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Following the Tri-score brick road.
- Thread starter S.M.F.G
- Start date
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
^Hey thnx 4 the support it does help....even if i do not always acnoledge it
Todays been fairly sedate got a sick girlfriend to tend to and tha terror+her friend running about having fun, which makes me happier and shes set 4 tonite with a movie she wants etc.
8mgs Today but... and a couple of bowls, no alchohol but still not doing it quite correctly
was a quik update i really wanna post more around here and just finished one but now i gtta get house under controll
my heads a bit all ova tha place but im hangin in.
Todays been fairly sedate got a sick girlfriend to tend to and tha terror+her friend running about having fun, which makes me happier and shes set 4 tonite with a movie she wants etc.
8mgs Today but... and a couple of bowls, no alchohol but still not doing it quite correctly
was a quik update i really wanna post more around here and just finished one but now i gtta get house under controll
my heads a bit all ova tha place but im hangin in.
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Wow... i really dont know where to start and i'l never never get to finish, Therapy session today (my last with this one) go here go there, did them saw that etc back home.
Sitting with the realisation that I've got some very deep emotionial issues, I'm heavily medicated on a short acting benzo, I Like to have @ least one alchoholic beverage everyother day, Ismoke weed and cigerettes....I'm nowhere near normal or what society whants, which are sheep imo.
Not that others situatuions arent fucked up way worse than mine its not what im trying to ssay..I feel i cannot properly convey to anyone where im @ right now in tha head, and its kinda scarey.
Tryin tha herbalz now ontop of too many xanax to get down to a level where im calm enuf to deal wit a situation (let alone be happy) Mulungu tea and blue lotus has just been chucked on the pile.
Dont think im really gaining any progress folks
Any thoughts?
Sitting with the realisation that I've got some very deep emotionial issues, I'm heavily medicated on a short acting benzo, I Like to have @ least one alchoholic beverage everyother day, Ismoke weed and cigerettes....I'm nowhere near normal or what society whants, which are sheep imo.
Not that others situatuions arent fucked up way worse than mine its not what im trying to ssay..I feel i cannot properly convey to anyone where im @ right now in tha head, and its kinda scarey.
Tryin tha herbalz now ontop of too many xanax to get down to a level where im calm enuf to deal wit a situation (let alone be happy) Mulungu tea and blue lotus has just been chucked on the pile.
Dont think im really gaining any progress folks
Any thoughts?
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suessmayr
Bluelighter
I'm not really clear on a couple of things:
1) What exactly are you taking? Is it: weed, tramadol, booze, alprazolam and anti-depressants?
2) What exactly are you trying to do? Is it: get clean? Or get less depressed? They probably will coincide.
One thing that was really apparent to me is your feeling of a sort of drastic, lethal hopelessness. I think that this is severely exacerbated by benzos - they make you confused, kill your memory, and fuck your moods.
Also I wanted to ask - why are you even thinking about taking things like seroquel and tricyclics to sleep when you're on so much other shit?
I think the first thing to go must be either the weed or the booze. Personally I would make it the weed but in my case weed is very destructive and paranoia-inducing; some people find it really helps, in which case you might want to hold onto the weed while you kick the other things.
If you're going to get off alprazolam you will want and need to get onto something like diazepam of klonazepam (longer acting benzos) first.
Also I want to say that I live in Australia and I can totally relate to the commercialist money-grubbing bullshit that you described. I haven't used my facebook account in about a year. It seems to rely totally on an aspect of people's behaviour that I find deeply repugnant.
So stay away from these things if they make you depressed - they make me depressed as shit.
1) What exactly are you taking? Is it: weed, tramadol, booze, alprazolam and anti-depressants?
2) What exactly are you trying to do? Is it: get clean? Or get less depressed? They probably will coincide.
One thing that was really apparent to me is your feeling of a sort of drastic, lethal hopelessness. I think that this is severely exacerbated by benzos - they make you confused, kill your memory, and fuck your moods.
Also I wanted to ask - why are you even thinking about taking things like seroquel and tricyclics to sleep when you're on so much other shit?
