This thread is mainly for me to keep a journal of events that unfold over the course of the next week. I felt it belonged here because prior to my Kratom addiction, I successfully stopped drinking alcohol, cold turkey (after 10 years of a fifth a day) with the help of AA. So I at least have a taste of sobriety and I desperately want it back. Here's to hoping that anyone else dealing with "addiction substitution" will get some value out of this thread. I tend to write very long posts, I'll try to keep it short and sweet. FWIW- I haven't had a drink in over 2 and half years.
The Alcoholic- Like I said, I drank daily for 10 years and then...just had enough. I went to an AA meeting which is the *LAST* thing I ever thought I'd do and it changed my life. My story is very atypical, but I went from losing my love, my house, my company, all of my money and nearly my liver to a sober, happy life where I got everything back. It took less than a year but I followed The Program like it was my fucking job. It worked. WOW.
The Kratom- I celebrated a year sober with my new girl, new job, new house, new car and new lease on life. I would go to meetings 3-5 times a week. Then I found Kratom. I bought some at a head shop and, unbelievably, it worked as advertised. 5 grams and it felt to me just like a Percocet (I was completely opiate naive at the time). That lasted a week or two, dosing daily. That's when I became a "connoisseur", trying different strains and vendors. I must say, it was a helpful plant. I've had numerous injuries from a lifetime of extreme sports (if I go into detail, I risk outting myself) and found Kratom was legitimately helpful as a pain reliever. Of course I was mostly taking it to get a legal high. That went on for 4-6 months and one day I recognized the pattern of addiction and threw out my stash without thinking twice. That night I went through HELL and had no idea why. I honestly did not make the connection that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I had no clue. EXTREME lethargy but couldn't sleep, the sweats, depression, anxiety and what I would eventually learn was called "restless leg syndrome", although I think that moniker is pitifully misnamed. 2 days went by before I realized what was happening. I got some more Kratom, re-dosed and was fine. I then tried to taper but I'm an addict, you know how that goes.
The Pills- This one is just crazy. Again, can't go into detail here for a LOT of reasons but MY AA SPONSOR inadvertently opened up a path to me by which I gained access to pills. Don't ask. User your imagination. It was NOT his fault. Foolishly told myself I'd use pills to get off Kratom (and hey, if I got high that was a bonus). It worked. A few weeks went by, I was sober, no WDs. But man did I crave those pills. So I got more. And more. And more...Eventually I just kept bouncing between Kratom and oxy. The financial cost was absurd but I could afford it. The toll it took on my sex life wasn't worth it anymore so I made numerous attempts to quit and have not been successful. On the third or fourth day of withdrawal (whether it's from my 150mg/day oxy habit or 16gram a day Kratom habit), I cave and re-dose.
I haven't been to a meeting in months.
This past week I quit Kratom and oxy CT. Spent 3.5 days in hell, then re-dosed. THREE AND A HALF DAYS OF HELL FOR NOTHING. I started searching for suboxone docs in my area and searching Bluelight for any kind of help. I read about the Loperamide method and spent 4 total days (dozens of hours), researching Lope. I'm aware of the risks, but feel I'm out of options.
My last 15mg dose of oxy was 12 hours ago. 8 hours ago I downed 800mg of Tagamet and 7 hours ago I ate 24mg of Lope. I knew it would take 4-5 hours to reach peak plasma levels but a few hours in I was calling "bullshit" but dropped another 12mg. Well, holy hell, I sit here in front of my computer feeling about 95% A-OK. I have not felt like this in at least a year, probably longer. I feel sober (yes, I know I have an opiod in my system) and kind of want to get my groove on. I'm dumbfounded. If this Lope method actually continues to work, I will cry. I swear to you I'll cry tears of joy. I've been ready to give up this addiction the same way I was ready to give up alcohol. I'm done. Out. Over. Fin. I want nothing to do with pain management anymore. I'll deal with the pain if I can have my sobriety back. The WDs have kept me from sobering up and right now I just don't fucking have any symptoms and am speechless. I hope to God this works.
Tomorrow when I wake up I'm taking another 800mg of Tagamet followed, an hour later, by 32mg of Lope. I'll do it again on Day 3 then Day 4 same thing minus 2 pills. Then each subsequent day I'll take 2 fewer pills until I'm off completely. If anyone is reading this, please wish me luck. Also, if you think my Lope schedule is dangerous, for the love of all things holy, please tell me. I don't want to kick an opiate addiction just to die at the ER due to Imodium OD. I mean, I can't go out like that.
