Last night i got home, got an 8th of bud, and then i got a call and said they can get some meth now. Now i was at home so i didn't have to do it, but when they asked if i still did i said yea, i dunno if i was trying to be sober or what but i was about 2 months without it. And I dunno what makes me feel so down, the fact i spent $60 buck on it, the fact i did it, or both. I just know i now feel like ass for having done it, and the one thing i always seem to fixate on is that i spent my money on speed again. I just wanna crawl into a f'ing hole.
-
The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
Posting Rules Bluelight Rules Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines Bereavement Mindfulness Suicide Support Anger Management -
TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android
F'ing hate myself feel so down....
- Thread starter martyr187
- Start date
Ds
Bluelight Crew
I used to be the same way. before when i was trying to get sober all i wanted to do was smoke some bud, and the guys i got my weed from were in the hood. so after a while of buying just weed, the guy told me that he was out of weed, but he still had heroin. i was like.. "well my trac marks have fully healed, and just 1 shot wouldn't be so bad". long story short i ended up with a needle in my arm 6+ times a day.
I know that i'm fucking powerless over ANY drugs, that includes weed. I can't fuck with the shit. If I ever do get high, or ever around weed. I'm going to want my drug of choice.
Don't beat yourself up over the shit man, yeah people relapse. you made it back and your not dead. $60 bucks is still some change, but luckly it just stopped at there.
If your going to weed route, don't really know where you live at or your situation.. but when I was doing just the weed, I always kept a bag of spice laying around put up. So when I did run out of weed I had that to fall back on until I could re-up.
Times have changed for me now, I'm in rehab
, pushing 50 days clean. There still are times where I want to get a sack, hell every time i have $ in my pocket. I quickly think of food, and the biggest bag of fucking cookies at wallmart. So here lately I always carry sweets around with me to kill that craving to get high.
hang n there man.
I know that i'm fucking powerless over ANY drugs, that includes weed. I can't fuck with the shit. If I ever do get high, or ever around weed. I'm going to want my drug of choice.
Don't beat yourself up over the shit man, yeah people relapse. you made it back and your not dead. $60 bucks is still some change, but luckly it just stopped at there.
If your going to weed route, don't really know where you live at or your situation.. but when I was doing just the weed, I always kept a bag of spice laying around put up. So when I did run out of weed I had that to fall back on until I could re-up.
Times have changed for me now, I'm in rehab
, pushing 50 days clean. There still are times where I want to get a sack, hell every time i have $ in my pocket. I quickly think of food, and the biggest bag of fucking cookies at wallmart. So here lately I always carry sweets around with me to kill that craving to get high.hang n there man.
^^ Excellent post D's 
martyr, I know you feel really shitty about what happened but like D's said, you can't keep beating yourself up over this because you're just going to feel worse about yourself and you'll probably end up just getting more meth. Just get pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep on going with sobriety.
Maybe it's time to give up weed as well. Do you think so? D's makes a really good point that for addicts, ANY drug is triggering to use your drug of addiction. If you're serious about staying clean off meth then maybe you need to steer clear of weed as well.
martyr, I know you feel really shitty about what happened but like D's said, you can't keep beating yourself up over this because you're just going to feel worse about yourself and you'll probably end up just getting more meth. Just get pick yourself up, dust yourself off and keep on going with sobriety.
Maybe it's time to give up weed as well. Do you think so? D's makes a really good point that for addicts, ANY drug is triggering to use your drug of addiction. If you're serious about staying clean off meth then maybe you need to steer clear of weed as well.
Sega420
Bluelighter
let this moment of self loathing and shame forever remind you the next time you are presented with the option of buying meth, perhaps? (like people said tho, dont keep beating yourself up.
off your ass and on your feet, aint no time to beat your meat.
if you genuinely want to kick that shit (and it sounds like you do), then just remember how you feel right now next to how you felt in those two months clean. that should motivate you a bit.
good luck amigo.
ps- i would recommend getting that dealer to fuck.
find a new source so you dont have to be exposed to crystal in future if you just wanna toke up.
off your ass and on your feet, aint no time to beat your meat.
if you genuinely want to kick that shit (and it sounds like you do), then just remember how you feel right now next to how you felt in those two months clean. that should motivate you a bit.
good luck amigo.
ps- i would recommend getting that dealer to fuck.
find a new source so you dont have to be exposed to crystal in future if you just wanna toke up.