I think the first thing to go must be either the weed or the booze. Personally I would make it the weed but in my case weed is very destructive and paranoia-inducing; some people find it really helps, in which case you might want to hold onto the weed while you kick the other things.
If you're going to get off alprazolam you will want and need to get onto something like diazepam of klonazepam (longer acting benzos) first.
Also I want to say that I live in Australia and I can totally relate to the commercialist money-grubbing bullshit that you described. I haven't used my facebook account in about a year. It seems to rely totally on an aspect of people's behaviour that I find deeply repugnant.
So stay away from these things if they make you depressed - they make me depressed as shit.
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
^ I'm glad to be able to adress these two suessmayr..
1) you hit the nail on the head I am indeed atm doing all of the above apart from as of today im gonna cut alchohol out of my life, its doing me no good. Have had a colourfull history with psycadelics, Rc's, uppers and op8s and i find it hard to say no if its offered ya know, I distance myself from these situations as much as i can but atm the only drugs on your list i bieleive to be abuseing are weed and alchohol, Maybe tram on the odd occasion i'l have a large dose @ once instead of as directed.
2) This is a giant headfuck.... id like to be less depressed, who wouldnt, I'd like to get clean, and in good time i will, Ive been and spoken with my doc about these concerns and in thier oppinion the medications are nessesary for me to function properly, Dont seem overly concerned that i eat the odd extra half or whole brick as long as im usein tha antidepressant.
The weed and the alchohol MUST go out the window and my life needs to be a bit more stable before i consider going onto any sort of taper offa my xanax.
Now the next thing that you said is also right i do feel like this..... re the benzo sside effects yer what i bielieve to an extent... but alot of the benzo symptoms r fixed by the trycilic antidepressant or the mulingu tea is would seem in my case, although i can get oversedated real easy if im not carefull.
Not gonnna go bak to seroquel the herbal tea and trycilic r givin me better sleep.
But yer the booze is what im tackeling now and hopefully by next week il not aquire weed and start saving money for a car so i can get us out of this shit house we in. I look foward to any feedback on this or am i just not makeing sence? Doctor said im doin good, friends say im doin better, i really dont feel like it but....
1) you hit the nail on the head I am indeed atm doing all of the above apart from as of today im gonna cut alchohol out of my life, its doing me no good. Have had a colourfull history with psycadelics, Rc's, uppers and op8s and i find it hard to say no if its offered ya know, I distance myself from these situations as much as i can but atm the only drugs on your list i bieleive to be abuseing are weed and alchohol, Maybe tram on the odd occasion i'l have a large dose @ once instead of as directed.
2) This is a giant headfuck.... id like to be less depressed, who wouldnt, I'd like to get clean, and in good time i will, Ive been and spoken with my doc about these concerns and in thier oppinion the medications are nessesary for me to function properly, Dont seem overly concerned that i eat the odd extra half or whole brick as long as im usein tha antidepressant.
The weed and the alchohol MUST go out the window and my life needs to be a bit more stable before i consider going onto any sort of taper offa my xanax.
Now the next thing that you said is also right i do feel like this..... re the benzo sside effects yer what i bielieve to an extent... but alot of the benzo symptoms r fixed by the trycilic antidepressant or the mulingu tea is would seem in my case, although i can get oversedated real easy if im not carefull.
Not gonnna go bak to seroquel the herbal tea and trycilic r givin me better sleep.
But yer the booze is what im tackeling now and hopefully by next week il not aquire weed and start saving money for a car so i can get us out of this shit house we in. I look foward to any feedback on this or am i just not makeing sence? Doctor said im doin good, friends say im doin better, i really dont feel like it but....
suessmayr
Bluelighter
I know how it feels to be told you're doing better without feeling it. But I think the fact that you're making decisions, about what you should kick first etc., is a good sign.
I don't think it's good thinking to justify being on benzos by reference to anti-dep.s; you said the worst of the benzo effects seem in your case to be mitigated by the anti-depressants. But even if they really are - which, by the way, I doubt! - the implication should clearly be that you would feel even better if you were off benzos. That way the anti-dep.s would be getting a chance to work properly.
