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Flirting/dating properly, "the right way" + distinguishing between if they are being friendly or more

stardust10

stardust10

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 5, 2020
Messages
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So my anxiety is crippling at the best of times especially in social situations I've also stopped drinking any booze. I've been kinda wanting to get back out there and try "dating" or just speaking to people and stuff and something happened that got me thinking.
A guy turned up at my neighbours to deliver a parcel and he wasn't in so I took the parcel. Then again tonight he appeared back with another parcel lol. He realized I used to work with him a long long time ago and it clicked then for me. Thing is I got so anxious in the situation and I can't work out if it's because I fancied him the first time he came to the door that made me not be able to talk to him properly I was literally speechless and had to think up something to say which I sounded really boring and depressed because I didn't wanna say what I'd really been up to lol (mainly bored and depressed recently but have done some mad stuff and exciting stuff, there was a time lol) And I still can't believe it's the same person. Anyway I don't think he's in to me even although he was nice enough. I'd have probably put him off a bit even if there was a chance he was into me cause I probably came off as uninterested even as a friend but I was just so taken aback.
Now hypothetically if this were to happen again how would I know he was interested? (Hypothetically because it could be any situation with anyone not specifically him). I am so bad at flirting, I dunno it gives me the fear and I get embarrassed, and equally as bad at picking up on if someone's interested or not. My last relationship was a disaster he latched on to me like a leach from day one. I don't want to fall for that again and have never been in to dating etiquette or even flirting so I don't want to lower my chances of finding someone great.
My one love before who is sadly no longer fully with us, it was just an automatic connection, in person we could feel it, I know I had more confidence back then to show I was interested but he chased me up sent me poems and stuff cause he was literally the best.
TLDR:
Anyways, now I need to get back out there I need help with social etiquette mainly of
1. How to tell if they are flirting/interested and/or uninterested in a romantic way
2. How to flirt back i.e. show I'm interested too (in a tasteful manner)

I know this is basic stuff but it's not for me and I'm 30 year old woman lol.
 
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Well with a lot of guys if you show any interest at all they think you’re flirting so just gotta put yourself out there. Ask him nothing questions, since you used to work together that’s a great starting point. You can talk about the old work place. Anything to keep the conversation going until you find a topic you actually enjoy talking about where things then flow naturally. Ask him how his new job is, what kind of weird people does he run in to, that kinda shit.

Also depends how forward you wanna be. I work construction and remodel and have had women ask me to spend the night “to make it easier, less travel” I’d say that’s pretty forward.

If he makes a joke, laugh at it. That’s another I notice other women doing, it won’t even be funny and they’re over there laughing their ass off.

In the end you just gotta put yourself in a vulnerable situation. Vulnerability is key but can be hard for those who’ve been hurt in the past.

-GC
 
@G_Chem thanks a lot 😀 that actually makes complete sense. Its actually straightforward. Sometimes, in fact all of the time I overcomplicate things lol. And you're spot on bout the vulnerability thing too.
 
If he is attracted to you his pupils will dilate when he looks at you.

Males are generally very visual beings, that's just tens of thousands of years of evolution. Most of our arousal stems from either visual or tonal stimuli.

Give us a smile, give us a cute laugh, lots of eye contact, we eat that shit up.
 
December Flower said:
If he is attracted to you his pupils will dilate when he looks at you.

Males are generally very visual beings, that's just tens of thousands of years of evolution. Most of our arousal stems from either visual or tonal stimuli.

Give us a smile, give us a cute laugh, lots of eye contact, we eat that shit up.
Click to expand...
Yep that’s a part of it and easily changeable in interpretation. We do have minds, and vice versa. The same thing is actually true of women, or any who identify otherwise.
 
