VertexShader
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2005
- Messages
- 284
I wrote this about 2.5 years ago, in May of '04. It was my first real trip, as I previously had only tried about 2.5g of some weak mushrooms. Inspired by such heroes as Mckenna, (hint to future self: dont do 5 grams) I decided to do it alone at my parents place. Things went perfect, except for the delusional episode at the end. I had never had a religious experience, previous to this. Amazing. ++++
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I was recently blessed with the spirit that is magic mushrooms. My experience was extremely intense and I am still making sense of it.
I had been actively seeking magic mushrooms for a little less than a year. They always managed to evade my grasp. I now feel very lucky that I had to wait so long. If I had experienced what I experienced last night, eight months ago, there would have been problems. Such a long wait gave me time to learn more about myself and drugs.
The last day of highschool is a big day in one's life. It signifies the beginning of your real life. The veil of ignorance is lifted and you can soon see the world for what it really is. It's no coincidence that it was my last day of high school when the mushrooms chose to reveal themselves to me. They wanted to show me something.
I bought an eighth of some good-looking cubensis specimens - eight tiny mushrooms with caps no larger than a dime. I was told that they were "bomb", and even eating a sixteenth would be good.
Although it was my first time, I knew I had to eat them all. More importantly, I was to journey alone. If I tripped with friends, I would be too worried about them. If I was alone, I could get lost in thought and learn something - that is what hallucinogens should be used for. This was for me. After my parents went to bed, I readied myself mentally.
Ten minutes later, at 11:10PM, I thoroughly chewed each mushroom and washed it down with Pepsi. I don't like the taste of mushrooms, never have and never will.
The effects came quickly and I could tell I was in for it after half an hour. Surges of energy ran throughout my body. The world began to look different. Everything was shifting with increasing intensity. I was overjoyed and soon smiling with excitement. Later, I started crying. Tryptamines do that to me.
After one hour of eating them, my came sister came downstairs and was talking to me. I could barely comprehend what she was saying and I was losing touch with reality for various intrevals of time. I instinctively responded using the easiest words possible, barely thinking about what I was saying. "yep, yeah, yeah, yep" I was sorry she had to see me like that, although she didn't suspect anything, luckily. She went upstairs to bed and I was finally alone. I dimmed the lights.
The trip was still getting stronger. The carpet was shifting like water. The wall was glowing up where it meets the ceiling. I stood up and looked outside just to make sure it wasn't somebody shining lights in the room. It wasn't, as I thought, and I was grateful that I was seeing such powerful visuals. Everything took on a colored aura and left trails when I moved my eyes. I was originally open to the idea of drawing or writing while under the influence. Those activities, I was quickly realizing, were insignificant. I was somewhat nauseous.
The next three hours were extremely intense. I was on my own. My memory of the order of things is very jumbled. I have no idea how long these events lasted.
To make some order of things, I remember the peak in two distinct stages. During the first half I had the lights dimmed. During the second half I turned them off.
Lights on:
My first memory takes place soon after my sister went upstairs. I was laying on my stomach. I was very incoherent and trying to talk to myself. Time was repeating and running in loops. Each loop I would try to tell myself something but I always forget what I was trying to say. Time would repeat again. Eventually I escaped that circle and said something along the lines of, "We need to get something straight." What I was trying to set straight was that I was tripping real hard and that I need not be worried. I knew it in my head, I just felt the need to vocally announce it.
My thoughts were very, very amazing and not of this world. I remember being awed at how recursive and circular they were. It was astounding. I remember putting a finger in my cheek and pulling down. It felt like I was somehow ripping through my soul. At one point I was spinning my foot in circles, for no reason in particular other than it felt good. I remember thinking about how goofy I was acting. I was enjoying this state of mind and let it overtake me.
After being lost in thought for an unknown amount of time, I came to. I seriously thought I was insane. I forgot what I was doing. I forgot the plans I had. I even forgot that I had eaten magic mushrooms. I felt like I was the madhatter out of Alice in Wonderland. I thought I was under the influence of some magical potion.
