Fluoxetine (Prozac) - Experienced - The Worst Kind of Withdrawal

[Lady Codone]

As many of you may know (because I've talked about it so much lol), I've taken virtually every antidepressant drug on the market today. Here's a partial list of some of the tricyclics, antipsychotics, SSRIs, and other psychiatric meds I've been prescribed:

Effexor
Lexapro
Prozac
Luvox
Anafranil
Risperdal
Cymbalta
Elavil
BuSpar
Provigil
Desyrel

My relationship with these substances began at the age of 16 at the urging of various physicians, counselors, psychiatrists, and other "professionals". Though I've never been given an official diagnosis, the terms "depression", "OCD", "anxiety," and "phobia" have been used to describe whatever it is that is supposedly wrong with my brain.

Anyway, I began taking Prozac again in May of 2008 after gaining significant weight from quitting it a year prior (I'd put on 30 lbs. and was none too happy about it). This was the only reason I started taking it again, as I was experiencing nothing mentally that made me think I needed it. In fact, I actually felt BETTER without the Prozac, and my closest friends had even remarked that they liked me better without it (I'm more "fiesty" as they put it). Plus, my mom has enough Prozac stored up to last her years, so I figured, why not?

After one failed attempt to take a reduced 5 mg. dose by dumping out part of the powder contained in the pills that lead to me experiencing something horrible they refer to as 'akathisia', I said 'fuck it' and took the whole 20 mg. dose. I attribute the side effects mentioned above to be caused by an inconsistent dose resulting from my haphazard "dumping" of the pill contents.

Once on the 20 mg. dose for about a week, I began experiencing the typical SSRI "zombie" syndrome so many people describe: I was less enthusiastic, had more of a flat affect, and was generally less lively. Any time I should have had a strong emotion, good or bad, I would instead lay down for a nap until the feeling went away. The change was subtle and indescribable, but my roommate mentioned that she thought I seemed "different". I was willing to deal with losing a part of my personality if it meant getting back down to my fighting weight, so I continued taking my 20 mg. Prozac faithfully at bedtime each night like a good little girl.

Well, about 6 months into it, I still hadn't lost any of the weight I'd gained and began considering getting off the Prozac wagon again when life seemed calm enough to do so. Having had some truly terrifying experiences quitting psychiatric meds in the past, I knew what I was in for and wanted to make sure the mood was right, no pun intended.

Fast forward to February, and I was ready to start the long journey back to myself. I'd tried the cold turkey method in the past as well as an extended 3-4 month taper, both of which were pretty horrendous, so I decided to just quit taking it for a few days and see how it went. On the 4th day, my s/o informed me that they didn't get paid (it was payday) and that the company's payroll checks had been bouncing, and I just lost it.

I began crying, gasping for air, choking on my own spit, and just generally freaking out. I was inconsolable. I felt an indescribable need to "jump out of my own skin" and run away and kept saying things like "I have to get out of here" and "I can't do this" over and over between sobs and shrieks. It was like I was trapped in the most intense depression imaginable. Luckily, I had the presence of mind to take a Prozac despite being so upset and being totally convinced that the situation really warranted such a reaction. I also prepared some poppy pod tea, which immediately gave me back my composure so I could think things through logically.

The next day my roommate informed me that she'd really thought I was a danger to myself and was going to hide anything I could overdose on in the house. I was, and still AM, pretty embarrassed about the whole thing because the real me is in no way suicidal or hysterical when I'm not experiencing discontinuation syndrome from SSRIs. I haven't taken any more Prozac since about 48 hours ago, but plan to actually start the tapering process tomorrow when it's time for my next dose.

Unfortunately, this isn't the worst episode I've gone through while quitting psychiatric medication; when I quit my year-long run with Lexapro, I slapped and spit on my roommate after an 8-hour argument and then began having what the ER staff referred to as a 'pseudo-parkinsonian' reaction in which I was twitching and thrashing around uncontrollably. I've also tried to cut my wrists with a razor and done some other unspeakable things while attempting to quit my meds in the past, even with an incredibly slow, cautious taper, so I fear what's in store for me these next couple of months. I plan to use deep breathing techniques, yoga, meditation, nutritional supplements, and poppy tea/codeine as needed to help me get back to baseline.