iTry91 said:
So my anxiety is crippling at the best of times especially in social situations I've also stopped drinking any booze. I've been kinda wanting to get back out there and try "dating" or just speaking to people and stuff and something happened that got me thinking.
A guy turned up at my neighbours to deliver a parcel and he wasn't in so I took the parcel. Then again tonight he appeared back with another parcel lol. He realized I used to work with him a long long time ago and it clicked then for me. Thing is I got so anxious in the situation and I can't work out if it's because I fancied him the first time he came to the door that made me not be able to talk to him properly I was literally speechless and had to think up something to say which I sounded really boring and depressed because I didn't wanna say what I'd really been up to lol (mainly bored and depressed recently but have done some mad stuff and exciting stuff, there was a time lol) And I still can't believe it's the same person. Anyway I don't think he's in to me even although he was nice enough. I'd have probably put him off a bit even if there was a chance he was into me cause I probably came off as uninterested even as a friend but I was just so taken aback.
Now hypothetically if this were to happen again how would I know he was interested? (Hypothetically because it could be any situation with anyone not specifically him). I am so bad at flirting, I dunno it gives me the fear and I get embarrassed, and equally as bad at picking up on if someone's interested or not. My last relationship was a disaster he latched on to me like a leach from day one. I don't want to fall for that again and have never been in to dating etiquette or even flirting so I don't want to lower my chances of finding someone great.
My one love before who is sadly no longer fully with us, it was just an automatic connection, in person we could feel it, I know I had more confidence back then to show I was interested but he chased me up sent me poems and stuff cause he was literally the best.
TLDR:
Anyways, now I need to get back out there I need help with social etiquette mainly of
1. How to tell if they are flirting/interested and/or uninterested in a romantic way
2. How to flirt back i.e. show I'm interested too (in a tasteful manner)

I know this is basic stuff but it's not for me and I'm 30 year old woman lol.
Click to expand...
Look what I'm trying as a way of teaching myself how to flirt is to go on discord start up a friendship and...

Oh shit your a woman. Yea just ask him out for dinner and say that you are interested in a relationship. Guys aren't that complicated and they tend to be straight forward.
 
Thanks for all advice. I know most men aren't complicated when it comes to sex and stuff.
I think It seems like I naturally flirt and don't realise it when I'm nervous cause I'm a bit of a nervous laugher and I actively practice smiling and eye contact with people (both m and f) so as to not appear uninterested, unfriendly or distant. It's a conscious effort all the time. In fact it's an effort not to get distracted constantly my mind wonders lol.
But if the opportunity arises in the future I'll make sure to ask them questions about normal stuff and just try keeping the conversation flowing and give them a look... hopefully not a crazy look and more of a take me right now look or is that too much? 😂 something along those lines anyway and also just ask them, be confident and not afraid of getting rejected.
I've never done online dating but I'm genuinely considering giving it a bash
 
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If they use the word "so", ask your name, reinitiate conversation after ther'es a pause. It's an indicator of interest, or IOI. Generally it works both ways, but when a guy says something off color like "your nose wiggles when you talk, it's so quaint" it's a Neg hit, or just backhanded compliment.

If the guys plows, it's not a good one. Or is generally a 'nice guy' stay away from these. The nice guy we call AFC or average frustrated chump. Typically too shy to open a set or start conversation. Timing is everything.
 
iTry91 said:
Thanks for all advice. I know most men aren't complicated when it comes to sex and stuff.
I think It seems like I naturally flirt and don't realise it when I'm nervous cause I'm a bit of a nervous laugher and I actively practice smiling and eye contact with people (both m and f) so as to not appear uninterested, unfriendly or distant. It's a conscious effort all the time. In fact it's an effort not to get distracted constantly my mind wonders lol.
But if the opportunity arises in the future I'll make sure to ask them questions about normal stuff and just try keeping the conversation flowing and give them a look... hopefully not a crazy look and more of a take me right now look or is that too much? 😂 something along those lines anyway and also just ask them, be confident and not afraid of getting rejected.
I've never done online dating but I'm genuinely considering giving it a bash
Click to expand...
good luck
 
ions said:
If they use the word "so", ask your name, reinitiate conversation after ther'es a pause. It's an indicator of interest, or IOI. Generally it works both ways, but when a guy says something off color like "your nose wiggles when you talk, it's so quaint" it's a Neg hit, or just backhanded compliment.

If the guys plows, it's not a good one. Or is generally a 'nice guy' stay away from these. The nice guy we call AFC or average frustrated chump. Typically too shy to open a set or start conversation. Timing is everything.
Click to expand...
That’s fucking funny. Just asking and answering and rejection is so crucial and so much more likely to end in rejection, if you don’t reject yourself first. Or whatever. It makes sense.
 
Outlier said:
I don’t know. Love is very different. It’s a protector.
Click to expand...
Sure. But it doesn't simply go smile -> wink -> love. We're talking early stages of connection between people. That's all flirting and interpreting those initial cues really is.

Smile sparks interest sparks connection sparks a whole loada (hopefully awesome) stuff in between sparks love.

Did I just crack the code? If only it was that simple.
 
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