BlueSaffron
Bluelighter
It's been a bad couple days for me - just super depressed, I dont know if its the sub reduction or what. I don't want to do anything, ANYTHING. I just want to curl up in a ball on the bed. Trying to pull myself out of it now - I almost never get like this and it freaks me out when I do. I just feel kind of lost lately. On the plus side I had training for my job yesterday and I start monday. It's no great job or anything but it's a paycheck at least, and I'm still looking for something better. I just feel like I have nothing to look forward to, or get excited about, nothing makes me happy. Like you know how you wake up and go to work and if its a shit job you kind of slog through it, looking forward to getting off and hanging with friends or having dinner or whatever. My whole day feels like that work slog. Like damn, now I have to get up and take a shower. Shit, now I have to go do errands. Fuck, now I have to make dinner and find some way to fill the hours before I can go to sleep. I hate feeling like this - I'm the type of person who usually enjoys life - like if I get stuck in traffic I dont get mad, I just turn up the music or whatever. Like I said, I don't know if it's the subs or what, but it's just the shittiest feeling, because this is NOT ME.
I don't even really want to do dope. Usually I'd be like "damn I'm down, some dope would really hit the spot", but I just don't even think it would, it'd just give me another thing to be depressed about.
Trying to pull out of it. Just everything feels - empty.
Doesn't help that I'm crazy, 100% in love with someone I can't have...
I don't even really want to do dope. Usually I'd be like "damn I'm down, some dope would really hit the spot", but I just don't even think it would, it'd just give me another thing to be depressed about.
Trying to pull out of it. Just everything feels - empty.
Doesn't help that I'm crazy, 100% in love with someone I can't have...