First time in Bluelight in almost 2 decades! May as well be new lol. Just wanted to share my story <3 It's kinda long but I love to write!

[TMoney11111]

Yooo what's up Bluelight users! I have not been active on here in a very very long time. Just wanted to say hi and share my journey. I really like just hearing about other peoples past with using and getting clean etc, so I hope others like this too. I was one of many in the 2000s who was all about Bluelight and Erowid and spent a lot of time reading and fantasizing about trying all the crazy drugs out there. It was an amazing time, compared to now.... there was no fentanyl randomly showing up in everything killing people, where I lived I'd never seen a single counterfeit pill in my life back in those days! Salvia was legal, The 2C drugs and Ecstacy were new and hyped and generally seemed safe in those days, robo tripping on DXM was a fad, weed was illegal but in my opinion, more enjoyable back then.... doctors freely prescribed opioids without the fear mongering of the 'epidemic' and all that.... there was a wide variety of brands, generics, and types of every single prescription drug. I feel like we really did have it great back then compared to the way things are now.

Now let me take you all on a journey. My drug journey. It's early 2002, I'm a freshman in high school, about to turn 15, and I was prescribed adderall, formerly ritalin. But I wasn't taking either anymore. I had a dozen bottles saved up... and one day I realized 'hey people get high on this stuff!' So I started trading them for weed! This was how I got into marijuana, and drugs in general in those days. Over the next 2 years I wanted to try as much as I could, but it was hard to get my hands on anything special. However I was fortunate to be able to try Mescaline, MDMA, and Mushrooms between 10th and 11th grade! DXM aka robo tripping became really popular in those days, and fortunately for me, I wasn't a moron that used the CCC Coricidin stuff with a bunch of other harmful chemicals besides Dextromethorphan. Instead I would get the 8 hour Robitussen Gel Caps, pop 600mg worth, and enjoy a very long journey that could be felt still even 24 hours later. This was kind of my drug of choice during this time, that and alcohol.

At about the age of 17, I made a new discovery that would shape my entire future. Now I was a big drinker, hell I was in teen rehabs twice before I was 18 just for drinkin and the DXM. Imagine being 17 and you're in AA already..... Going to school high or drunk on a regular basis will do that. Had been expelled Junior year and switched schools (I did graduate though and went to college bla bla bla) But I already knew at 17 I needed to switch it up. Fortunately my father was a dentist, and so was his father. In those days, even just 20 years ago, as I said before, opioids were used much more freely. My dad would always bring home little packets of 5mg yellow valiums and 5/500 or 7.5/750 Vicodins. For whatever reason I would take them frequently and never once did he say anything, he was a non confrontational guy. He would hide them, and even got a safe eventually but, hey I learned the combination.... that only made it easier. The valiums were fun but, Hydrocodone quickly became my life.

Later that year I met a friend whos grandma was terminally ill and literally had truckloads of pills. I was constantly buying dozens of Tylenol 3's, Flexeril, Valium, and Vicodins. I wasn't truly addicted yet, these were my fun years! No tolerance, no withdrawals, just did them when I wanted! I think I'm the only Opioid user who basically used Hydrocodone forever and never really got a big tolerance or anything. Yeah I later added oxycodone and I'd do morphine or hydromorphone occasionally but, more because it was cheaper per dose or all I could find. I went years without ever really having withdrawals, never had a job, I never sold drugs, I simply leeched off of my abusive yet wealthy father and spent $50 a day on drugs at some points simply by stealing from him, and it took years to get caught. My mixture of choice became mixing hydrocodone with oxycodone, caffiene, and smoking weed on it. Would just be high all day every day for years! I quit alcohol completely by my 19th birthday, because i just loved the opioids so much and I was afraid to hurt my liver mixing them, and tired of the hangovers and negative feelings. Still havent drank alcohol since I was 19 almost 20 years ago lmao.

I eventually met an african american guy from, lets just say a famous 'ghetto' type city, and he became my personal dealer. I'd give him rides, bring him beer and food, he'd supply me with everything I needed and throw in extra. Imagine your drug dealer is also your best friend, somehow I constantly pulled that off because I just was a likeable guy I guess. Never got in fights, never got robbed, nothing. It sucks to admit but, my drug using days really were the best of my life. I was a god, a king, had the women, money, power, felt like Scarface lmao. Eventually got caught by my family, went to rehab, real rehab twice, got on suboxone, and that again changed my life. Rehab was 1 of the funnest times of my entire life, in 2010 met a girlfriend the 2nd time and a bunch of friends, if you've never been to a high quality rehab, it's expensive but, holy shitballs it was like a Suboxone vacation! And that sure as hell got me high lmao. That plus marijuana and sex became my new addiction. I'd stay on subs for a year or 2, then to pills for a year or so, and swap back and forth.