It could be the case that I have a slightly prejudiced view towards benzos. But I was on almost a dozen of them for such a long time and I can only give advice based on my own experience: in my case, they ruined everything. For the entire time I was on benzos, I was depressed. When I got clean, my mood dramatically improved. In my view they are on a whole different level of destructiveness to opiates - maybe this has something to do with the former's toxicity, as opposed to the latters relative 'naturalness', I don't know.
But whichever thing you decide to deal with first, it's a massive step forward, and it sounds like the alcohol, weed and tramadol are really subordinate issues to the main one, namely the xanax.
I don't think it's good thinking to justify being on benzos by reference to anti-dep.s; you said the worst of the benzo effects seem in your case to be mitigated by the anti-depressants. But even if they really are - which, by the way, I doubt! - the implication should clearly be that you would feel even better if you were off benzos. That way the anti-dep.s would be getting a chance to work properly.
It could be the case that I have a slightly prejudiced view towards benzos. But I was on almost a dozen of them for such a long time and I can only give advice based on my own experience: in my case, they ruined everything. For the entire time I was on benzos, I was depressed. When I got clean, my mood dramatically improved. In my view they are on a whole different level of destructiveness to opiates - maybe this has something to do with the former's toxicity, as opposed to the latters relative 'naturalness', I don't know.
But whichever thing you decide to deal with first, it's a massive step forward, and it sounds like the alcohol, weed and tramadol are really subordinate issues to the main one, namely the xanax.
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Wow a dozen was that all @ once?? sounds madness!
maybe u right about ur second paragraph although i did also indicate that the Mulingu tea may have helped, Its great stuff and does many good things within the body.. maybe not and u just a lil anti benzo. I'm not entierly comftorbale with my dose but if i get up and @ it i can function normaly, Its when i lay in bed wasteing away that i get bad, which ive come to realise and am working on..... So im following Docs advice right now and getting my life back for the time being as im supposidly making progress.. Im also off to a new psycologist in a few weeks who's specialty is drug & alchohol abuse. Todays been gud i managed to get alot done around here and go out without any problems. Have had one extra brick today couple of conez (4-5) lots of ciggys and 200mg tram is the headcount for today...giving tea a break for a day or two as recomendnd and will just have to wait and see what comes of that. Reading DMT the spirit molocule which i just aquired so that'l keep me away frm the tv...facinating stuff!
NB: was stoked i had the energy and time to post around here a bit today..... "Feels good man"
maybe u right about ur second paragraph although i did also indicate that the Mulingu tea may have helped, Its great stuff and does many good things within the body.. maybe not and u just a lil anti benzo. I'm not entierly comftorbale with my dose but if i get up and @ it i can function normaly, Its when i lay in bed wasteing away that i get bad, which ive come to realise and am working on..... So im following Docs advice right now and getting my life back for the time being as im supposidly making progress.. Im also off to a new psycologist in a few weeks who's specialty is drug & alchohol abuse. Todays been gud i managed to get alot done around here and go out without any problems. Have had one extra brick today couple of conez (4-5) lots of ciggys and 200mg tram is the headcount for today...giving tea a break for a day or two as recomendnd and will just have to wait and see what comes of that. Reading DMT the spirit molocule which i just aquired so that'l keep me away frm the tv...facinating stuff!
NB: was stoked i had the energy and time to post around here a bit today..... "Feels good man"
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suessmayr
Bluelighter
Yeah it can feel very good to share/give advice when you're down.
I wasn't taking a dozen benzos simultaneously. I was probably never on more than 3 at once, but I was chopping and changing very quickly; I had just discovered doctor shopping and was fucking great at it. So I messed with all these benzos for a long time - I remember I would just pull up the PBS and pick at random some benzo I had never taken, and decide to go shopping for it - before settling pretty firmly into a xanax/valium/temazepam habit. But I think it would be a mistake to assume that because, in my case, more benzos were involved, the effects I experienced will not apply to you. I felt equally shit whether I was taking lorazepam and rohypnol or just valium by itself. Benzos are fucken hell!
Also, pretty much anywhere you read about benzo side-effects, you will find depression as one of them. Paradoxically, anxiety as well.