In the meantime, I just hope nothing else too stressful happens...

substancecode_prozac
substancecode_fluoxetine
substancecode_antidepressants
substancecode_pharms
explevel_experienced
roacode_oral
exptype_negative
exptype_difficult
exptype_addiction

 

[theWorldWithin]

Don't get me wrong, most AD's are bullshit but it sounds more like you are just a shallow and childish person. I mean really, who acts like that because their boyfriend can pay for them to do nothing all day? Girls who slap and spit on people should be punched out, that would be the 'equality' solution.

 

[MCMG]

dont take this the wrong way but... you seem like one of those girls that thinks their life is so horrible and blows it way out of proportion just for attention... you didnt mention anything about your life that makes it so bad, and expecailly if you dont have a diagnosis yet it makes me wonder...

 

[Lady Codone]

First of all, my s/o is a WOMAN, not a man, which I'm increasingly thankful for every time a chauvenistic know-it-all prick like you opens his shit-eating mouth without knowing the facts. Secondly, I have a job and have had ever since before getting into this relationship 4 years ago, and often loan significant amounts of money to my gf whenever she needs it, just like she does for me.

See, when two women are in a relationship together, they have to work doubly hard at finding work that pays over minimum wage in a male-dominated workforce. If either one fails to do so, both of them suffer and they risk losing everything. Once we DO find a job, 9 times out of 10 we're going to make about half to 3/4ths as much as would a man holding the very same position. There's no way in hell my gf and I could make our $800/month rent, $300 monthly car payments, $200 car insurance, bills, groceries and gas expenses with either one of us unemployed for any amount of time, so your half-assed, two-sentence remark about me staying home while my "boyfriend" supports me don't apply.

A male in America can get a job like working on oil rigs, repairing pipelines, working construction, being promoted to high levels in businesses where there's a "glass ceiling" above which a woman employee cannot rise (yes, sexism exists) and about a hundred other great-paying jobs with benefits WITHOUT a college degree or significant experience in the field. Hell, I've seen high school dropout LOSERS who could barely read land $80,000/year jobs just because they were men and could carry out the routine physical tasks that take virtually no brainpower to do. These particular examples live in the South, where a woman could never, EVER hope to get such a job, even if she were physically capable of doing it. (Pipeline worker and oil rig worker if you want specifics.)


If you want me to feel bad for "decent, hardworking guys who support lazy, golddigging women", I don't. If you can't get an intelligent, self-sufficient woman to date you (which I'm guessing you can't, as you seem particularly bitter toward females in general) and choose to support an ignorant money-grubbing skank, that's on you.

As far as "wanting attention" goes, believe me, I don't. I wrote this trip report as a means of harm reduction, and because I'm tired of spewing forth the same information every time some ignoramous on Bluelight asks whether or not to get on AD meds, what they'll "do" to him, etc.

The bottom line is, you know absolutely nothing about my life other than what I've posted on this forum. Maybe I worded some things wrong or could've explained myself better, but that gives you no right to make assumptions about my personality or life situation while shitting out sexist remarks about my "boyfriend" that doesn't exist or your perception of me as some braindead housewife who "does nothing all day". It makes you look every bit as ignorant, prejudiced, and insecure as someone who uses the "N-Word" and other racial slurs to make themselves feel important or bashes someone for their religion, handicap, or sexual orientation. I don't feel the need to share my sob stories about what I've been through in life to complete strangers on an internet forum, which is why I "didn't mention" anything "bad" about my life in the trip report. I did, however, make very clear that these behaviors--the suicidal thoughts, hyperventilation, hysterical crying, violence towards other, etc.--are NOT in any way my typical behavior. If they WERE, do you think I'd be disturbed enough by it to sit down and write a 12-paragraph report on it, or did you even read the whole thing? You've obviously never experienced SSRI discontinuation syndrome yourself, and even if you have, that doesn't mean you felt what I'm feeling right now, so fuck off. This forum is for TRIP REPORTS, and I'm just sharing my experience. If you want to hear about all the "bad" things in someone's life, go to The Dark Side forum. Better yet, why not hit up the Steroids forum, where I'm sure you can find other testosterone-driven, 'roid raging alpha males with sexist attitudes as fucked up as your own. (No offense to the steroids forum members intended. I'm sure you guys wouldn't want these assholes fucking up your threads any more than I do.)

