Finding someone to talk to

[Akerman]

This feels a bit odd for me, but nontheless the best place to ask. I have an extremely screwed up head. It’s not directly drug related, but it is the case that drugs are something I have at times used to escape it, and if I’m honest, drugs have actually done a lot more to help me than they have harmed me.
I put on very good graces, and most people don’t even notice that anything is wrong with me. Furthermore, I’m rubbish at saying there is. I’ve seen doctors with the NHS but I don’t open up and they send me away with some pills and tell me to come back in 6months, because, in their defense, I seem fine. But, I’ve had some very serious problems and still do (in fact I’m considerably more fucked up that I like to admit, to the point of not functioning in many ways), and I’d say a big part of it is that I need to talk to someone. I talk to my partner, sure (and drugs help with that too) but I think I desperately need someone who I can spend a few hours a week venting to and who can really give me honest opinions about what the hell is going on in my life and my head and more objectively. The problem is, the NHS won’t do, as they simply don’t have the resources to stand my pottering about and hiding things and subject changing (and I’m just awful at bringing those things to the table, particularly without dressing them up in fancy English, obliterating all emotions, getting defensive and then using my intellect against whoever is trying to help me). It’s in large part my fault, but it’s still a massive problem. I really, really cannot afford anyone private to talk to, and using telephone help-lines just doesn’t have the amount of feedback that I really need to work out my problems – my grip on reality isn’t strong enough, I need something more consistent.

I’ve helped other people find therapists before, but for myself I cannot seem to find the right course of action – there is just no-one. Equally, I’d tell a lot of people to talk to me, but I think I’m doing rather too much of that as it is! And I just don’t really have anyone else to turn to – I’m not that close to my family and I’m not social, never mind socially open. Plus, my issues are really rather messed up – a lot of people couldn’t handle me talking about them, and they’d be perfectly reasonable to run away and get me committed. I don't wanna drop that on someone who isn't personally,

I realize this is a next-to-impossible question, but does anyone have any advice on where I could go to find someone to chat to? I’m in the UK, if anyone knows of any suitable organizations that aren’t gonna put too much of a limit on it (I came across one in the past that offered free counseling, but they had a 3-session limit – and opening up that can of worms and then just stopping seems a terrible idea).
Thanks for any help anyone can give, sorry if it seems a pointless ramble

 

[OverDone]

Hi Akerman, I live in the States but you may find some information (or information that leads to information) in THIS THREAD.

I wish I had more to contribute and i can relate to fear/unwillingness of not being able to open up.

to ya!

 

[brighton]

are there any mental health type support groups in your area?

 

[Alex000]

I PM'd you (gave you a private message). I'd be willing to help.

 

[herbavore]

This is a great place to find someone to talk to! I'm wondering if your "issues" that you feel would be too much for most people to handle might actually provide a signpost to point you in the direction of some kind of community that shares those issues? For instance there are support groups for everything from suffering chronic pain to survivors of sexual abuse to peer-to-peer mental health support groups. Maybe you could just attend without speaking for a bit and check something like that out?

I have to stand up a bit for BL relationships, though. I hear a lot of people on here put themselves down for only having an online social life. While I understand that it is desirable and healthy to have IRL friends and relationships, I think that the incredible level of vulnerability and honesty and true mutual support that exists here is actually quite rare out in the real world of relationships. I do have friendships that exist on that level but it took years and lots of work (just like in a marriage, really) for them to get there. For me, BL is invaluable as a different sphere--not a replacement world, but a complimentary world--where that level of shared experience and vulnerability is almost instantly achieved. It's not second rate it is one more different kind of opportunity to connect and explore. Celebrate them all as they present themselves.

And like Alex000 offered, Pm me anytime (only a few more posts to go and you can do that)