It's great that you didn't drink today. One thing I did want to ask is this: you said that you're not 'addicted' to tramadol, and that you just take it more or less sporadically. If this is true, then you're in a really unique position in that you can probably stop taking it with minimal discomfort. That would be a logical place to start, given that you're not actually dependent on it (or are you?).
Keep at it man.
I wasn't taking a dozen benzos simultaneously. I was probably never on more than 3 at once, but I was chopping and changing very quickly; I had just discovered doctor shopping and was fucking great at it. So I messed with all these benzos for a long time - I remember I would just pull up the PBS and pick at random some benzo I had never taken, and decide to go shopping for it - before settling pretty firmly into a xanax/valium/temazepam habit. But I think it would be a mistake to assume that because, in my case, more benzos were involved, the effects I experienced will not apply to you. I felt equally shit whether I was taking lorazepam and rohypnol or just valium by itself. Benzos are fucken hell!
Also, pretty much anywhere you read about benzo side-effects, you will find depression as one of them. Paradoxically, anxiety as well.
It's great that you didn't drink today. One thing I did want to ask is this: you said that you're not 'addicted' to tramadol, and that you just take it more or less sporadically. If this is true, then you're in a really unique position in that you can probably stop taking it with minimal discomfort. That would be a logical place to start, given that you're not actually dependent on it (or are you?).
Keep at it man.
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
^tha trams i use for restless leg syndrome presumably a side effect of the trycilic anti-dep, and when i get headaches of course, its the combonation of all that shit, all my personal shit, and my financial situation that was fucking with my head when i started this thread... Since then have been eating better, decided booze is the first to go and eventualy wanna get offa weed even for a t-break, then il see where im sitting, i always run out of tramadol before i get back to the doctors so im normaly 3 weeks with it then one week without.
Todays seen me have ma 6mg, a 5cone brew, coupla ciggys, and a half cup of quite potent mulingu tea, which i have nothing but good things to say about... check out the wiki on it and ul see its wide variety of uses.
signin off to spend time with the girlfriend b4 she go to work![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
might bamp thisafternoon and post how i feelin. Im gonna say 7/10 atm but thats bein generous
I forgot to mention, i went to look @ a car today i could possibly have in a month, that was a 5km ride, i aint done that shit in like 6 months
Todays seen me have ma 6mg, a 5cone brew, coupla ciggys, and a half cup of quite potent mulingu tea, which i have nothing but good things to say about... check out the wiki on it and ul see its wide variety of uses.
signin off to spend time with the girlfriend b4 she go to work
might bamp thisafternoon and post how i feelin. Im gonna say 7/10 atm but thats bein generous
I forgot to mention, i went to look @ a car today i could possibly have in a month, that was a 5km ride, i aint done that shit in like 6 months
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gavatron@oz
Bluelighter
Hey mate,
We started chatting last night and today after i pm'ed you about some dark times that im going through, that was prior to reading this thread.. If you look back at your posts ih this thread,youve already made some really big leaps to sorting things out.. Dont be too harsh on yourself.
The bike rides an effort,maybe try keep that up,but perhaps gradually increase the distance-save you burning out. Doing stuff with the little one,like u mentioned- frizby,perhaps a playground adventure,has she got a bike?? Use her apreciation of simple things and her having fun as a motivator to get u out and about..kids an have some unexplainable positive effects on you if your down..
The xannys may be giving you trouble sleeping at night, in my experience-i'll get a good 3-4 hrs,and then toss and turn. Diazepam-val, and Temazapam-temaze are alot better at night with longer half lifes. That could start the taper on the xannys..
You offered me some great support to me overpm and little did i know what your going through.. Like a previous bl'er above said, tnis sight works wonders when you can help advise another fellowtrouble person,you seem to forget your troubles for the split moment.
Not sure exactly where your located, but im seeing an addiction specialist psychologist,he worked in rehab centres and is looking at starting one himself..where this is going-- ive never really connected or opened up to any counselling,yet after my visits witn this fellow, i can see it having quite an impact..i leave there with my thoughts in a clear perspective, alot of times the waywe perceive our problems causes more issues for us, its unlikely,but in pm i let u know where im located,i believe your near,its worth your trouble.,
thanks for your support again. And your makig some good progress.just watch the benzo addiction.