((Mods: go ahead and just delete this post and give me a warning for "flaming" (read: being honest and defending myself) and leave theirs for everyone to see like has happened in the past. It won't hurt my feelings...))

 

[Shambles]

SSRI withdrawals are some of the worst I've ever had and I've had a fair variety and experience of withdrawals over the years. Physically it's unpleasant enough, but mentally I was fuckin' insane. I was pretty much psychotic at points - quite hysterical and seeing/"communicating with" things that weren't there. Awake for days on end. Losing my rag with anybody and everybody over anything and everything. Cutting bizarre, nihilistic "words of wisdom" into my flesh with glass/razors. Was seriously nasty.

This was undoubtedly exacerbated as it coincided with one of my episodes of heroin/crack withdrawal. Was quite possibly the most nightmarish few days I've ever experienced. SSRI withdrawal is fuckin' brutal so I can relate a lil - I wouldn't wish it on anybody and you couldn't pay me enough to go near SSRIs again.

 

[eely]

dont take this the wrong way but... you seem like one of those girls that thinks their life is so horrible and blows it way out of proportion just for attention... you didnt mention anything about your life that makes it so bad, and expecailly if you dont have a diagnosis yet it makes me wonder...

Haha how do you not take that the wrong way?

 

[theWorldWithin]

blah blah blah feminism blah blah I hate men blah blah

Big deal, its your girl friend instead of boyfriend, seems like the gender is a bigger issue to you since my comment applies equally to any partner. Don't hate men because you have no meaningful employment skills to earn above minimum wage.



By the way, before you rant about women not getting jobs above minimum wage go read about a policy called affirmative action. Also just as men can work construction women have tittie bars hahaha!


Now if you will excuse me I have a beer and some football on the agenda...

 

[nonnihilnitoris]

You guys are dicks.

The OP is not a spoiled white teenage girl, she is a victim of an industry than over-prescribes patented medications to make an extra buck.

My girlfriend has experienced the same kind of emotional turmoil when she tried to get off prozac. It turned her into a totally different person and caused her to act very impulsive.

I felt an indescribable need to "jump out of my own skin" and run away and kept saying things like "I have to get out of here" and "I can't do this" over and over between sobs and shrieks.

This part especially rings true to me, it's almost word-for-word what my girlfriend said.

 

[Lady Codone]

Thanks for the support! It's nice when people have been through similar situations and have the sense to understand where you're coming from. If I came off as "anti-male" or offended anyone other than who I aimed to offend, I apologize. I reread my trip report, and I guess it DOES make me sound like a more negative person than I realized, but mostly because I didn't explain the details of the situation.

First of all, my girlfriend has had some of the most unfortunate and bizarre on-the-job experiences I've ever had the misfortune of witnessing...things you wouldn't believe. A few that come to mind are getting fired over the phone on her day off without so much as an explanation as to why after working 6 days a week for 6 months for a company whose owners frequently used racial slurs and broke state labor laws; being stalked and threatened by a former employer; dealing with backstabbing co-workers who seemed to just go insane with no warning, and just about anything else you can imagine. Every time something like that happens, it causes serious stress for both of us because we don't know whether we'll be able to make rent or eat. This was the first time that we were able to just relax and focus on things other than job worries, so the news made me feel like we were back at square one and had accomplished nothing.