PS: I am taking Miralax and Senna and H20 to combat the constipation.
Peace. I'll report back tomorrow.
The Alcoholic- Like I said, I drank daily for 10 years and then...just had enough. I went to an AA meeting which is the *LAST* thing I ever thought I'd do and it changed my life. My story is very atypical, but I went from losing my love, my house, my company, all of my money and nearly my liver to a sober, happy life where I got everything back. It took less than a year but I followed The Program like it was my fucking job. It worked. WOW.
The Kratom- I celebrated a year sober with my new girl, new job, new house, new car and new lease on life. I would go to meetings 3-5 times a week. Then I found Kratom. I bought some at a head shop and, unbelievably, it worked as advertised. 5 grams and it felt to me just like a Percocet (I was completely opiate naive at the time). That lasted a week or two, dosing daily. That's when I became a "connoisseur", trying different strains and vendors. I must say, it was a helpful plant. I've had numerous injuries from a lifetime of extreme sports (if I go into detail, I risk outting myself) and found Kratom was legitimately helpful as a pain reliever. Of course I was mostly taking it to get a legal high. That went on for 4-6 months and one day I recognized the pattern of addiction and threw out my stash without thinking twice. That night I went through HELL and had no idea why. I honestly did not make the connection that I was experiencing withdrawal symptoms. I had no clue. EXTREME lethargy but couldn't sleep, the sweats, depression, anxiety and what I would eventually learn was called "restless leg syndrome", although I think that moniker is pitifully misnamed. 2 days went by before I realized what was happening. I got some more Kratom, re-dosed and was fine. I then tried to taper but I'm an addict, you know how that goes.
The Pills- This one is just crazy. Again, can't go into detail here for a LOT of reasons but MY AA SPONSOR inadvertently opened up a path to me by which I gained access to pills. Don't ask. User your imagination. It was NOT his fault. Foolishly told myself I'd use pills to get off Kratom (and hey, if I got high that was a bonus). It worked. A few weeks went by, I was sober, no WDs. But man did I crave those pills. So I got more. And more. And more...Eventually I just kept bouncing between Kratom and oxy. The financial cost was absurd but I could afford it. The toll it took on my sex life wasn't worth it anymore so I made numerous attempts to quit and have not been successful. On the third or fourth day of withdrawal (whether it's from my 150mg/day oxy habit or 16gram a day Kratom habit), I cave and re-dose.
I haven't been to a meeting in months.
This past week I quit Kratom and oxy CT. Spent 3.5 days in hell, then re-dosed. THREE AND A HALF DAYS OF HELL FOR NOTHING. I started searching for suboxone docs in my area and searching Bluelight for any kind of help. I read about the Loperamide method and spent 4 total days (dozens of hours), researching Lope. I'm aware of the risks, but feel I'm out of options.
My last 15mg dose of oxy was 12 hours ago. 8 hours ago I downed 800mg of Tagamet and 7 hours ago I ate 24mg of Lope. I knew it would take 4-5 hours to reach peak plasma levels but a few hours in I was calling "bullshit" but dropped another 12mg. Well, holy hell, I sit here in front of my computer feeling about 95% A-OK. I have not felt like this in at least a year, probably longer. I feel sober (yes, I know I have an opiod in my system) and kind of want to get my groove on. I'm dumbfounded. If this Lope method actually continues to work, I will cry. I swear to you I'll cry tears of joy. I've been ready to give up this addiction the same way I was ready to give up alcohol. I'm done. Out. Over. Fin. I want nothing to do with pain management anymore. I'll deal with the pain if I can have my sobriety back. The WDs have kept me from sobering up and right now I just don't fucking have any symptoms and am speechless. I hope to God this works.
Tomorrow when I wake up I'm taking another 800mg of Tagamet followed, an hour later, by 32mg of Lope. I'll do it again on Day 3 then Day 4 same thing minus 2 pills. Then each subsequent day I'll take 2 fewer pills until I'm off completely. If anyone is reading this, please wish me luck. Also, if you think my Lope schedule is dangerous, for the love of all things holy, please tell me. I don't want to kick an opiate addiction just to die at the ER due to Imodium OD. I mean, I can't go out like that.
PS: I am taking Miralax and Senna and H20 to combat the constipation.
Peace. I'll report back tomorrow.
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