This week I spent $250 on Dilaudid, I'm doing at least 50mg of dilaudid a day to kill the pain and stave off the sickness that so lurks beneath the thick comforting surface of a dilaudid high, watching and waiting for my external supply of endorphins to run dry.
I paid out $150 on debts this week as well, I'm still in debt $8773 to a wide variety of people, good and bad people, patient and impatient people.
I'm moving next week, to a house in a bad hood, right up the street from a guy who wants me dead.. I feel paranoid and uneasy even though I haven't even moved in yet, I feel the anxiety creeping up inside me. I'm not anxious or paranoid because I'm scared of him, It's the waiting and wondering when and if He'll find out where I live and how close it is. It's also the thought that he may come after me while I'm sick and unable to defend myself or too high to throw a punch or grab a blade.
One of my best friends has blown me off for the 3rd weekend in a row, ever since I stopped hooking him up with pills he stopped chilling with me. He said he'd show up at 5 and after 11 I just gave up, he didn't even call, when I asked him why he didn't call he said "Oh sorry my mom said I couldn't hand with anyone and I should have called you but I didn't get to a phone"------- DUDE THERES 4 PHONES IN YOUR HOUSE, YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU COULDN'T HAVE WALKED TO THE ONE IN YOUR ROOM AND CALLED ME.
Also my friend is 23 years old and his mother still tells him what he can and cant do its PRETTY GAY.
I met a beautiful girl two months ago, she smiles at me all the time, I love her, she's way out of my league though, shes so hot and fine and I'm ugly. I talk to her so much, she likes all the things I like, it's insane how much we have in common.
I should ask her out to a movie but I don't like rejection, rejection of that magnitude and nature will break my self confidence for months.
Doing anymore than 4 shots a day is a waste, after the 2nd and 3rd the rush is barely there and the rush is what makes the day.
That's it for me, I'm nodding off, I want to sit here and write everything, But I want to lie down and day dream about the girl before the drug wears off.
The first of many writeups, as much for me to read as anyone else, though I suspect no one else will read this, It's good to get thoughts written down and stored to ponder over at a later date.
-V4l
I paid out $150 on debts this week as well, I'm still in debt $8773 to a wide variety of people, good and bad people, patient and impatient people.
I'm moving next week, to a house in a bad hood, right up the street from a guy who wants me dead.. I feel paranoid and uneasy even though I haven't even moved in yet, I feel the anxiety creeping up inside me. I'm not anxious or paranoid because I'm scared of him, It's the waiting and wondering when and if He'll find out where I live and how close it is. It's also the thought that he may come after me while I'm sick and unable to defend myself or too high to throw a punch or grab a blade.
One of my best friends has blown me off for the 3rd weekend in a row, ever since I stopped hooking him up with pills he stopped chilling with me. He said he'd show up at 5 and after 11 I just gave up, he didn't even call, when I asked him why he didn't call he said "Oh sorry my mom said I couldn't hand with anyone and I should have called you but I didn't get to a phone"------- DUDE THERES 4 PHONES IN YOUR HOUSE, YOU'RE TELLING ME YOU COULDN'T HAVE WALKED TO THE ONE IN YOUR ROOM AND CALLED ME.
Also my friend is 23 years old and his mother still tells him what he can and cant do its PRETTY GAY.
I met a beautiful girl two months ago, she smiles at me all the time, I love her, she's way out of my league though, shes so hot and fine and I'm ugly. I talk to her so much, she likes all the things I like, it's insane how much we have in common.
I should ask her out to a movie but I don't like rejection, rejection of that magnitude and nature will break my self confidence for months.
Doing anymore than 4 shots a day is a waste, after the 2nd and 3rd the rush is barely there and the rush is what makes the day.
That's it for me, I'm nodding off, I want to sit here and write everything, But I want to lie down and day dream about the girl before the drug wears off.
The first of many writeups, as much for me to read as anyone else, though I suspect no one else will read this, It's good to get thoughts written down and stored to ponder over at a later date.
-V4l