Tomorrow morning will be my third day at my new job,and I will be fired before it even begins. I woke up two hours after I was supposed to be at work today, and my place has a zero tolerance policy for everything. So I panicked. I ran around the apartment screaming "fuck" and knocking stuff over, then I picked up the phone. My choice of lie was not very good: I told them that I was involved in a car accident where my car was totaled and that my phone flew out of the window on a busy street. I said that the police took almost an hour to show up. It gets worse: to back up my lie, I smashed a very nice phone worth probably $400 and tore it in half. Even my microSD was destroyed, which I did not intend to happen. Also, for realism, I whipped my self with a belt really hard for a really long time all over my chest wear my seatbelt would have hit me in the event of an accident. It hurt.
SO I think I have all of my bases covered. I show the boss my phone, thinking "look at how smart I am." And everything is good. It was not until the end of the day that I realized he knew I was lying, when he said "oh, Sean, come here for a second. Could you bring me the police and insurance reports so that I can mark it in my database as an excused absence?" Even then I bluffed by saying, "I live really close - how long are you going to be here?" He said,"Just 15 minutes." And I responded with, "Well, I'll give them to you tomorrow then."
So then I schemed and schemed. How to do this without doing anything illegal. I consulted with adults, people who have been around the block a few times in the corporate world. I have decided afterf consulting with many people that I will walk into his office tomorrow and tell him that I lied to him about the accident, and that the reason I was late is that I overslept. Then I will sit and await judgment, because I hate lying and it would bother the shit out of me not to tell this guy.
SO I think I have all of my bases covered. I show the boss my phone, thinking "look at how smart I am." And everything is good. It was not until the end of the day that I realized he knew I was lying, when he said "oh, Sean, come here for a second. Could you bring me the police and insurance reports so that I can mark it in my database as an excused absence?" Even then I bluffed by saying, "I live really close - how long are you going to be here?" He said,"Just 15 minutes." And I responded with, "Well, I'll give them to you tomorrow then."
So then I schemed and schemed. How to do this without doing anything illegal. I consulted with adults, people who have been around the block a few times in the corporate world. I have decided afterf consulting with many people that I will walk into his office tomorrow and tell him that I lied to him about the accident, and that the reason I was late is that I overslept. Then I will sit and await judgment, because I hate lying and it would bother the shit out of me not to tell this guy.