Secondly, the most recent "breakdown" I had (when she told me about the payroll checks bouncing) was not me being mad at HER, but just being absolutely disheartened and crushed by the situation. This happened for two reasons--#1-this was the first job she's had where they paid a living wage and didn't treat her like dogshit, and #2-because I was so on edge from the Prozac withdrawal. Neither of us saw the situation coming, so it was like, "That's it. No one can be trusted, there's nothing to work for, and what's the point?" We were BOTH upset by it, she just managed to keep her shit together better than I did. There was no violence or even argumentation between the two of us, because what happened wasn't our fault.

As a side note, it's not easy moving across the country right out of college and trying to make it without any help from anyone, especially when you consider that we're two females in a relationship that our families (and half the country) consider "sinful", not to mention that one of us is Black. I'm not looking for sympathy when I say that, but unless you've lived it, you have no idea what it's like. Straight married couples at least have the luxury of shared employer benefits like health insurance, whereas comparatively few companies offer "partner" benefits. We're hardworking, honest people who BOTH have Bachelor's degrees, and it just sucks to graduate from college into the shittiest economic situation the US has seen since the Great Depression in a state where the unemployment rate is 9%. When we moved here she didn't have a job lined up and had to take what she could get, so being choosy was not an option. You'd be surprised what you can put up with when your only other choice is eviction.


And for the dimwit who still won't STFU about what he THINKS he knows about my life, I don't earn "minimum wage", and never have. I was referring to the number of jobs aimed toward women and that only hire women (like many retail stores looking to hire uneducated, timid women that won't protest to working 6-7 days a week and being treated like shit) versus jobs jobs that hire predominantly male employees, pay significantly more, and DON'T treat them like shit or require a college degree (or even a high school diploma). And yes, I have heard of Affirmative Action, but if you think that law is actually enforced by enough jobs in this country to wipe out sex discrimination in the workplace, you should have your head examined.

 

[d3viant]

Sorry to hear about your bad experiences in regards to the treatment of your depression Lady Codone, I've taken prozac but not for the same reason (cyp2d6 inhibition) so I cannot relate to the experience when taken over a long time frame. I do however know how easily docs can just fling you on an SSRI without warning you of any of the adverse effects, and that will always anger me. I'd be interested to hear how you went on the clomipramine and amitryptyline, those anti-cholinergic side effects can be down right nasty in some instances but from people i've known and spoken with who've been through similar scenarios I tend to believe the tricyclic drugs are a much better (first) choice in the treatment of depression.

Anyway, don't listen or even justify people with a response since it's their perception and assumptions about you that appear to be misfounded, not yours. I sincerely hope you improve and wish you all the best.

 

[Xorkoth]

First of all, the sudden insulting of the OP was totally uncalled for. You guys sure read into her situation a lot... I don't recall her saying anything to lead us to believe she didn't work, for example. or that she's a young spoiled girl. All she described was a reaction from the withdrawal of Prozac.

Second of all, antidepressants can completely change a person's personality... didn't you know that? My cousin was on prozac from 16 to 18 and she turned into a complete psycho... she tried to kill herself three times and lashed out at everyone she was close to and was compleytely irrational and hardly even seemed like the same person. Her mom put her on it because she started experimenting with drugs and she thought it meant she was depressed, and once she got off them she was back to normal. I have known a sad number of people who have been changed in disturbing and dramatic ways from SSRIs, and every one of them, if they have gotten off of them, was at their very worst during their taper/withdrawal.

Quit being dicks. Thanks. It's pretty clear you're projecting your own feels onto this trip report, and this isn't the place to do that.

 

[Lady Codone]

Thanks so much for the support! It means a lot, especially right now...