Tron
We started chatting last night and today after i pm'ed you about some dark times that im going through, that was prior to reading this thread.. If you look back at your posts ih this thread,youve already made some really big leaps to sorting things out.. Dont be too harsh on yourself.
The bike rides an effort,maybe try keep that up,but perhaps gradually increase the distance-save you burning out. Doing stuff with the little one,like u mentioned- frizby,perhaps a playground adventure,has she got a bike?? Use her apreciation of simple things and her having fun as a motivator to get u out and about..kids an have some unexplainable positive effects on you if your down..
The xannys may be giving you trouble sleeping at night, in my experience-i'll get a good 3-4 hrs,and then toss and turn. Diazepam-val, and Temazapam-temaze are alot better at night with longer half lifes. That could start the taper on the xannys..
You offered me some great support to me overpm and little did i know what your going through.. Like a previous bl'er above said, tnis sight works wonders when you can help advise another fellowtrouble person,you seem to forget your troubles for the split moment.
Not sure exactly where your located, but im seeing an addiction specialist psychologist,he worked in rehab centres and is looking at starting one himself..where this is going-- ive never really connected or opened up to any counselling,yet after my visits witn this fellow, i can see it having quite an impact..i leave there with my thoughts in a clear perspective, alot of times the waywe perceive our problems causes more issues for us, its unlikely,but in pm i let u know where im located,i believe your near,its worth your trouble.,
thanks for your support again. And your makig some good progress.just watch the benzo addiction.
Tron
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Wee update: now afternoon have had a fairly sedate day no majour dramas.... have had an extra brik n a bit with a coupla tramz notha couple conez with the g/f and this tea.. this Mulungu Tea i been brewing an ounce or so to a litre of water simmering over the course of an hour, have had two cups of that so far and am feeling pretty ok, it seems to compliment the benzo and its benificial in many other ways. Thats me for the moment ive taken laa ma drugz 4 tha day now gotts ta do dinner, and have an hours catnap. then bak here laterz
gavatron@oz
Bluelighter
Hey mate,
We started chatting last night and today after i pm'ed you about some dark times that im going through, that was prior to reading this thread.. If you look back at your posts ih this thread,youve already made some really big leaps to sorting things out.. Dont be too harsh on yourself.
The bike rides an effort,maybe try keep that up,but perhaps gradually increase the distance-save you burning out. Doing stuff with the little one,like u mentioned- frizby,perhaps a playground adventure,has she got a bike?? Use her apreciation of simple things and her having fun as a motivator to get u out and about..kids an have some unexplainable positive effects on you if your down..
The xannys may be giving you trouble sleeping at night, in my experience-i'll get a good 3-4 hrs,and then toss and turn. Diazepam-val, and Temazapam-temaze are alot better at night with longer half lifes. That could start the taper on the xannys..
You offered me some great support to me overpm and little did i know what your going through.. Like a previous bl'er above said, tnis sight works wonders when you can help advise another fellowtrouble person,you seem to forget your troubles for the split moment.
Not sure exactly where your located, but im seeing an addiction specialist psychologist,he worked in rehab centres and is looking at starting one himself..where this is going-- ive never really connected or opened up to any counselling,yet after my visits witn this fellow, i can see it having quite an impact..i leave there with my thoughts in a clear perspective, alot of times the waywe perceive our problems causes more issues for us, its unlikely,but in pm i let u know where im located,i believe your near,its worth your trouble.,
thanks for your support again. And your makig some good progress.just watch the benzo addiction.
Tron
We started chatting last night and today after i pm'ed you about some dark times that im going through, that was prior to reading this thread.. If you look back at your posts ih this thread,youve already made some really big leaps to sorting things out.. Dont be too harsh on yourself.
The bike rides an effort,maybe try keep that up,but perhaps gradually increase the distance-save you burning out. Doing stuff with the little one,like u mentioned- frizby,perhaps a playground adventure,has she got a bike?? Use her apreciation of simple things and her having fun as a motivator to get u out and about..kids an have some unexplainable positive effects on you if your down..
