I'm only replying to this 2+ year old thread to give a final resolution to this long and crazy story. This thread is the first result for "2ci psychosis" and a host of other related search terms and I've had lots of PMs regarding this thread so I feel like it will help other people in the long term. Please don't consider it gravedigging. Another reason for making this post is to express my immense gratitude for the posters who mentioned using 4-HO-MET as the stepping stone to get back into the psychedelic realm in a safe and easy way.
In the years since doing 2C-I (and 2C-E shortly after,) I've come to discover that I actually experienced the full and literal effects of
PTSD from this trip (which I attribute to not expecting or wanting a life changing psychedelic experience paired with an almost datura of level delirium brought out by the diphenhydramine) which resulted in most of the trip being blocked from my conscious memory as it was too traumatic and difficult to integrate into reality. I did 2C-I at the worst possible time of my life, I was under a level of stress that I didn't even remotely comprehend and therefore my mindset at the time was setting me up for a miserable and unbelievably difficult experience. I was
extremely careless and disrespectful with regards to the immense power of psychedelics and especially this chemical and entered into a territory that I had no place being in, however the lessons that I gained from it have shaped me into the best person that I could ever imagine being and eventually shaped my reality into everything that I ever wanted. This is not to say that I feel that my current situation in life is where I will remain forever, but rather that I have grown enough emotionally using the lessons I learned that anything can be thrown at me and I'll be able to remain happy no matter the changes or hardships that are thrown my way.
My motives for doing 2C-I in the first place were purely guided by hedonism and I attempted to self medicate every day since to remain what I believed to be sane and content but they were still ultimately being driven by hedonism and a desire to escape reality. I drank way too much, I did methylone weekly for over a year, over $10,000 worth of hydromorphone, 6-APB, 5-APB, 4MEC, DXM, MXE, K, 4-HO-MET, the laundry list is just insane and it's a miracle I'm still alive with only mild SERT damage and 3 years of my life wasted as a consequence. Throughout all of this drug use, I would always hit a wall with every substance that brought me back to wanting to finish this 2C-I trip but I was always too afraid to go back to it and face those demons again. It was as if all roads led to the same place, but I didn't want to go to the final destination so I would just pick a different road and start all over again to repeat the process. I've come to learn and understand that most recreational drugs are just a mirror of yourself and a crutch, it literally doesn't matter what you choose to take or your reasoning for doing so as they all accomplish the same goal. I am not trying to imply that drugs are bad (that's the farthest thing from the truth) and a point of view like that is just useless, judgmental and ignorant. If I were to say that all of this time was wasted and all of the damages that these drugs caused were just the fault of the drugs, it just passes the blame off to an inanimate chemical that has no consciousness or personality. 2CI did not force me to consume it, I made the decision to do so. The same applies for every other drug and anything anyone does in life for that matter.
Starting exactly around this time last year I replaced an empathogen/entactogen addiction with a dissociative addiction but I did so this time with a scientific mindset rather than that of a hedonistic one, mainly because my serotonin receptors had become so damaged that I lost the magic and euphoria that anything would give me. I read everything I could on pharmokinetics of the substances I was taking as well as the metaphysical aspects and began to spend all of my free time trying to learn everything I could about them. I read dozens of books and watched countless documentaries about dissociatives and how they work and unintentionally stumbled upon the easiest road to face my 2C-I trip again. I've become extremely confident in the field of neuroscience and how the brain works and started to realize that the brain can simply be explained as a system of separate biocomputers running various computations at all times in order to form what we see as reality. The conscious sober state we live in is just a dumbed down simplified compilation of all of the memories we've built and sensory inputs that we receive, psychedelics just break down the filter to the subconscious which can be seen as the supercomputer that knows everything and does everything but is too complex for us to be aware of and still function normally in reality. Heavy dissociative use over the course of a year brought me back to the same road that every other drug brought me but this time I felt like I had the tools to finally go back and get a chance to understand what the qualitative comments of 2C-E meant in PIHKAL ( "
Several people have said, about 2C-E, "I don't think I like it, since it isn't that much fun. But I intend to explore it again." There is something here that will reward the experimenter. Someday, the full character of 2C-E will be understood, but for the moment, let it rest as being a difficult and worth-while material. A very much worth-while material." ) Just a few months ago I ventured back into the once terrifying psychedelic realm slowly and protectively with 4-HO-MET and instead of ignoring what it was trying to tell me I just listened to it and let it work it's magic. I changed my circle of friends, changed my lifestyle, traveled the country and met friends, and integrated everything from the subconscious psychedelic state into my everyday life.
Just a few weeks ago I did 2C-E and 2C-I again to finally discover what it was trying to teach me and nothing happened. There were no trippy visuals, there were no wolves behind everything I couldn't see ready to jump out and drag me into hell, there were no 'time gods' trying to punish me for stepping in a territory I didn't belong in, no fractals when I closed my eyes and covering everything I looked at, and no fear or paranoia whatsoever. I remained grounded in reality, had a much needed
psychotic break which was only brought out by a lack of sleep which I did intentionally, and finished my trip. I've now gone over a week without doing anything (as every drug has literally stopped working on me, even psychedelics in heroic dosages) and returned to a state before I even touched 2C-I at all, only now all of the emotional baggage that my subconscious has been burdened with for my entire life has been cleaned and properly integrated.
For anyone who ends up finding this thread after a difficult experience from 2C-I, 2C-E, or any psychedelic for that matter.. be eternally grateful that you've been given a gift that most people will never be given and work at it, don't become bitter or blame yourself or the drug for anything you might have considered negative. Be patient, be mindful, be respectful to your brain and the powers of such chemicals, and know that there are no bad trips, only difficult ones. If anyone wants help, I will respond to PMs on this forum for the rest of my life.