I then came to the realization that I was doing nothing wrong. I was inside my house laying on the floor! I was doing nothing wrong! I'm no criminal! It's true, society has drug users believe that what they do is wrong. It's not wrong, not like this. That thought left me feeling extremely happy and I snuggled my head into my pillow.
I remember analyzing a question: how do people derive pleasure from hallucinogens? Some drugs, like cocaine and heroin are innatly rewarding because that's the way humans are made. Hallucinogens are much different. I came to the conclusion that one can derive pleasure from having such an altered state of consciousness, yet being so safe. Its like you're a kid again and holding your moms hand through a scary amusement-park ride - only this amusement-park ride is reality itself. Its utterly terrifying, but absolutely comforting. You give the mushrooms complete control and only hope they have good intentions, much like a parent. For the 30th time, I reminded myself that I was OK.
Sometime later, I remember incoherently standing up. I had no idea what I was doing so I just stood there, tripping out. I then decided that it would be a good idea to turn the light completely off. I was afraid of my parents coming down if they saw any light. I had a hard time walking but I managed to turn the light off and lay back down.
Lights off:
Many important things happened during the darkness. I was lost in my thoughts, gone from reality, and having visions. I don't remember specifically thinking - "Whoa, I'm getting visuals". But, I do have images tied to these memories of my thoughts. My eyes were probably closed. I was so lost in thought that the visuals seemed very real and not abnormal.
I remember thinking about consciousness and the lack of an afterlife. I saw brains being reabsorbed back into soil. I saw spirits dying. The main idea during these thoughts was of non-existence - societies deep-seated fear of non-existence after death. People have such a hard time letting go of life. I saw consciousness leaving people, evaporating into the air, gone forever.
I was no longer part of the material world. I was no longer made of atoms. I saw galaxies and suns. They seemed so familiar to me. It felt like I was on a journey. This was a journey that had to be taken alone. I was under the impression that every human must take this journey. It was very spiritual. I believe my setting - alone - had an influence on those thoughts.
I felt like I was living through a billion iterations of the universe, the whole life and death cycle of it all. I saw the whole picture. Wow.
Suddenly, my Ego came to. I remember looking at the clock and it said 3:30. I remember thinking - "How is that possible? I thought shrooms lasted longer than that!". Therefore, I concluded that I was hallucinating this world. My real body was somewhere else. I figured I wasn't dead because I still had a consciousness.
I really thought I was tripping so hard that I was creating a fake world in my head. I heard sirens in the distance and I concluded that those sirens were my real hearing coming through this hallucination world. I no longer trusted my senses. I remember thinking of the tricks you can use during a dream to tell if you're dreaming - reading a book or turning on lights. I never tested it. I wanted to fall asleep so I could later wake up from this world.
As to how long exactly I was in this delusional state, I don't know.
The thoughts that I was having at this point are hard to describe. They were very archetypal. Somehow I was relating to all other humans. Everything was the way it was for a reason. I was in the after-life or something. This was my house, but it was so much more. Making sense of these thoughts in a sober state-of-mind is practically impossible.
Somewhere around 4 o'clock I got up to take a piss. It was now, after seeing my still-dilated eyes, that I decided I wasn't dreaming this world. I laid back down and tried to fall asleep. I couldn't, so I lay there thinking for the rest of the morning.
The sun came out and I reflected on the night. I could still see visuals until about 7:00. My breath smelled like vomit, so I was worried I puked. I didn't remember puking, and I couldn't find any vomit anywhere, so I concluded I was OK - I wouldn't get in trouble.
Looking back, I have to give myself credit for not making any noise even though I was completely incoherent. I could not take responsibility for anything I was doing that night. Many people freak out while under the influence of mushrooms, screaming and such. It's not in my nature to freak out.
Everything I experienced while under the influence of magic mushrooms was very profound. My thoughts were altered in a such an baffling way I still can't understand. I now have empathy for schizophrenics. The visuals were very intense although I was too out of it to pay attention. I don't regret being alone, but I do regret doing it with my parents around. My parents could have come down and I would have been fucked.
