holyguacamole
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Nov 15, 2010
- Messages
- 18
So i've tripped three times now. Within a month. First time I did one dose each. I'm tiny. Well last night I took a "dive" (haha, oh I was so silly to think that) and did two doses. Gah...how to organize this.
I took them both at once at like 9pm ish. I tripped with like 7 other people (too many, imo) but they all took their 1st dose together and their second together 2 hours later. The entire night I was tripping BALLS (weird to say cause i'm a girl but how else do i explain it?) and I just felt like I wasn't on the same level as everyone else. I just holed up. I wanted to say things but I knew they'd come out stupid. People were having conversations about sober things but everyone was tripping. I just wanted to talk about what I was seeing and where the music was taking my mind. We were in a house with drunk people and when they would come up to see how the "acid kids" (this is a college setting btw) were doing, some of them were so drunk they'd just fuck with us. I couldn't tolerate it. I almost had a bad trip because my one guy friend was WASTED beyond the point of hearing my pleas to seriously leave me alone and at one point he was sitting next to me, in my face, and he did this creepy drunk closed-lips smile and went 'watch' and i was tripping so hard his face started getting joker-ish and creepy clown smile like. like the corners of his mouth started to curl. and i was dying inside it was so miserable. well, anyway, so we spent a lot of time in a friends room but sometimes I wandered out to see outside the room and enjoy my other friends. at one point i NEVER felt.....in place. where i wanted to be. at one point i was tripping so hard (friends were waiting on second dose to arrive) that i curled up with my head resting on my knees with my eyes closed just zoning into the music and my mind was going crazy beautiful. I had nobody to share this with.
I realized this morning in my come-down haze that I just dont BELONG there. I like tripping with people but I like it in small, 2-4 people groups. And I have a desire to dance. A desire to be outside. That is how I channel myself. I could trip so much harder if I was in a better setting. Is this normal? Like, how do I find it? I haven't been able to find one of them to feel the same way. I feel so alone in all these questions in my mind I want to pursue and answer with someone. Have them feel what I feel. The isolation is blinding. Nobody was in my zone. You know those zones you all kind of sync to. Nope nobody is ever with me. The first time I tripped there were 4 of us and we all stuck together and synced and just traveled amazing places with it.
I don't want to trip alone because I'm scared I might freak out and have nobody to comfort me. I'm just sad because I've discovered the beautiful thing that is acid and I can't channel it in the way I wish to. Do I need to make new tripping buddies? HOW do I make new tripping buddies? It's not like meeting someone at a bar and becoming drinking friends. Oh and I have one more chance to trip with these friends because of graduation and moving back home. So I'm just stuck. My apologies for this being long but there has to be someone else who understands this lack of 'belonging'.
I took them both at once at like 9pm ish. I tripped with like 7 other people (too many, imo) but they all took their 1st dose together and their second together 2 hours later. The entire night I was tripping BALLS (weird to say cause i'm a girl but how else do i explain it?) and I just felt like I wasn't on the same level as everyone else. I just holed up. I wanted to say things but I knew they'd come out stupid. People were having conversations about sober things but everyone was tripping. I just wanted to talk about what I was seeing and where the music was taking my mind. We were in a house with drunk people and when they would come up to see how the "acid kids" (this is a college setting btw) were doing, some of them were so drunk they'd just fuck with us. I couldn't tolerate it. I almost had a bad trip because my one guy friend was WASTED beyond the point of hearing my pleas to seriously leave me alone and at one point he was sitting next to me, in my face, and he did this creepy drunk closed-lips smile and went 'watch' and i was tripping so hard his face started getting joker-ish and creepy clown smile like. like the corners of his mouth started to curl. and i was dying inside it was so miserable. well, anyway, so we spent a lot of time in a friends room but sometimes I wandered out to see outside the room and enjoy my other friends. at one point i NEVER felt.....in place. where i wanted to be. at one point i was tripping so hard (friends were waiting on second dose to arrive) that i curled up with my head resting on my knees with my eyes closed just zoning into the music and my mind was going crazy beautiful. I had nobody to share this with.
I realized this morning in my come-down haze that I just dont BELONG there. I like tripping with people but I like it in small, 2-4 people groups. And I have a desire to dance. A desire to be outside. That is how I channel myself. I could trip so much harder if I was in a better setting. Is this normal? Like, how do I find it? I haven't been able to find one of them to feel the same way. I feel so alone in all these questions in my mind I want to pursue and answer with someone. Have them feel what I feel. The isolation is blinding. Nobody was in my zone. You know those zones you all kind of sync to. Nope nobody is ever with me. The first time I tripped there were 4 of us and we all stuck together and synced and just traveled amazing places with it.
I don't want to trip alone because I'm scared I might freak out and have nobody to comfort me. I'm just sad because I've discovered the beautiful thing that is acid and I can't channel it in the way I wish to. Do I need to make new tripping buddies? HOW do I make new tripping buddies? It's not like meeting someone at a bar and becoming drinking friends. Oh and I have one more chance to trip with these friends because of graduation and moving back home. So I'm just stuck. My apologies for this being long but there has to be someone else who understands this lack of 'belonging'.
