I was very happy after I weighed my connect's weekly 1/2 teener. It weighed out to a gram. Everyone else around here sucks ass as a dealer because sometime during my 2 year hiatus from using, dick ass cocksuckers got greedy as fuck, overcharging with price increase 100%.
I tried 2 times last week not using 2 days and by the 3rd, fukn chronic fatigue from hell hit
me in the invisable ball sack. I'm pissed. My energy is freaken sapped, nonexistent w/o
speed. Not using on my days off, I slept for the most part 24/7 practically, used Wednesday.
Did same thing, 2 day vacation 2 days before the most recent break & both times, the first
time/day of using is a bit 2 much fun---away from home---or it blows my emotions way the
fuck out of proportion. I took Mike up on his offer of driving me to work. He is cheaper, 4
sure. He only charges $10/night to drive, saving me $20 a week having Sam drive me.
problem is Mike and his fukn social life, I found out makes his available 50% of the
time which, of course fucked me up with Sam. I gave a lot of thought to how I should han-
dle the situation, meaning I KNEW that if I told Sam the truth, he'd get pissed off & I'd
either lose him completely as a driver, or he'd start demanding $80/wk. I came up with
some elaborate bullshit story ok, & in fact I could have & should have done so, but I hate
having to fuckin lie for one, & I thought this is absolutely rediculous just tell him the simple
truth, which I did. I sent a text message, gave him 10 hrs notice before he was to pick me
up. That is 10 hrs more notice the 2 times he stood me up & the other time he sent me a
text one hr notice. So, I thought I was being very generous & reasonable---I said I wanted
to give plenty of notice so he could pick up other customers & that I was having a friend
drive me the next 2 nights to work.
He can (sam) be such a dick, unreliable, driving like a bat out of hell, & I got tired of his
moodiness & him falling asleep at the wheel or doing this road rage bullshit using his car as
a weapon or demanding fist fights. The problem is much as I hate his 2 year old mentality,
he's the ONLY one that drives consistently, even with his moodiness. This makes it difficult
& the only reason why I kept letting him drive me. Plus, he started up with asking for these
fucking advances again, & while I have the right to say no, I still ran the risk of him standing
me up---& there are no more bus routes to work with the stupid budget cuts thanks to other
people's fuck ups. As predicted, even though I thought I was a hell of a lot more professional acting & thoughful about giving advance notice than he'd been to me, he responded with bitter sarcasm & said fine no more $10 trips Thurs & Fri from now on. He
was demanding $20.
The first rude text I let it go, I didn't reply. During my shift in the middle of the night, & in
the morning after work, he sent 2 more rude texts. I was high, & for being high, I used
considerable restraint, but after the 2nd or 3rd one--I remember #3 set me the fuck off & of
course my famous temper came out ensuring he will never drive for me again. Sigh. Not that
he's any bargain, but I fucked up only because I was way more emotional than I'd of nor-
mally been, plus the fact that my phone fucked up & I got a shitload of messages at once-
I thought he was going crazy just sending me one after another in a row---but my phone was
malfucntioning. The point being, I flew into a sarcastic comedy bitch telling him shit like
it's not my fault he's broke to the penny due to his fucking gambling habit & to pull his head
out of his ass, & to stop acting like a 2 yr old pitching tantrums everytime things don't go his
way. He sent I don't know how many more messages & finally I said to kiss my big fat white
ugly wrinkled middle aged tattooed ass motherfucker.
I had had it with having to call him 30 min or 15 min a head of time to get him to pick me up
on time, falling asleep at the wheel, his road rage, his weaving all over the road from lack
of sleep, & having to tiptoe on eggshells for fear he won't drive me. He used the power of
me not wanting to lose my job over me which I resented, but to a certain extent sucked it
up. I overreacted, I wish not that I would have lied like I originally planned because Mike
is driving me 50% of the time, but tonight I have no ride & Saturday night I have no ride &
this is a real giant pain in the fucking ass! My damn Mom wants $100/wk or she bitches. I'm
bringing home this rediculous low income of $300/wk which BARELY lets me pay $300/mo
rent, food, fucking transportation, & dope---which I can't afford but if I don't do it----my
energy is below zero. So I don't know damn it. I want to see the doc....if she'd right me an
Rx for meth for this dumb ass fatigue---one pill a day hell I'd do it to save money & shine
having to pay connect $65/wk. I can't afford this, but neither can I afford chronic fatigue.
So, yeah I'm frustrated.
The other thing is what if I go to doc & she writes me some freakn MAOI inhibitor & it does'nt
work? I keep leaning more & more to the doc, though because this is NOT merely a matter of denying myself the luxory of getting high, but one of survival. If my job wasn't an easy
night job, I wouldn't have lasted this long falling asleep at work w/o speed----and before that
when I was clean and the fatigue came on. Erik said Welbutrin great for fatigue, but
it says I cannot take with non narcotic migraine meds like zomig, treximet--which I take...or
barbiturates--which I also take for migraines----this eliminates these crap MAIO drugs.
Once again. Frustration....