Until my next date with magic mushrooms, I will be readying myself. I firmly believe that magic mushrooms have potential and I am looking forward to what they will show me next. They truly are "fruit of the gods".
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I was recently blessed with the spirit that is magic mushrooms. My experience was extremely intense and I am still making sense of it.
I had been actively seeking magic mushrooms for a little less than a year. They always managed to evade my grasp. I now feel very lucky that I had to wait so long. If I had experienced what I experienced last night, eight months ago, there would have been problems. Such a long wait gave me time to learn more about myself and drugs.
The last day of highschool is a big day in one's life. It signifies the beginning of your real life. The veil of ignorance is lifted and you can soon see the world for what it really is. It's no coincidence that it was my last day of high school when the mushrooms chose to reveal themselves to me. They wanted to show me something.
I bought an eighth of some good-looking cubensis specimens - eight tiny mushrooms with caps no larger than a dime. I was told that they were "bomb", and even eating a sixteenth would be good.
Although it was my first time, I knew I had to eat them all. More importantly, I was to journey alone. If I tripped with friends, I would be too worried about them. If I was alone, I could get lost in thought and learn something - that is what hallucinogens should be used for. This was for me. After my parents went to bed, I readied myself mentally.
Ten minutes later, at 11:10PM, I thoroughly chewed each mushroom and washed it down with Pepsi. I don't like the taste of mushrooms, never have and never will.
The effects came quickly and I could tell I was in for it after half an hour. Surges of energy ran throughout my body. The world began to look different. Everything was shifting with increasing intensity. I was overjoyed and soon smiling with excitement. Later, I started crying. Tryptamines do that to me.
After one hour of eating them, my came sister came downstairs and was talking to me. I could barely comprehend what she was saying and I was losing touch with reality for various intrevals of time. I instinctively responded using the easiest words possible, barely thinking about what I was saying. "yep, yeah, yeah, yep" I was sorry she had to see me like that, although she didn't suspect anything, luckily. She went upstairs to bed and I was finally alone. I dimmed the lights.
The trip was still getting stronger. The carpet was shifting like water. The wall was glowing up where it meets the ceiling. I stood up and looked outside just to make sure it wasn't somebody shining lights in the room. It wasn't, as I thought, and I was grateful that I was seeing such powerful visuals. Everything took on a colored aura and left trails when I moved my eyes. I was originally open to the idea of drawing or writing while under the influence. Those activities, I was quickly realizing, were insignificant. I was somewhat nauseous.
The next three hours were extremely intense. I was on my own. My memory of the order of things is very jumbled. I have no idea how long these events lasted.
To make some order of things, I remember the peak in two distinct stages. During the first half I had the lights dimmed. During the second half I turned them off.
Lights on:
My first memory takes place soon after my sister went upstairs. I was laying on my stomach. I was very incoherent and trying to talk to myself. Time was repeating and running in loops. Each loop I would try to tell myself something but I always forget what I was trying to say. Time would repeat again. Eventually I escaped that circle and said something along the lines of, "We need to get something straight." What I was trying to set straight was that I was tripping real hard and that I need not be worried. I knew it in my head, I just felt the need to vocally announce it.
My thoughts were very, very amazing and not of this world. I remember being awed at how recursive and circular they were. It was astounding. I remember putting a finger in my cheek and pulling down. It felt like I was somehow ripping through my soul. At one point I was spinning my foot in circles, for no reason in particular other than it felt good. I remember thinking about how goofy I was acting. I was enjoying this state of mind and let it overtake me.
After being lost in thought for an unknown amount of time, I came to. I seriously thought I was insane. I forgot what I was doing. I forgot the plans I had. I even forgot that I had eaten magic mushrooms. I felt like I was the madhatter out of Alice in Wonderland. I thought I was under the influence of some magical potion.
I then came to the realization that I was doing nothing wrong. I was inside my house laying on the floor! I was doing nothing wrong! I'm no criminal! It's true, society has drug users believe that what they do is wrong. It's not wrong, not like this. That thought left me feeling extremely happy and I snuggled my head into my pillow.
