for one reason or another

[Eyes On the Roll]

There is an open wound in my mind that never heals. I do not hope for a better life for anyone. Actually, I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape. There is no me. There is a name that I go by, but inside, there is not a dot I can put on myself. I am ever changing, and I don't even know who I am. All I know is that, I am never happy, I am always angry, and I have never liked anyone. As the days go by, I find it all the more difficult to hide my disgust. My days consist of deep breaths, jaw clenching, tongue biting, and dissociated glances.

 

[laschenova]

Have you tried seeing a therapist about this? I am not a shrink, but it sounds like you may have a personality disorder. Either that or a troubled childhood.

Unless you are a teenager or just out of the teen years, then these angsty type feelings are a bit more normal, but you should still to see a therapist to work it out.

I hope you can find some closure to your anger. It is only hurting you, and keeping you from moving on with your life.

 

[herbavore]

My days consist of deep breaths, jaw clenching, tongue biting, and dissociated glances.

Eyes On the Roll, this sounds like a living hell. I also think it sounds scary that you feel like you have no center, no place inside where you exist underneath all the emotions and thoughts. Anger is usually fear manifested as some sort of pseudo control. Fear makes us feel helpless while anger deludes us into thinking we are in control. Have you ever considered going on a backpacking trek in the wilderness? It seems like you are imprisoned by your anger and disgust. It would be amazing for you to be able to relax into the kind of ego-less state that being alone in the wilderness can bring on. There is so much more to the world than other people.

 

[blahman8000]

Man, I think that you'd benefit so much from seeing a therapist/psychiatrist who won't just label you and give up. It just sounds like you have a lot built up that you were never given the healthy opportunity to express. As much bitterness you detect within yourself, you are clearly still fighting for something better.