D3viant: I got on the Anafranil for "OCD" symptoms when I was 16. It was one of the first things I was given, along with Risperdal and Luvox, and a drug called "Cogentin", which they only told me was for "side effects"...I later found out it's an anti-Parkinson's drug. I didn't notice any change at all in things like anxiety, depression, "OCD" tendencies or anything else, but I DID notice a dramatic change in my weight and appetite--I gained 50 lbs. in 3 months from the all the sweets. (Later discovered that "cravings for sweets" is a documented side effect of Anafranil). My nose was constantly dry and bloody, and I had tons of other weird effects going on that I won't even mention here. It helped me sleep more deeply at night, which is what the Amytriptiline was prescribed for later. Only took the Elavil for a month and stopped because I saw the weight gain starting again and it wasn't worth it. Quitting the Anafranil was really horrid, but in a different way than quitting SSRIs--nightmares, nausea, semi-hallucinations, and just all-around nasty, bizarre feelings. I remember waking up with a weird taste in my mouth a lot.

I'd like to hear more about others' experiences with these types of meds, good or bad. Thanks again for the kind words!

 

[InTherapy82]

The OP is obviously suffering...no one wants to suffer and even if it seems they bring it on themselves that's a disease itself. No reason to be judgmental.

Since its obvious meds are not for you, have u ever tried exercise, supplements, diet change? I know it's hard and takes a lot more effort than taking a pill but it works the best. It is your only hope.

 

[Lady Codone]

Yeah, I'm pretty health-conscious and follow a healthier diet than most Americans. I also take vitamin/mineral supplements and exercise as often as possible and am always researching health-related stuff, though I could always do more in that area I guess.

I was put on meds at a young age and without an official diagnosis, and don't feel there's anything inherently "wrong" with me when I'm off meds, it's just the withdrawal period that's crazy. Like I mentioned, I don't have suicidal thoughts, outbursts of rage, or random panic reactions either on or off medication, just during that 1-2 month window of time when I'm tapering off them.

I feel like I was prescribed meds for things that all teens go through by someone who didn't know anything about mental illness or psychiatry, and actually like my "undrugged" personality just fine now that I'm an adult and not a crazy, unstable teenager. Thanks for the good advice everyone!

 

[Care]

I find it hard to sympathize with you when your response to a completely un-sexist (albeit rude) post is to rage about how men are all chauvenistic pricks.

Why are you putting yourself through all this agony to loose 30 pounds?

 

[robcypher]

It sounds like the OP needs to cut back on the caffeine intake. Just a hunch.

 

[Beenhead]

If I hear one more fucking rude remark about this girl Im gonna fucking be pissed. Lets calm down and discuss. If you cant just dont reply. If she has problems, she wants help, not asshole responses.

 

[robcypher]

sometimes the truth ain't sweets and candy, my friend. clearly she has some self-reflecting to do.

 

[Lady Codone]

It's all good if people wanna be assholes. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, I guess...maybe if I'd written a trip report about "slamming heroin and nodding out for 2 hours" or ingesting some as-yet unknown research chemical that could possibly cause cancer or instant death, people would be responding more positively.

My thing is, if you can't relate to this specific situation, why open your mouth at all? You just sound like a moron and an ass. I don't want sympathy or pity, I just want people to read the trip report in its entirety and either leave an educated comment or go on about their business--nothing more, nothing less.

Thanks for the support to those intelligent enough to say something positive...to everyone else, Fuck You Very Much.

 

[vortex30]

Hmm...My mom makes more than my dad, and my step dad. Granted my dad doesn't have a good job, but both my mom and step dad have good jobs, she makes more money. She only has a high-school diploma too, haha, just worked really hard ever since then to get to where she is, but what a stupid debate THIS is.

The question is, why did you choose Prozac, over say, exercise and a healthy diet to lose weight? Seems like a pretty dumb idea...

EDIT

Oh, and doctors do tend to under count the withdrawal SSRIs have. My psych and I were trying to come up with medications, and he was pushing the SSRIs on me, but I was very much so against them, and wanted benzodiazepines instead. He tried to convince me that benzos were 'addictive' and SSRIs were not. Bullshit, really, as they both are if used daily, however one of them does not necessarily need to be used daily to be affective. Needless to say, I eventually won the debate, I'm on Clonazepam, and doing pretty well.