I remember analyzing a question: how do people derive pleasure from hallucinogens? Some drugs, like cocaine and heroin are innatly rewarding because that's the way humans are made. Hallucinogens are much different. I came to the conclusion that one can derive pleasure from having such an altered state of consciousness, yet being so safe. Its like you're a kid again and holding your moms hand through a scary amusement-park ride - only this amusement-park ride is reality itself. Its utterly terrifying, but absolutely comforting. You give the mushrooms complete control and only hope they have good intentions, much like a parent. For the 30th time, I reminded myself that I was OK.
Sometime later, I remember incoherently standing up. I had no idea what I was doing so I just stood there, tripping out. I then decided that it would be a good idea to turn the light completely off. I was afraid of my parents coming down if they saw any light. I had a hard time walking but I managed to turn the light off and lay back down.
Lights off:
Many important things happened during the darkness. I was lost in my thoughts, gone from reality, and having visions. I don't remember specifically thinking - "Whoa, I'm getting visuals". But, I do have images tied to these memories of my thoughts. My eyes were probably closed. I was so lost in thought that the visuals seemed very real and not abnormal.
I remember thinking about consciousness and the lack of an afterlife. I saw brains being reabsorbed back into soil. I saw spirits dying. The main idea during these thoughts was of non-existence - societies deep-seated fear of non-existence after death. People have such a hard time letting go of life. I saw consciousness leaving people, evaporating into the air, gone forever.
I was no longer part of the material world. I was no longer made of atoms. I saw galaxies and suns. They seemed so familiar to me. It felt like I was on a journey. This was a journey that had to be taken alone. I was under the impression that every human must take this journey. It was very spiritual. I believe my setting - alone - had an influence on those thoughts.
I felt like I was living through a billion iterations of the universe, the whole life and death cycle of it all. I saw the whole picture. Wow.
Suddenly, my Ego came to. I remember looking at the clock and it said 3:30. I remember thinking - "How is that possible? I thought shrooms lasted longer than that!". Therefore, I concluded that I was hallucinating this world. My real body was somewhere else. I figured I wasn't dead because I still had a consciousness.
I really thought I was tripping so hard that I was creating a fake world in my head. I heard sirens in the distance and I concluded that those sirens were my real hearing coming through this hallucination world. I no longer trusted my senses. I remember thinking of the tricks you can use during a dream to tell if you're dreaming - reading a book or turning on lights. I never tested it. I wanted to fall asleep so I could later wake up from this world.
As to how long exactly I was in this delusional state, I don't know.
The thoughts that I was having at this point are hard to describe. They were very archetypal. Somehow I was relating to all other humans. Everything was the way it was for a reason. I was in the after-life or something. This was my house, but it was so much more. Making sense of these thoughts in a sober state-of-mind is practically impossible.
Somewhere around 4 o'clock I got up to take a piss. It was now, after seeing my still-dilated eyes, that I decided I wasn't dreaming this world. I laid back down and tried to fall asleep. I couldn't, so I lay there thinking for the rest of the morning.
The sun came out and I reflected on the night. I could still see visuals until about 7:00. My breath smelled like vomit, so I was worried I puked. I didn't remember puking, and I couldn't find any vomit anywhere, so I concluded I was OK - I wouldn't get in trouble.
Looking back, I have to give myself credit for not making any noise even though I was completely incoherent. I could not take responsibility for anything I was doing that night. Many people freak out while under the influence of mushrooms, screaming and such. It's not in my nature to freak out.
Everything I experienced while under the influence of magic mushrooms was very profound. My thoughts were altered in a such an baffling way I still can't understand. I now have empathy for schizophrenics. The visuals were very intense although I was too out of it to pay attention. I don't regret being alone, but I do regret doing it with my parents around. My parents could have come down and I would have been fucked.
Until my next date with magic mushrooms, I will be readying myself. I firmly believe that magic mushrooms have potential and I am looking forward to what they will show me next. They truly are "fruit of the gods".
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