for tom

[yoUr bLiSS]

i cried over you once
long throbbing salty crocodile tears
i was cracked out of my head
i was listening to james
i can't explain it
i knew you before
i'll know you after
you lost me in the inbetween

i thought you were gone
your soul sucked away
yet i felt you in a dream
i knew the inevitable had occured
you were dead
or
you were caught
i knew
i fucking knew
i don't know how but i did
6 weeks later came another one
so vivid
so disturbing
you grabbed my arm
looked into my eyes
time stopped
i awoke
that day i got the phone call

i gave you a birthday card
it was the last week in january
you were so awful to me
i gave up that day
i was the only one who questioned
the only one who cared
i could not let you just fall
this is why you hated me
my card is in custody
with the rest of your shit
so ironic
you were about to read it
but just at that moment
you were saved
fate had finally caught up with you

your back now
the boy i once knew
the only boy who knows the truth
you were there when he went crazy
that day he spent in the corner
that day of bullets and threats
that day you took me away
something happened to us then
he's long gone
yet you remain

i remember when it started
EDC 2000
i was the angel in the paper
you had your first pill
if only i knew what was too come
i used to blame myself
but i only opened a door
you took over from there
i'll leave out the details

"clairvoyant"
you called me this tonight
collect from jail
the dreams rang true
"i missed your birthday"
"i never got to read your card."
"promise me"
"promise me you'll never do this"
i tried to lie
but you knew better


that day i cried
i left you a voice mail
"fuck your drugs!"
"a million pills could never take the place of the boy i once knew"
i never needed nor asked
i could have taken advantage
but that's not me
you left a x-mas gift in my car once
i smiled at the cookies
they looked homemade
but the real present was beneath
25 pills
2 viles
the fucking cookies meant more
that was one treasure trove of many
i used to give it all away

your in jail now
yet you are alive

this is all that matters

 

[harraser]

sueness.. i fucking suck at typing replies, especially when it matters.. but love youve told me much, if not all, of this story, and ever since you first mentioned his name, just from the tone in your voice i knew it was a person buried deep into your heart.. there was much sadness and regret there, and it tugged at me.. i dont know why, i hardly knew you, but we were sitting on the floor of your front room, drinking vanilla vodka and coke, and talking about anything and everything.. when somehow we got onto the subject of tom and.. hun seeing the feeling in your eyes just cemented for me that no matter how "over it" you thought you were, you never would be.. some people just cant be removed from our soul no matter how much we wish they could be...

your in jail now
yet you are alive

that is all that matters

exactly. that is all that matters. and im glad for you that he is darling. i just hope he gets back on the right track. it sounds like he already is.

*hugs*

-YLHB