AwakeningCT
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jul 30, 2015
- Messages
- 16
A little background info about myself. I'm 22 y.o. and have always been interested in drinking/abusing substances. Usually it was whatever was around. I can say that personally I am more drawn towards downers like alcohol and xanax. I have smoked marijuana regularly for about 5 years. Once I got to be a junior in high school I began drinking regularly. As far as I can tell I have always been the one thats the most messed up whether we're drinking or what have you.
Once I got to college my drinking and drug use sky rocketed. Loads of alcohol, marijuana, adderall, occasional opiates (heroin once), cocaine, "molly", dxm. Pretty much have dabbled in everything. However, I began to notice about 1-2 years ago that I was drinking way to much. Drinking alone, always blacking out etc. At the start of my junior year in college (fall 2014) I noticed I was isolating myself, frequently driving drunk, basically I knew I needed to stop ASAP. When I drank i'd drink 100 proof till I black out, pass out, and probably piss my bed. Embarasing, I know. and when I tried to stop I experienced the withdrawals. Being a nursing student, this startled me. My parents eventually caught wind and I came home. I went through detox, seeing a counselor and the works. Eventually I found myself swapping the alcohol for xanax. big mistake. My lack of control with xanax bars (not prescribed) is insane. Although I have used many drugs a lot more, I must say I love xanax. But I also know it is not a drug I cannot take. Several blackouts have landed me in detox for a second time along with other severe ramifications that often come with xanax abuse.
Basically I am at a point where I know I can't use drugs and alcohol and live a long and successful life. I am happy I have come to this realization at just 22 years old. However it is/has been very difficult. Not many young adults my age are sober. At this point I am taking a break in my schooling . I withdrew from nursing school towards the end of my junior year (I'm a guy). Forunately, I have somehow managed to maintain solid grades through most of this (*cough* adderall *cough*) and having a decent head/brain on my shoulders (I like to think). So I can return once I sort this out. I have 100% support from family but they are very very very worried and have been forcing me into programs like AA where I feel like a total outcast.
All in all, I do know that sobriety is best. Being very self-aware I know how much I love using drugs and being fucked up. This is where I differ from others, this is the "addict" and this is what I want to change! I do not have any mental diagnosis, although I was carelessly thrown on a variety of pills post detox. But when I am at baseline I do not consider myself to be particularly depressed or anything. Perhaps a little anxious in social settings and a bit shy (possible explanation for attraction towards downers??) However, I'd rather live with that than being dependent on alcohol or any benzo. At this point the biggest risks for me are using alcohol, xanax, weed. However, I do find myself craving just about everything. But my current situation at home and such is most likely the main thing keeping me sober. I would like to think that I'd be staying sober if I was on my own. But deep down I do not think that would be the case
. I do not have trouble stringing together multiple weeks/months of sobriety but I need advice I guess on how to enjoy sober living.? How to keep a craving for any "high" go away? I have always sought to be under the influence of something. I am also basically told by all professionals and ppl. at AA that I am an alcoholic and can never touch alcohol. Is this true? What about pot? I know it would be best because i have veryyy little self control with any substance. It's just a hard situation being at such a pivotal point in my life, putting my college education on hold when I was so close to being done, and having such overly concerned parents.
Just looking for any advice, hints, links, book references ANYTHING. I'm not in a acute situation where I struggle day to day to stay sober, but I know myself, my addictive/lack of control personality and the likes. Thanks in advance!
Once I got to college my drinking and drug use sky rocketed. Loads of alcohol, marijuana, adderall, occasional opiates (heroin once), cocaine, "molly", dxm. Pretty much have dabbled in everything. However, I began to notice about 1-2 years ago that I was drinking way to much. Drinking alone, always blacking out etc. At the start of my junior year in college (fall 2014) I noticed I was isolating myself, frequently driving drunk, basically I knew I needed to stop ASAP. When I drank i'd drink 100 proof till I black out, pass out, and probably piss my bed. Embarasing, I know. and when I tried to stop I experienced the withdrawals. Being a nursing student, this startled me. My parents eventually caught wind and I came home. I went through detox, seeing a counselor and the works. Eventually I found myself swapping the alcohol for xanax. big mistake. My lack of control with xanax bars (not prescribed) is insane. Although I have used many drugs a lot more, I must say I love xanax. But I also know it is not a drug I cannot take. Several blackouts have landed me in detox for a second time along with other severe ramifications that often come with xanax abuse.
Basically I am at a point where I know I can't use drugs and alcohol and live a long and successful life. I am happy I have come to this realization at just 22 years old. However it is/has been very difficult. Not many young adults my age are sober. At this point I am taking a break in my schooling . I withdrew from nursing school towards the end of my junior year (I'm a guy). Forunately, I have somehow managed to maintain solid grades through most of this (*cough* adderall *cough*) and having a decent head/brain on my shoulders (I like to think). So I can return once I sort this out. I have 100% support from family but they are very very very worried and have been forcing me into programs like AA where I feel like a total outcast.
All in all, I do know that sobriety is best. Being very self-aware I know how much I love using drugs and being fucked up. This is where I differ from others, this is the "addict" and this is what I want to change! I do not have any mental diagnosis, although I was carelessly thrown on a variety of pills post detox. But when I am at baseline I do not consider myself to be particularly depressed or anything. Perhaps a little anxious in social settings and a bit shy (possible explanation for attraction towards downers??) However, I'd rather live with that than being dependent on alcohol or any benzo. At this point the biggest risks for me are using alcohol, xanax, weed. However, I do find myself craving just about everything. But my current situation at home and such is most likely the main thing keeping me sober. I would like to think that I'd be staying sober if I was on my own. But deep down I do not think that would be the case
. I do not have trouble stringing together multiple weeks/months of sobriety but I need advice I guess on how to enjoy sober living.? How to keep a craving for any "high" go away? I have always sought to be under the influence of something. I am also basically told by all professionals and ppl. at AA that I am an alcoholic and can never touch alcohol. Is this true? What about pot? I know it would be best because i have veryyy little self control with any substance. It's just a hard situation being at such a pivotal point in my life, putting my college education on hold when I was so close to being done, and having such overly concerned parents. Just looking for any advice, hints, links, book references ANYTHING. I'm not in a acute situation where I struggle day to day to stay sober, but I know myself, my addictive/lack of control personality and the likes. Thanks in advance!
