First time posting. Looking for insight

[Spiritpancakes]

Well I come on here to find out if I should get back on medication. In past was on adderall, benzos, anti-depressants and smoked weed occasionally and that was about it. Due to an unhealthy living arrangement I had to move abruptly a few years back. Unfortunately at the time I was strapped for cash and moved into a place that was strict on no narcotics. In retrospect I.would have never moved in there if I knew how dysfunctional the whole.
thing would become. Well this didn't work to great for me but I eventually got off of all narcoatics(prescribed to me) and did things their way. I wish I could have avoided the place all together bc coming off meds and the craziness of the place was just too insane. People where on drug court there and all kinds of mental illness. Some even committed suicide there. I eventually moved on and now have a place where no ones telling me what I can and can't do. I thought for awhile maybe the entire sober thing is good. But without meds life is getting a bit much. Overly stressed at times and need shit loads of caffine to operate. I exercise and everything but feel like my untreated adhd is causing issues. Thinkkng is all over the place. if If I do a bunch of cardio I'm fine but without that my thinking is all over. Trouble getting going in the morning. Frustrated that it all seemed like a giant waste of time just to rack up insurance money. I feel like sober, is cool but not getting the job done. Never a hard core user. Just on the fence bc I been off awhile now. I made an appointment with doctor for next month. Since its been awhile I'm not thinking managing will be any problem. Just add meds really. Not sure how slippery a slope benzos are after reading others posts. I think the problem was always where I was living. I mean the person I was living with turns out is a pyschopath(father). Let's just say it was alot of mental abuse. I don't feel depressed in any way. Just looking for answers bc the way I'm operating seems counterproductive and I'm not looking for work. My current place has its issues but at least I'm not being monitored or some shit. What does everyone think thanks.

 

[F.U.B.A.R.]

Hi Spiritpancakes, welcome to Bluelight!

However, your post is a little confusing and cannot be narrowed down to a specific question.

Perhaps if you could elucidate we may be able to advise a little better?

Cheers. !

 

[T. Calderone]

Hi Spirit, I have a couple questions for you so that we might be able to help you better. Are you currently staying at a sober living house? If so, do they not permit you to take medications as prescribed? How about counseling? A lot of times, they can help you in conjunction with your doctor to decide if you would benefit from certain meds.

I think this thread may be better suited for the Dark Side or Sober & Healthy Living but will wait for your response.

 

[Spiritpancakes]

No it is not sober living. It's my own place. Like I posted I had lived in a place like that but was only due to financial circumstances. I think I clearly stated that in the OP. That it wasn't ideal or needed for me to be sober. People there were on drug court so mostly it was a court thing for the other guests. So for the safety of other folks living there in court getting random they where strict. Why they accepted me there who wasn't in court, no clue. I was unaware of the severity of the place on rules until I moved in. But I live on my own now.

 

[Spiritpancakes]

Thoughts on going back on adderall after struggling a bit now.

 

[Suicide_leopard300]

This is probably off topic Idk, but I made an appointment with a psych it's on my birthday march 8, 13 months ago I've been clean off klonopin 3mg a day, I was on them 2.5 years. Now I'm off that, I'm currently on suboxone and gabapentin and other stuff. I feel the need to get and stay high. The stuff I'm on pooped out, I still have "real" panic attacks, what can I do? I'm going to try and get on some kinda benzo, I have fucked up panic attacks 3-4 times a week, at first I thought I was paranoid, or crazy.... I need to be on some kind of benzo, preferably xanax, fast acting shit, along with a good psych med. What I'm really saying is I might commit Suicide, I can't deal with having these paranoid panic attacks, and depression, I'm currently trying gabapentin now to get a good recreational feeling, other than that I'm contemplating suicide, and I really want to die, I don't see anything for me, please pray for me that I get back on a good/effective medication on march, 8. which is on my birthday. for now I'm losing it, and thinking of suicide or just walk into on coming traffic, or death by cop. I know I sound crazy, but I'm venting.

 

[Spiritpancakes]

Be you live free. Fuck all this fear mongering control nonsense. I was in a better place before I tried to do without. I'm getting what's going to help me stay sane and survive. Not trying to get dementia from all this stress on me. Not having something to help is clearly backfiring. I'm not going to risk some brain dementia down the line for fear of addiction. It just isn't worth it. We both have appointments in march. We will be good by then.