The xannys may be giving you trouble sleeping at night, in my experience-i'll get a good 3-4 hrs,and then toss and turn. Diazepam-val, and Temazapam-temaze are alot better at night with longer half lifes. That could start the taper on the xannys..
You offered me some great support to me overpm and little did i know what your going through.. Like a previous bl'er above said, tnis sight works wonders when you can help advise another fellowtrouble person,you seem to forget your troubles for the split moment.
Not sure exactly where your located, but im seeing an addiction specialist psychologist,he worked in rehab centres and is looking at starting one himself..where this is going-- ive never really connected or opened up to any counselling,yet after my visits witn this fellow, i can see it having quite an impact..i leave there with my thoughts in a clear perspective, alot of times the waywe perceive our problems causes more issues for us, its unlikely,but in pm i let u know where im located,i believe your near,its worth your trouble.,
thanks for your support again. And your makig some good progress.just watch the benzo addiction.
Tron
suessmayr
Bluelighter
Isn't 6mg alprazolam like, really alot? I forget the conversions but isn't that like over 20x 5mg valiums?
gavatron@oz
Bluelighter
Hey Suessmayr,
Not sure if that posts to me regarding trying temaz,diaz, or lorazepam to taper off xannys,or at SMFG's dosage,though i do have a family member prescribed 8mg's per day, as well as ssri's..i almost fell over when i saw it on the bottle.
Ive found valium ,temaze-though only 5 mgs, to better to sleep on..
NICE TO MEET YOU THOUGH MATE
Not sure if that posts to me regarding trying temaz,diaz, or lorazepam to taper off xannys,or at SMFG's dosage,though i do have a family member prescribed 8mg's per day, as well as ssri's..i almost fell over when i saw it on the bottle.
Ive found valium ,temaze-though only 5 mgs, to better to sleep on..
NICE TO MEET YOU THOUGH MATE
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Yes ur right it is a SHITLOAD specialy as im a small built lad, but doc has said its nessesary and i have been upto 10mg on the odd occasion (just like noddin on horse imo)
But im really tryin to be good and stik to that 6 mg per day sometimes i do goood sometimes not so good... Such is life i can only put one foot infront of the other
and if i remember correctly 6 mg of xnax = 120 mg diazapam according to www.benzo.org.uk
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suessmayr
Bluelighter
HOLY JESUS FUCK!! That is equivalent to ALOT of diazepam man. That is like 24 tablets. That was about my recreational dose when I was using benzos indiscriminately and purely for fun. But even that was totally unnecessary and I would usually black out and have no recollection of the experience. About half that (60mg, half of what you're taking) was more than enough for me with a massive tolerance and looking to get utterly monged.
Shit, that is a massive tolerance. You should really work on getting it down - anything you can do will help at this stage.
'Gavatron@Oz' - nice to meet you too man. I was talking to S.M.F.G but nice to meet you nonetheless. In my experience also, diazepam and temazepam are much better for sleep. Makes sense really, given that xanax is an anxiolytic drug, not a hypnotic.
Shit, that is a massive tolerance. You should really work on getting it down - anything you can do will help at this stage.
'Gavatron@Oz' - nice to meet you too man. I was talking to S.M.F.G but nice to meet you nonetheless. In my experience also, diazepam and temazepam are much better for sleep. Makes sense really, given that xanax is an anxiolytic drug, not a hypnotic.
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Shit can turn upsidedown so quickly in life its just yet another headfuck that goes thru what i call a brain, Girlfriends up @ the Hospital waiting room due to severe headaches thathavnt gone away despite a fair bit of pain relief.
This streses the fuck outta me ive had my max tramadol smoked my last ciggy and if i wanna stick to schedule no more xanax tonite... but im fucking peakin out of my brain im honestly surprised im sitting here typing this i really am.
Fuck me hows shit go bad so quick?I just want more something to help get me to relax a bit from a great mornng to sitting here sobbin bout how hopless shit is its such a nasty cycle to even think of tryin to break.
