Five months clean.

[max_]

I've been clean for five months. Before that I had been staying off the coke and weed for over two years but I always cam back from time to time. This time is for real, I am building a life and a career. I have a girl and I'm in school.
Last night I had an argument with this girl (whom I've met after I got clean) and I really really wanted to do coke. I don't even get cravings anymore but last night was like if I never had quote. I mean I was playing heavy metal songs and my heart was racing and my hands were cold just as if I was about to go out and meet the guy.
I went out with friends, got really really drunk on wine and beer and today I am my old new self and I don't plan on taking any drugs - ever.
Any thoughts? Maybe someone who can relate to this?

 

[herbavore]

It sounds like you went back to what you knew (not coke but alcohol) when things got emotionally hard. That is a pretty understandable reaction when that is what you are used to. It sounds like you woke up with renewed determination so maybe it was a step you had to take.

I think the absolute best thing you can do to stay healthy is to work on your reactions to fear--whether it is an argument with someone you love, a failing class, lost job--whatever is causing hardship. If you can develop ways to cope that are neither numbing or distracting, coping strategies that help you actually grow through a crisis, life is just so much easier.

Glad you woke up with resolve and I hope you work things out with your girl.

 

[T. Calderone]

Yes I think it's pretty common to have thoughts of relapsing after a confrontation or any negative experience for that matter. So you didn't take your drug of choice and that's good. But you did get drunk which in my opinion puts you at risk. You can't prevent conflicts from happening but knowing these situations are triggering, you can try to have a plan in place for if it happens again.

 

[ad lib]

I've been clean for five months. Before that I had been staying off the coke and weed for over two years but I always cam back from time to time. This time is for real, I am building a life and a career. I have a girl and I'm in school.
Last night I had an argument with this girl (whom I've met after I got clean) and I really really wanted to do coke. I don't even get cravings anymore but last night was like if I never had quote. I mean I was playing heavy metal songs and my heart was racing and my hands were cold just as if I was about to go out and meet the guy.
I went out with friends, got really really drunk on wine and beer and today I am my old new self and I don't plan on taking any drugs - ever.
Any thoughts? Maybe someone who can relate to this?

I can relate for sure.

I have been off IV opiates for almost one year now. I recently relapsed on oral opiates but that's a different story. Anyway, I get triggered and want to revert back to my old ways very easily. I recently had a run in with an ex, and it was SO HARD to resist sticking a needle into my arm and going into my secret world that makes me happy and that I created all for myself. In my opinion it's the addict mentality and just reverting back to what we know. We use(d) as an escape, as a way out. Happy- use, sad- use, depressed- use extra, etc. Perhaps in the past you've been in a similar situation which caused you to use, and this is why it brought back those feelings for you.