First time posting in TDS

[GABAking]

I know bringing questions like these to the internet isn't the best option, but I really am at a loss. Dunno who I feel comfortable with talking to about this :/

I've been battling an opiate addiction the last 3 years or so. I'm not dependent, nor have I ever been (can go weeks without them; it's always because I run out of money or my dealer goes dry, not b/c I voluntarily do so). I started on original OC 80s, graduated to Opana 40s, and now basically will do any opiate I can get my hands on (lately it's been H due to all the changes to make medicine abuse proof). I'm 21 years old.

I've recently been toying with the needle. I keep on saying that as long as I space things out, I'll be OK and not get addicted. Blah blah blah I feel I'm being too idealistic. Here lies my question, and I would really enjoy straight answers: Am I kidding myself? Do you have any personal stories about how the needle changed you/your habits? I've probably shot up about 10 times thus far and have been able to keep things under control...but that's only 10 times.

Thanks guys. I would go to my friends and family, but I'm honestly ashamed. They all know I snort opiates/any drug really, but there's something so negative about the needle that I'm too embarrassed to share

 

[dogsoldier]

In my opinion..from personal experience, 6 years of shooting up.. Meth not H.
Yea your kidding yourself.
The needle is the worst thing id ever done. If i could take it back i would in a heartbeat.
Be smart. Stop now before its to late.

 

[badfish45]

I suggest you stay away from the needle. You aren't going to miss something if you haven't tried it before. I won't sit here and tell you to not shoot up heroin, or that you're going to get addicted if you do, but you might maintain a recreational needle usage for a while, but how confident are you in yourself that you're not going to start to slip up? It's very easy to one day decide to use again right after you come down and before you know it you get yourself lost in a cycle. You know yourself better than your family and friends do also, but the needle is a deceptive thing, and you might find that you're telling yourself that you aren't addicted or have a problem right when you're in the heart of it. There's a whole array of possibilities coming from this, so you need to be smart enough to decide for yourself. Just make sure you know the dead end that you could potentially be going down.

 

[Libby]

I've injected meth before but not heroin.If heroin was readily availably in New Zealand I think I would be shooting that stuff right now. I can't fucking find any, it's probably for the best. I've heard that you can become addicted to heroin within a week of regular use, which implies if you never use regularly you mightn't become addicted.

I would make a rule if it were me. Something like I may have 2 hits and then I cannot have anything for a month, then if it's been longer than a month, I can allow myself 2 hits... etc... whatever rule I made, I would make it an unbreakable stone, one that comes with a promise to myself that if I find myself breaking this rule I get addiction therapy. Maybe that's kidding oneself, I dunno, I can't get any H so I can't test it out. They did play this documentary on TV the other day called "Mum, Heroin and Me" it was pretty sad, wouldn't want something like that to happen...

 

[herbavore]

Don't start with the needle. There are countless posts on BL to support that. Why go there when you still have a choice? The needle itself can become an addiction.

 

[stardust.hero]

Libby, heroin is the most sticky addiction I have ever had. It is so hard to shake off even after months and months and months. It takes time to actually enjoy heroin. It reminds me a lot of cigarettes and how when you begin smoking socially with friends you don't actually like the smoke and you kind of fell ill from it right after you smoke. Then as time goes by you no longer get sick from it. Same thing with heroin I've noticed. Heroin, or any serious opiate for that matter usually doesn't even feel good on the first couple trys. You get horribly ill, nauseous, head spins, disoriented. Then you keep doing it until you no longer are sick from it.

I would imagine weekend warriors with opiates will develop a tolerance as well eventually even if it is spaced out (IE: no longer getting negative effects from the drug) and that's when the hook gets implanted. Heroin is not a recreational drug IMO.

As for the needle that in itself becomes an addiction. The process of preparing the needle and the act of shooting up becomes a very addictive ritual. Now you have two things to acquire when you are trying to get high. A needle and the drug and don't kid yourself for a second, you will never snort your DOC ever again. So you will be a slave to two things now. The needle isn't to be played with. Heed warning.

 

[Libby]

Ohh... well I've done this imitation stuff once, made from something called greys, like homebake I think. I didn't have really enough though because I didn't know how much would be too much so played a bit safe. But anyway it was quite enjoyable, I did puke, but it didn't bother me, it was just a minor inconvenience to have to lean out the window mid convo. I just figured heroin would be the same but alot better. I dunno, like I said it's probably for the best I can't get any.

 

[n3ophy7e]

^^ There's a name I haven't seen around here in a while. I hope you're well hun, I think about you often

I've recently been toying with the needle. I keep on saying that as long as I space things out, I'll be OK and not get addicted. Blah blah blah I feel I'm being too idealistic. Here lies my question, and I would really enjoy straight answers: Am I kidding myself? Do you have any personal stories about how the needle changed you/your habits? I've probably shot up about 10 times thus far and have been able to keep things under control...but that's only 10 times.

Thanks guys. I would go to my friends and family, but I'm honestly ashamed. They all know I snort opiates/any drug really, but there's something so negative about the needle that I'm too embarrassed to share

Firstly, it's really great you've posted in here for support. That is a great first step. Have you got any friends or relatives you can talk to about this? I think the more support you have, the better.
As others have said, yes you are kidding yourself when it comes to your justification of needle use. Using needles is a VERY slippery slope and it's very hard to stay in control for a prolonged period of time. I would agree with those that have said you should stop using needles, and focus on trying to quit opiates. Having to overcome essentially TWO addictions (opiates and the needle) is going to be infinitely more difficult than just quitting the drugs. You've got a head-start in that you're aware of what is going on with you, and you're aware that it's not right and that you need to do something about this. Use that to your advantage and quit before you get too much deeper. I sincerely wish you all the best, please keep us updated with how you're going. Take care

 

[Libby]

Aww *Huuuugggzzz*