Guess im done....Better go get the kid some desert
life fucking sucks sometimes, i h8 bein in this type of mood
This streses the fuck outta me ive had my max tramadol smoked my last ciggy and if i wanna stick to schedule no more xanax tonite... but im fucking peakin out of my brain im honestly surprised im sitting here typing this i really am.
Fuck me hows shit go bad so quick?I just want more something to help get me to relax a bit from a great mornng to sitting here sobbin bout how hopless shit is its such a nasty cycle to even think of tryin to break.
Guess im done....Better go get the kid some desert
life fucking sucks sometimes, i h8 bein in this type of mood
gavatron@oz
Bluelighter
at Times it may seem that your life is just a hurdle after bigger fucken hurdle.when shit goes wrong,usually heaps of shit goes wrong..like a roll on affect. Also this can come from the way you deal with the problems to begin with..i tend to make even more by my reactions.
My DOC,being a meth monster, fucked my ability to rationalise problems,instead it gave me a reason to go rape the pipe.i felt good,til it ran out,but the problem was still there,along with feeling shit and a hole in my pocket..
Tomorows another day.... And im sure your thinkingo yourself- fuck of gav u idiot- but it gives you hope.. Head up mate,cheer up the jnr..
Dont dig yourself a hole mate.pm me.smfg.
My DOC,being a meth monster, fucked my ability to rationalise problems,instead it gave me a reason to go rape the pipe.i felt good,til it ran out,but the problem was still there,along with feeling shit and a hole in my pocket..
Tomorows another day.... And im sure your thinkingo yourself- fuck of gav u idiot- but it gives you hope.. Head up mate,cheer up the jnr..
Dont dig yourself a hole mate.pm me.smfg.
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
^ have done Bro... This mornings waking was good i got to sleep till 9 AM, im brewin my mulingu tea atm (takes about an hour) had my xannies for the day and a small bowl, i'l consume the tea throught the afternoon and hopefully it willl b enuf for me not to have to take more benzos,
have had some dreams latley where i wake cravin for the steel, or a smoke of tweak, dunno whats goin on there, id really like to do DMT with someone thats experienced and can be my carer...
from what im reading this stuf can lead to profound revelations and ive always been an advocate of psychedelic Psycotherapy.
but its shunned by most of the western medicine world,, shame really, since good acid and shrooms have given me insights and experiences, where im gr8 for a couple of months but then sink bak into the hole im in now.
I'm the perfect guinnipig, scientsts research my body and theyd probably learn heaps about RC'
Im out for now, gonna check ma brew and chill infront of evil dead 3 forthelulz
have had some dreams latley where i wake cravin for the steel, or a smoke of tweak, dunno whats goin on there, id really like to do DMT with someone thats experienced and can be my carer...
from what im reading this stuf can lead to profound revelations and ive always been an advocate of psychedelic Psycotherapy.
but its shunned by most of the western medicine world,, shame really, since good acid and shrooms have given me insights and experiences, where im gr8 for a couple of months but then sink bak into the hole im in now.
I'm the perfect guinnipig, scientsts research my body and theyd probably learn heaps about RC'
Im out for now, gonna check ma brew and chill infront of evil dead 3 forthelulz
S.M.F.G
Bluelighter
Utter fail
postin with my meds in me got more weed, cant help myself, and justified a bottle of red to use for "cooking"8)
Im brewing my mulingu as we speak, then il drop the wine and have that instead.... have been noticing its giving me qiute a pleasnt sedation whils also being able to do things if they need doing.
So yer i'm bak to phase 1, not good. I'm getting my girlfriends fucking cold/virus/flu whatever the fuck it is.... Sposed to b gettin a car but i just blew 50$ out of the savings on it for what... a stupid smoke
postin with my meds in me got more weed, cant help myself, and justified a bottle of red to use for "cooking"8)
Im brewing my mulingu as we speak, then il drop the wine and have that instead.... have been noticing its giving me qiute a pleasnt sedation whils also being able to do things if they need doing.
So yer i'm bak to phase 1, not good. I'm getting my girlfriends fucking cold/virus/flu whatever the fuck it is.... Sposed to b gettin a car but i just blew 50$ out of the savings on it for what... a stupid smoke