pay for them out of my pocket monthly as I could absolutely not use my medical insurance for that.
I have very little interested in AA/NA. It doesn't work for me.
Thank you so much, I really hope at least some of you were able to finish my long rambling... I swear it won't be like this every post!
(Warning - rambling ahead)
Background:
I've been a heroin/fentanyl user (mostly H) for about 3 years now, 2 years chipping and 1 year completely addicted once I started shooting up. Shooting up H, then fentanyl pops, and when that supply ran out, back to H. A couple things happened in past few months that I'm finally at a place where I don't want to live this life anymore. One, I overdosed twice this year (thank God for a friend with Narcan, both times, but I know I won't be that lucky every time.) Two, I was *this* close to getting busted BIG TIME & like a lot of you, I live a respectable "double" life where most people in my life could NOT imagine me as a regular drug user, let alone a heroin addict.
So I made a decision to quit. But the last couple of times I tried to quit, I fell into deep depression, the kind of level that I was barely functioning (not getting out of bed for the entire day, etc.) and that's precisely why I relapsed. Neither relapses lasted long time, a few days at max, but it did put me back exactly where I started. So last Saturday (a week ago, tail-end of my last relapse) I used H for "the last time" yet again. I've almost always been able to secure some Subs (from a friend, not Rx) so getting over physical withdrawal symptoms haven't been a problem. But the depression is a bitch. I've been feeling so depressed in past couple of days, and I'm trying really hard to fight the temptation of relapse (which isn't as hard as it used to be, as my main connect is getting locked up any day... but we all know we can find something somewhere if there's a will.)
Almost getting to the point:
I have been going to a therapist & she's recommended that I go on some kind of anti-depressant to combat that feeling. Now I was skeptical in the beginning, as I had gone through a similar episode of depression (not drug-related at all, I had never done opiates at that point) in my late teens. My psychiatrist at that time put me on Prozac & it didn't really work for me. I pulled myself out of it eventually, though it took a long time. But then my best drug buddy (the one who saved my life twice, he's been clean) told me he's been on Wellbutrin & it's worked very well for him. He's in a medical profession with lots of knowledge on psychology, and he's always said we have a similar brain chemistry. I also read about some people here using anti-depressants as well. So I'm willing to try Wellbutrin or other anti-depressants (preferably not SSRIs, though if they worked for you, I would like to hear about it) and I would really love to hear any comments or experiences from other former (or even on-and-off) heroin addicts who are taking or have taken anti-depressants to combat PAWS, especially depression.
So... summing of MY QUESTION:
Have any former (or on-and-off) heroin addicts* used anti-depressants to combat PAWS, especially depression? Which anti-depressants? How did it work for you? How long have you/were you on it? (I have a fear of not being able to get off them, I would rather not be dependent on *any* drugs forever)
*I know, once an addict, always an addict, blah blah blah... I'm referring to addicts who are not using actively at the moment.
A couple more things: (anticipating some replies related to the topic)
I read on many threads that Subs are good for depression, but it's really not a path that I would like to take. I find the taste horribly nauseating, and it'd be very expensive for me to pay for them out of my pocket monthly as I could absolutely not use my medical insurance for that.
I have very little interested in AA/NA. It doesn't work for me.
Thank you so much, I really hope at least some of you were able to finish my long rambling... I swear it won't be like this every post!