Eventually by 2014, I finally hit my rock bottom. My best friend died of a heroin overdose. Then another. Then another. I wasn't using H but, by then even I had tried it and snorted it due to not finding anything else for a few days. All 3 of the others in the car with me that day died around the age of 30 to it. That was my wake up call. Went to rehab 1 last time, came out, relapsed again, got caught with 12 pills, first time ever having an arrest, then probation for 9 months, got off, did it for 4-5 more months, and on Jan 1st 2016, I made a stupid new years resolution and actually stuck to it. I got clean from pills! Yes I was on Suboxone for 2.5 years, and I smoked weed for a long time too. But even weed i quit on Jan 1 2022! I'm just a boring sober guy now. Missing the past. Wondering if I should go back. Wondering why can't I have fun and get high like everyone else.................................. I'll end this story here.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. But, I can honestly say that back then, Bluelight helped me a lot. I learned cold water extraction for one thing, learned things about suboxone and tapering, how to properly measure doses for mixing and how to manage tolerance with micro-incremental dose increasing. I'd love to be able to share these things with other people, and maybe help other people be safe, or even get clean or stay clean, or hell, relapse safely if that's what your goal is. No judgements, we all have free will to use or not use and none of us are 'bad people' because we decide to use any substance! Much love to you all and thank you very much for anyone who read my little summarization story. I coulda written a whole 50 more paragraphs haha but, I wont. Writing helps me get through tough times though so, maybe Ill share more in the future

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Hi I'm M!$TER-ED nice to hear from you, I really enjoyed reading your introduction, talented writer. I too enjoy reading people's life-long journey using and experimenting with drugs. I think most everyone who has used drugs share a common kinship with other users even if the drugs used are different.
I did not go down the path of opioids, alcohol or downers of any kind, my choices were hallucinogens/psychedelic drugs from the 1970s. Like you, during the years 2000, the 70s was my time to live full on without hesitation. However, as with all good things in life, mine took a turn for the worse. I was smoking a ton of weed, scraping THC from tinfoil, binging on MDA for weeks at a time, got into IV'ing MDA and loving the feeling of a needle going into my veins, LSD, mescaline, hasheesh and every kind of pill I could put my hands just to see how it affected me.
Finally, my brain couldn't take anymore and I went into long-term psychosis. By this time, my brain cannot be trusted to deliver accurate information to function properly. I was lost inside my head, playing games with myself and the strange world I lived in. Nothing made any sense except for music. That's what saved me, music was the only thing I could relate to. Making simple decisions were difficult, because I knew if I made the wrong decision something catastrophic would happen.. if I chose to sit on the couch and I was supposed to sit on the chair, all hell would break loose. Same at mealtimes, choosing to drink or eat out of time I feared horrible things would happen. Welcome to my madness.

Yet still, the years before going insane were the best years of my life and I don't regret a moment of living. There is often a price we pay for using drugs and I think having that in common along with our decision to use drugs in the first place makes us family in a weird sort of way.

 

[TMoney11111]

Hi I'm M!$TER-ED nice to hear from you, I really enjoyed reading your introduction, talented writer. I too enjoy reading people's life-long journey using and experimenting with drugs. I think most everyone who has used drugs share a common kinship with other users even if the drugs used are different.
I did not go down the path of opioids, alcohol or downers of any kind, my choices were hallucinogens/psychedelic drugs from the 1970s. Like you, during the years 2000, the 70s was my time to live full on without hesitation. However, as with all good things in life, mine took a turn for the worse. I was smoking a ton of weed, scraping THC from tinfoil, binging on MDA for weeks at a time, got into IV'ing MDA and loving the feeling of a needle going into my veins, LSD, mescaline, hasheesh and every kind of pill I could put my hands just to see how it affected me.
Finally, my brain couldn't take anymore and I went into long-term psychosis. By this time, my brain cannot be trusted to deliver accurate information to function properly. I was lost inside my head, playing games with myself and the strange world I lived in. Nothing made any sense except for music. That's what saved me, music was the only thing I could relate to. Making simple decisions were difficult, because I knew if I made the wrong decision something catastrophic would happen.. if I chose to sit on the couch and I was supposed to sit on the chair, all hell would break loose. Same at mealtimes, choosing to drink or eat out of time I feared horrible things would happen. Welcome to my madness.

Yet still, the years before going insane were the best years of my life and I don't regret a moment of living. There is often a price we pay for using drugs and I think having that in common along with our decision to use drugs in the first place makes us family in a weird sort of way.

Hey thank you for reading my story and sharing yourself! Yeah using for sure has a long term effect on everyone differently. Overusing anything tends to have the worst effect! From my knowledge, overusing hallucinogens is probably the most risky as far as mental things are concerned. MDA MDMA also due to their effects on serotonin can for sure totally change and mess up someones brain in so many ways. Ive seen it with multiple people in my own life. I can't imagine having what you went though! I've developed PTSD OCD Anxiety and other things over the years on this earth, and drugs for sure helped numb those things, and it became hard to cope without them. I definitely know what its like to have like a meltdown over something small simply due to something being a little off, like putting my favorite shirt on and then getting a stain on it, and then washing it, changing shirts, then trying 3 other shirts on and none feeling right the whole rest of the day. Stuff like that, little annoyng OCD type things happened after I got sober finally.